h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So this evening I'm in the livingroom, sitting on the couch reading my book. 'The Pleasure Of My Company', a novella by Steve Martin. For some reason, I pause and look upwards. I see a small dark shape gliding through the air near the ceiling.

Oh, a bird is in the house, is my first, strangely calm, thought. Lately we've had a couple birds get trapped in our enclosed porch, so the concept of a bird in the house is not entirely inconceivable to me.

I see the shape again. It doesn't make any flapping noise as it flies through the air.

Oh, wait, it's a bat!, I correct myself.

I calmly set my book on the coffee table. I quickly decide whether to tell my dad or my mom first. I figure they have the right to know, as they pay the bills around here. I decide to tell my dad first. As I walk into the other room, I feel something brush my hair. I can't decide if I was just imagining it or not. Despite knowing that bats can't really harm you, I quicken my pace.

Dad is out on the porch playing the banjo. I walk up to him, pause, and say 'There is a bat in the house.' Or something to that effect.

'A bat,' he replies.

'Yes.' I flap my hands around and make eee eee! sounds, 'A bat.' I conclude.

'And how would a bat get in the house?' he asks condescendingly.

'I don't know! And I'm not kidding.'

He goes back to playing his stupid banjo. I wish he would stop buying/making those things.

I walk five feet back into the house, where my mom is on the computer.

'There's a bat in the house, by the way.'

'Where?' she says. I can't believe she didn't immediately freak out like she seems to always do. She didn't even say an annoying sarcastic 'Oh, great!'. We've had several infestation problems lately. Maybe she's used to it and has given up being surprised. I have.

Anyway, 'Where?' she demanded. This is really annoying anyway. My parents have to have every detail about things.

'In the air, flying around, like what bats always do.' I say truthfully.

'YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SARCASTIC!'

This bothers me too. I wasn't being sarcastic. Whenever she doesn't like something I say, like when I am right about something, she generally applies the wrong adjective. This is one of the reasons I can't wait to move out.

So after another 20 seconds of this, she gets up and looks into the other room. She sees the bat. She goes to the porch and tells my dad, nonchalantly playing the banjo, 'He's not kidding, there is a bat in the house!'

We stand around, watching the bat fly in circles. 'I have no clue how to get it out of here.' he says. We open up a couple doors so it can fly out. Though I didn't say anything, I thought that could just let in more bats. After another few minutes, the bat seems to have disappeared. We thought it could already have gone out when were weren't looking.

We shut the doors, assuming it did. Then later, it showed up again. I was in the process of writing this. I stop and join the watch. It flies upstairs, where my parents go. I remain downstairs, watching it. We have a sort of balcony, so you can see the upstairs from the livingroom, where I was. I pull my tshirt up over my head. I'm not really sure why. I watch it flying in circles, making my eyes go blurry watching.

Then I think I see it fly out the door. End of story.

And you're not inspired to become a crime fighting vigilante?

*sigh*

Youth of today...I don't know.

We found a rather ill bat in this house shortly after we moved in. That was over ten years ago, and I truly can't remember the end of the story.

TRiG.