This is a Journal entry by Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like Started conversation Oct 9, 2003
Or: The joys of working in a Government Funded Department. Part 73 of a lifetime series.
(Please note: The department described in this piece is entirely hypothetical and in no way should it be assumed that it is meant to resemble a real Government Department IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.)
Those with a nervous disposition with regard to the use of their taxes may wish to look away now.
Let us assume the following. There is a Government Department responsible for prosecuting criminals. Part of its remit, naturally enough, is to inform and deal generally with witnesses and the victims of crime. The Government has identified that witnesses and Victims of crime get a bit of a rough deal at court because trials keep being put off for various petty fogging reasons (witnesses not attending, defendants pleading at the door of the court, vital evidence missing, defendants not being brought to court from prison because the prison governor didn't think we were serious, prisoners being sent to court in vans who also have to call at the Palaise de Justice, Lyon and the Supreme Court, Gdansk thus meaning he might arrive just a little after the agreed start time of the trial, that sort of thing.)
To combat the problem, the government introduces an entirely hypothetical initiative - The Witnesses and Victims of Crime Initiative. In order to get it started, you might want to take a sample from the Courts of what happens at these trials and work out were the problems were.
Let us assume that in one of the Pilot areas, by all demonstrable measure, performance is found to be perfect for two of the four months sampled, and the next best thing to perfect for the other two - a total of three aborted trials in four months across a total of twelve courts are directly attributable to to the failure of this department and it’s staff.
Lets assume that the Government have employed a Management Analyst (cost £200k) to analyse this problem. He says these figures are excellent, but of course the rest of the country won't like the standard being set as low as this excellent performance. And of course, if performance is already that close to perfect, it will be very difficult to prove what a huge success this new Government Initiative has been.
The solution of course is simple. You artificially rig the figures to show that the number of failed cases before the initiative was *much* higher.
Do you think they'd believe it if I wrote it as a comedy?
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Haylle (Nyssabird) ? mg to recovery Posted Oct 9, 2003
I wonder how many people know if the journal's author knows. And then I have to wonder quite how huge the balls of said analyst must be, and how often a chiropracter must be consulted for relief from the stress of lugging them about.
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences Posted Oct 9, 2003
Which is exactly why no sane person who wishes to remain in that state should ever work for a Government body.
I'm sure it'll all work out in the end, one way or another, if even only as a return to the previous status quo.
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like Posted Oct 9, 2003
Oh I don't know anything. This is just a hypothetical idea for a comedy series.
Honest.
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like Posted Oct 9, 2003
The joke isn't really on the people who work in the department though. It's on the taxpayers who pay for the Initiatives and the Management Analysts...
The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences Posted Oct 9, 2003
A fact that I'm trying not to think about, what with being a taxpayer and all 
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The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
- 1: Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like (Oct 9, 2003)
- 2: Haylle (Nyssabird) ? mg to recovery (Oct 9, 2003)
- 3: Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences (Oct 9, 2003)
- 4: Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like (Oct 9, 2003)
- 5: Blues Shark - For people who like this sort of thing, then this is just the sort of thing they'll like (Oct 9, 2003)
- 6: Kerr_Avon - hunting stray apostrophes and gutting poorly parsed sentences (Oct 9, 2003)
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