h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just got back from a week in Ireland. Up till now I’ve always just flown into Dublin and stayed there. This time I drove down from Larne and travelled all over. The weather, unusually for Ireland apparently, has been great. I’m told that this is the first time since 1586 that there has been more than 3 consecutive days of sunshine. It’s a beautiful place in the sun. The locals were walking round blinking in the bright light and saying that the best thing about joining the EU is the weather.

It really is like a whole wee country in its own right. Unlike “abroad”, where the locals speak a funny language and English if you shout at them, it’s exactly the opposite here. Road signs are different too. They’re measured in KillyMiles, which are just like real miles, but shorter. The money they use is the same. They call pounds “ooros”, which are just like pounds but smaller.

The EU has been good for Ireland. The country is visibly changing and it’ll be nice when it’s finished. It’s safe to say I think that if you give an Irish boy a Scalextrix at Christmas, he’ll have it assembled by August, complete with roundabouts in the pit-lane, traffic cones on the straights and traffic lights on every bend.

A customer was telling me that when the whole Celtic tiger thing started, people were spending money like it was going out of fashion and the economy started to overheat. So the Irish Government, (just like a real Government but smaller), encouraged people to save money by topping up every four ooros deposited in the bank with one of their own. Obviously this was popular and people started saving instead of buying. There was a maximum set of around 250 ooros a month and you weren’t allowed to touch it for five years. That is about to mature around now, so everyone will have 20,000 ooros and can go and spend it. I wonder what that will do for the economy?

But it’s clear to see what people spent their money on initially. Everyone bought themselves a Mercedes car. They’re everywhere!! It’s also clear that, with the money left over, they bought all their blind, insane and deranged relatives a Punto, (just like a real car, but smaller), because they’re everywhere too; cutting up traffic, parking in the middle of the road, driving at 15 mph and generally making a complete nuisance of themselves. But I suppose that it gets all the mad people out of the house, leaving the Mercedes’ owners in peace to polish their Teutonic behemoths in the drives of their country ranches. Not so daft, your average Irishman!

What i'd like to know is how you spent your 'ooros'. What places would you reccommend?

Without a doubt the Bed & Breakfast in Dungarven, Cairbre House. Absolutely superb. A beautiful house with a history, (used to be a cholera hospital), a great host and a wonderful breakfast. Also a cafe in the town whose name I've forgotten who did the biggest, juiciest T-bone steak I've ever seen. The Guinness at a wee pub on a road junction near Tralee was easily the best I've ever tasted.

Oi!



(My Special Savings Incentive Account matures next month.)

Hmm, Mercedes or Punto?

InterRail in France.

TRiG.

Ah. Madder than the maddest graduate of Mad University, founded by Mad Paddy O'Mad.

Again, Oi!

I like my bike. And I like public transport, especially trains. And I have no interest in getting a driving licence.

Mad? Of course I'm blooming mad! And proud of it!

TRiG.

Hmmm. Three Ois and I'm out. I'd better tread carefully here.

Something that really impressed me about Ireland, was the way communities are quite forthright in their demands to candidates in the forthcoming elections. I saw lots of placards along the lines of "No Bypass - No Vote". Good for them! The best one was outside a village - "This is the year 2006 and 55 children in our school have no drinking water." I like that approach.

Myself and U5357780 toured round Ireland for a week last year. I wont go into too much detail, but let's just say we met more than one 'Mrs Doyle' look/soundalike in the Bed and Breakfasts we stayed in Really lovely, well-meaning souls, but totally off their rockers! I'm beginning to think Father Ted was a documentary, not a comedy fiction....

*makes careful notes of all of the preceding ... in preparation for a few days around Dublin in September*

Ireland really is beautiful and the Celtic humour is in tune with my own. It definately feels very European though. The small towns remind me of Northern France - that same air of tired neglect juxtaposed with modern development. Occasionally you see things that make you laugh out loud.

Somewhere on the West Coast, driving along noticing the generally well-maintained stone dykes which make a welcome change from sheep fences, but I was wondering about the high cost of maintenance. Then I turned a corner and saw one farmer was making a real statement with his dyke. Obviously fresh, the 3 walls weren't constructed with the usual football sized stones, oh no. This one was made with boulders about 2-3 feet across. The wall was about 6 feet high with a maximum of 3 huge boulders piled on top of each other. It was easily 2 feet thick. It looked like a Giant's garden wall

Some folks talk of Europe so casually ... I'm just a little colonial. I've lived and worked multiple areas each, in Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Ontario, Manitoba and Alberta. And of the US, I've only seen the pan-handle of Florida, and the immediate environs of Rochester, NY.

And you talk so easily of places near you too. The distances between them is far greater than the distances between Scotland, Ireland and France.

Did you know that we're planning to get a bit more in line with Europe? That's right, as of 1 January 2010, all cars will switch to driving on the right side of the road. If it's successful, buses and lorries will do the same a year later.

(Not original, unfortunately. You'll find it in Michael Palin's account of train travel from Derry to Kerry.)



The stone walls in much of the west of Ireland exist mainly as somewhere to put the stones. Their functions as boundaries and as sheep restrainers are secondary.



TRiG.

I thought the stones were to hold the West down and stop the East tipping into the Irish Sea?

11 years ago I was in Waterford and enjoyed the music played in the lofts as much as I did anywhere in the Monteray bay back when I lived there , the beer was better in Ireland too

You are right, SWL. To me, a long'ish drive is anything exceeding 5 hours, ... say 400 miles or so. I'm just accustomed to large spaces between places. But to me, the provinces are all just neighbors. Other actual countries, each theoretically easily found in hours or less than a day ... THAT seems so foreign to me.

So come the early autumn, we will be like sponges. Trying to absorb as much as we can in only 2 short weeks.

That bike was stolen last month. I haven't got myself a new one yet. Must try fixing up my brother's. (He's in Canada for a year.)

TRiG.

What's he look like? If I see him passing by, I'll tell him for you.