h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello.
This is an idea I came up with while I was bored. I'm reading Plato's Republic right now, so that's where it came from. This book is written in a dialog form, so it's really just one long conversation. The main character just happens to be Socrates (Correctly pronounced "Sock-rat-ease," but I like to say "So-cray-ts" just to annoy people who are overly worried about that type of thing), who was Plato's teacher until the Athenian government very rudely decided to execute him.
Anyway, Socrates' style of conversation when he's reaching for a goal is to ask lots of questions, which someone else answers, eventually leading to a conclusion, hopefully.
I thought it would be really, REALLY funny to have Marvin the Paranoid Android answer these questions, because they have such opposing views of the world.
So, I said to (mara), "Hey, wouldn't this be funny?" She thought it would, until I said that I wouldn't be able to write in Socrates' style. Once she found out she might actually have to do work, she still wanted to do it, so here we are, as soon as she answers this.
And, in my usual style, I'm being apathetic and leaving this up to you, dear.
-Wolf

(P.S.- Don't post a reply to this unless you're (mara) jade, please. This one is only for the conversation. If you feel it necessary to make a comment, positive or negative, please put it under the "Marvin vs. Socrates Comment Box". Thank you.)

I walked down the the Piraeus yesterday with Arthur, son of Dent, to make my prayers to the goddess. As this was tjhe first celebration of her festival, I wished to see how the ceremony would be conducted. The prayers and spectacle were over, and we were leaving to go back to the city, when from some way off a robot caught sight of us starting homewards, and trudged up after us. I heard his gears turning quietly behind me, and turned round and asked where his master was.

Marvin: Oh, I see. No questions about how I am, eh? With the robots it's always just, "Master this, Master that." No one cares about how a ROBOT feels, because, of course, we're just machines. Well, machines can have feelings, too, Mister Socrates.

Socrates: Interesting point you have there, Robot. Perhaps we could have a seat beside this road and converse on your point.

Marvin: Oh, I see. "A seat alongside the road." No invitation to "Come over to my house and we'll talk" or, "Let's step into this restaurant for a while."
Honestly, Socrates, do you enjoy sitting on those rocks? I enjoy having rocks scratching my metal rear about as much as you do. Not that you have a metal rear, so you wouldn't really know what I'm talking about.
No one understands my pain. No one can see why I'm so depressed. It's quite sad, really. I've got a bigger brain than anyone in this universe, and I'm more depressed than all of them put together.

Socrates: So basically what you're saying, Robot, is that your brain is the ideal form of all brains? Which would mean that your pain should be felt by all humans, being as your brain is perfect in form. Is this what you are saying...?

...And if you would be more comfortable, we could always stop at that lovely-looking pub down the way...

Arthur: I'll buy you as pint, Socrates.

Socrates: Thank you, Arthur.

*points in the general direction of the pub down the lane, begins walking*

Socrates: Come, Robot... Will you join us...?

Marvin: Oh, fine, why not. My name is Marvin, in case you cared, which you probably didn't, since you didn't even offer to buy me a pint. Not that I would drink it anyways, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Arthur: You couldn't drink it anyway, Marvin...

Socrates: The Rob- I mean "Marvin," pardon, has got a point though, Arthur. Why did we not offer to buy him a pint?

Arthur: Because he would rust.

Socrates: Right. Although, would it not have been just to offer him one anyway?

Arthur: I guess... Do you have a point, Socrates...?

Socrates: That's an interesting question. Let me ponder that... Hmmmm...

Arthur: Gods...

Socrates: Quiet...! I'm pondering...

Arthur: *begins walking*

Socrates: *still pondering*

Arthur: *looks back at MArvin* Are you ever going to come, or are you just going to stand out here and collect dust like Socrates over there...?

Socrates: Oh all right... *stops pondering* I'm coming.

Marvin: Very well. "Marvin this, Marvin that." Bah.

Arthur: Oh stop it Marvin. You're just depressing me.

Socrates: *hangs back and walks next to Marvin* Now then, Robot, what are your views on the perfect form of a Robot? Do you believe that perhaps you are in fact the perfect form of a robot?

Marvin: OF COURSE I'M THE PERFECT FORM OF ROBOTS!!!!
I'm smarter than I look, all right?!
*sigh*
A brain the size of a planet, and they ask me questions like this.

Socrates: Don't take it too seriously Rob-I mean, "Marvin," *makes air-quotes* You seem a great deal more inteligent than you look.... *clears throuat* Now then...

*They reach the bar and enter. Arthur has already aquired a booth for them*

Socrates: *walks up to Arthur: Oh hello, Arthur! *looks back at Marvin* Do sit down, Robo-I mean, Marvin. And rest yourself.

Marvin: Rest.

I've been ordered to rest, so here I am. But don't think that I enjoy it in the least, because I don't. I hope you do. Hope... Oh, God, I'm so depressed.

Arthur: *under his breath* Oh great Gods... Here we go again... *orders a large Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster*

Sorcrates: Now then, "Marvin," *makes air quotes* what is it precicely, that made you so depressed?