h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My dearest Thadius,

My thoughts are with you on this Christmas Day. How the past two years since I set out on my journey to find the source of the Thames have been filled with calamitous happenings and rollicking adventure. Yet, it seems like only yesterday that I was opening Christmas presents with the all of you at Cavendish hall and how I felt safe and secure in the confines of your glorious munificence. Remember how we laughed when Grandmama fell from her rocking chair into the fire and we all joined in rolling her about on the floor to put her out, chuckling and singing Christmas carols as we did? I can still see the beaming looks on the children's faces as the ambulance took her away, her singed hair still smoking in such a festive fashion. Ah, the memories of that last Yuletide have been my strength all this time.

Enough of the reminiscences for now though, Thadius, I must tell you of my adventure so far. As you know from my last missive from Barcelona, I met a man who assured me that for just a few thousand American dollars, he could put me in touch with a man who has a friend who may know the whereabouts of a map pinpointing the source of the Thames? Well, to my delight, I managed to find this fellow in the darkest jungles of Mozambique. After four days of trekking through beast-infested undergrowth (and the unfortunate shooting of a good deal of my African guides for food, which also resulted in my having to leave behind my precious cargo of plumbing fixtures that no one was left to carry) I arrived at a rather salubrious collection of huts and lean-tos on what looked like the site of an elephant's graveyard. My quarry came into sight bedecked, incongruously, in the finest Marks and Spencers regalia, (replete with a splendid little felt hat that I thought would suit you to a tee, Thadius)and said in a deep and resonant baritone; "I suppose your here to read the meter...?" to which I replied in my most eloquent fashion,"No, I'm not". It was a splendid first encounter and, after we got over the mix-up about the purpose of my arrival and my rather poor attempts to fathom the nuances of meter-reading, we were soon discussing the prospect of finding the source of the Thames....