h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm going to a funeral today. It's not anyone close, but it's always sad when it's someone so young. The boy was 24. His mother is a colleague of my husband's and, way back then, we lived in the same village. When the boy who has now died was small, a month younger than my oldest, they used to play together, go to each others' birthday parties.

When they were about five, we moved away, and the other boy was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. I never saw him again, although I met his mother at the occasional school function, of course, at the school where she and my husband teach.

Until a couple of weeks ago, we bumped into them at an archaeology exhibition. He looked fine, except for being in a wheelchair. He was, to all intents and purposes, immobile - I couldn't shake his hand or anything. But he was at university and getting on fine; he was a keen chess player. Our son remembers him from playground days, and we often said they should get together for a game of chess some time (when they were sort of 13/14).

And last Friday he died. Because I have the week off work, I can afford the time to go to the funeral. It's not that I am upset - for the last 20 years we've known he would have a short life, and, as I say, I hadn't seen him for 20 years. My husband and I will go to pay our respects and show support for the parents.

His parents gave him a very full life, going on exotic holidays and taking him everywhere; showing him as much of the world as possible - often being the first to go places with a wheelchair. She has had to get up several times a night for all these years to turn him over regularly. Heaven knows what else was involved - washing, feeding, dressing. She's very petite and he was quite a sturdy lad.

She is always smiling, is a very religious person (she's a religion teacher - among her many brothers and uncles are priests; it's in the family).

I am wondering what it was like for the younger brother, and what it'll be like for him now. Well, I should find out this afternoon.

Off to find something to wear now. In murder stories on TV and in films it's always pouring with rain at funerals. Every funeral I've ever been to it's been unbearably hot, like today.

Look after yourself, TC, wear something light.

for the family and the young manmay he find eternal peace and his family much comfort.

Dear TC,

Thank you for telling us about this young man. We often forget how fortunate we are.
How wonderful that he had such devoted parents, and was also able to go to |University. Even though he was virtually paralysed he was able to sample at least some of what life has to offer to us. So it is good that you are going, both to show your respects and to bless a family who never gave up.

MHDSRIP
(May his dear soul rest in peace)

Kind regards

Christiane AR1

innit

There are all kinds of funerals

Some are really happy occasions

indeed, the "best" ones are a celebration of life.

but still - it's a hard thing to lose someone, even when it is expected

Thank you for your comments.

It was a moving and sincere ceremony. Because he was a young lad, all his friends made it a young gathering, although many of the teachers from the school were there (Well, they were the only ones I knew really. I imagine his own teachers and professors were represented as well and I hope they were at least as numerous as his mother's colleagues)

I didn't manage to get hold of a programme but I knew all the songs anyway. None of those who did have a programme made a good job of the singing, but it was difficult really to sing anything with much gusto in that situation. I knew I'd regret not taking any tissues.

"In manus tuas, Pater, commendo spiritum meum" - well, I had too much of a lump in my throat to sing that, although I like it so much. I hope a choir sings it at my funeral.

His family were very brave. The only one openly crying was his brother (I think he's about 22). There were baskets of rose petals to throw in the grave. They were standing on the ground and I found it very fitting to have to crouch down to pick them up. I stayed crouching to throw them in.

Websailor

So it goes.

I really hope that the next funeral I'll have to go to is in the very far away future

They get you down? Practise by going to the funeral of someone who meant little or nothing to you.

Tomorrow is the funeral of Irish ex-PM Charles Haughey, a man who came home from a weekend in Paris with his mistress to give a speech to the nation on family values . . . who told the nation they were living beyond their means and must economise, while he was living on million-pound gifts from businessmen, and expanding his already grandiose lifestyle . . .

I'm sure there are plenty of funerals to choose from.

My attendance tomorrow will not be at Charles Haughey's, but at the funeral of the mother of a friend of mine. She fell into a coma at the age of 90, and, once her grandchildren had gathered at her bedside, slipped away quietly.

May we all go thus

"They get you down"? - Not really. They are necessary, to draw a line under the person's life and their part in your life, and, therefore, by definition are relatively cathartic. Different if it's really close family, of course, and immensely different if it's your own offspring.

Funerals are strange things, aren't they? I've been to two to youngish people - my brother and one of my best friends.

I've thought for quite a while that I'd like Jake Thackray's 'Last Will & Testament' at mine. Not sure how it would go down with those at the funeral, mind.

Ah, there's a highly inadequate entry on Jake Thackray A378326 - badly in need of an update. If I get round to doing entries again, it's one I would like a crack at. I've seen him so many times ...

On the subject of his own death he said (and I may be paraphrasing here) 'After I snuff it, they can stick me in a plastic bag, and shove me off the end of the pier if they like.'

Ah I've found the words: http://joni.soc.surrey.ac.uk/~scs1ec/will.html

Ifound the words at the same time as you ZSF! Hadn't heard that one before. I like him.

I want tbe New Orleans Funeral March at mine. I'm not sure what the reaction would be either.

Websailor

Good for you, Websailor! I certainly wouldn't want people to be miserable at my funeral, but then again, I can't imagine anyone being really sad anyway (except for little , who'd be rather lost). Unless it's my parents, and I certainly intend to outlive them.

I'd not thought of a New Orleans style funeral march, but it kind of equates to Jake's knees-up.

Thank you, Websailor - I've done a lot of going down memory lane - including a wonderfully idiosyncratic version of 'On again' by Bernard Wrigley (someone I saw a lot of in my youth).

o/±

I'm sure a lot of people would miss you and be sad. Thinking about it can I have mine BEFORE I go? I want to hear the music (with the trumpets and the outfits etc.) and I would miss it.

and here's to a long and happy life for us both

Websailor

It's not really fair on those left behind to do without a funeral altogether. People need to feel that they have said goodbye properly. The person the least worried is, of course, the deceased themselves. My father is also of the "In A Plastic Bag off the End of a Pier" school - but it strikes me as a rather selfish attitude.

He has a very relaxed view of dying, and doesn't see what all the fuss is about. If he weren't so old, he'd be quite happy for good use to be made of his innards, but no one will want those of a nonegenarian (?) which is what he most likely will be before he goes.

A take-it-or-leave-it attitude to death surely reflects (and invokes) a similar attitude to life. And where would that lead? Although.. I wouldn't put it past him to be in favour of abortion and even killing of infants if they are disabled. But I'm not going to broach the subject to find out. He's a total barsteward and I wish I hadn't mentioned him now.