h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm just going to put this up as an experiment. As part of my 'funeral minister' training, I spent an afternoon helping out behind the scenes at a local crematorium.

If anyone wants to know about it, please ask...but I'm not going to post it gratuitously...

Actually, it was fascinating....

Oh, Meg, do tell!

Yes please do! I'm very seriously considering that method for myself when the time comes.

What? No gratuitous posting?

Allow me :






Actually, I would like toi hear about it, so please do tell us what goes on in the crematorium.

Thanks!

Forgive this post if it goes in; never mind gratuitous posting, I can't seem to get anything to go on!

Marvellous, it seems to be working again!

I would be fascinated to hear what goes on behind the scenes too. I have never really understood why this subject should be taboo, it comes to all of us in the end.

Did you see the programme on BBC2 last week where a baker became a funeral director? It was interesting, if not a tad surreal.

So do please go for it Meg.(tasteless, moi?)

Yes, I did see the programme...I'm doing a lot of research at the moment.

Thanks for the interest! I told my Mum about it and she'd like to go and see which amazed me...but then it is a good idea I think to know what happens if you can face it.

I'm off to another crem tomorrow ...

I have worked with death and dying people and I can detect a soul if it's still around (and that's one of the reasons that I want to do this so I can work with the occasional possible 'lost' soul). It was so obvious behind the scenes this time that this was nothing to do with anything 'real' or 'living'. The dead people just weren't there. Hard to explain that but if you've seen a dead body it might make sense.

Basically, the guys who carry out the cremations were a mixture of good (and somewhat risque) humour and sensible practicality. They take huge care over labelling so that everyone gets the right ashes (!) They have to laugh, you'd go crazy otherwise I think - but it's all friendly humour and I didn't catch anything that mocked the dead or the mourners. The mourners were always referred to with great respect (although comments were made on one woman with a substantial cleavage! The ministers did come in for some flak however... mainly because they often over-run and that really creates some problems.

Funerals are watched on video cameras so they can check that all is well (they would provide security or back-up if needed)and the funeral directors also come in and watch. There are two buttons for the minister to press...one for music (in addition to an organist) and one to close the curtains/move the coffin through. All these are actually done by the people behind the screens not by the minister.

At this particular crem, the coffins go straight through doors into a large area which is curtained off from the mourners and which has sliding trolleys which are attached to two ovens. The ovens are both just slightly larger than the coffins. The coffins slide in on rollers and are basically torched with gas flames for an hour and a half.

You can get to look in through two circular eye holes to see if they need more time. I did look and it was okay (just)...

Unless it's a child (which they say is very difficult for them too) there are always fragments of bone left and, also, any hip joints, pins etc. Gold or silver jewellery just vanishes into tiny metallic grey blobs so they don't even look.

The remains are raked out very carefully, the discernable metal taken out (and buried in the crem gardens later) and then the remains are put into a grinding machine. Then they are funnelled into an individual pot and put in labelled pigeon holes on the wall for the funeral directors to pick up.

There were some baby ashes there. No substance or weight to them at all...

So, that's about it. Any questions?!

We have one crematorium but they don't actually hold services there. The services are held at the funeral parlors or churches or wherever. Sometimes the cremation is done before the service. I suppose that happens when the body isn't embalmed. And sometimes the body is taken to the crematorium after the service.

I heard one time that the families are only given a small fraction of the actual ashes. Is that true?

No, I don't think so. Certainly not from what I saw. I would say it's unlikely that you get 100% because there is always going to be the odd few particles of dust that just go up into the air and maybe a few specks will be left in the grinder but you will get 98%. The body fat, muscle etc just dissolves into smoke and it's only ash from the coffin and shards of bone left. Basically, just one shovel-full.

With a baby or a non-viable foetus, there's less than a handful of ash and most of that's from the coffin.

So, really, most of the body is released by fire into being air which is sort of nice in a collective consciousness sort of way.

The minerals would all be there, in the form of their oxides. Some charcoal too? Would there be an option of burning the corpse without the coffin? I mean, who really wants the coffin-ashes?
There is a service of converting human ashes into diamonds, got a link somewhere, must look. Rather expensive though.

I like the idea of sending them into space. Also outrageously expensive.

Do any of you know if ashes are more commonly buried, scattered, or kept in an urn on the mantle?

I found the reference about ashes to diamonds, it's actually on BBC!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2209799.stm