h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I remember when Nate put out a cigarette on his arm. He said he wanted to know what it felt like. It left a round scar on the inside of his elbow. I thought he was an idiot, but now I also wonder, if not for the same reasons.

I want it to hurt when I die. If it doesn't hurt when you die, how can you be sure you were ever alive? Of course, by the time this existential angst hits you, you will be dead, and I doubt you will be worrying about it for too long.

I want to hold my breath until I pass out. I am afraid of suffocation, and fear is a cage. Perhaps if I can do it, I will be free. Free to go build more cages.

A week's worth of pants, shirts, underwear, socks, a bra, a pair of black shoes...Sometimes I wish I could bring myself to set fire to the rest. I won't. I shouldn't. But perhaps I can make the thought count.
Nihilism won't solve anything. It is not the goal. But it is a stop on the journey.


I have slept my way through 4 years. It is time to wake up. How-to.


I used to miss being in love. I didn't miss him, I missed the emotion. I didn't even care if anyone loved me back. Love hurts; it lets you know you're alive. Cigarette burns and chest pains, blood and dilated eyes. What a cop out. How lazy can I get?

I want to put it off. In 2 years, I graduate, and then I can join the Peace Corps. I will see pain and death and fear, and I will know what it means. I will leave my fingernail scratch on the granite-walled dungeon, and then I will know I was alive, with no need to remind myself ever again. Can you see the mark? Just there...It's hard to make out in this light, I know, but there it is. That was me.
Beyond that, my visions of the future fade.

I look forward to being a grandmother.

I a a spoiled rich kid. When I was 3, my dad left us, and we had nothing. We were on welfare, homeless. That's my badge. But I don't remember then, I remember now. Now, if I overdraft on my bank account, my mom puts $100 in it, and it's all okay again.

It will be hard work, and I don't know how to do it, but I will wake myself up. Where'd I put my Bible?