h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Visit... A4188567 please.

It's a poem I have written and I would like comments....even from you El. I want it PERFECT, and nothing will hurt my feelings. Unless you're just mean, in which case I will just ignore you.

I likes it
How long did you work on it?

Well, it took me a few times to say what I wanted to...

"the world is spinning" line came after I had ran one time, and I felt dizzy, and I was like, "Hey! That's a cool line!" It took me a while to think of what to put after that first line. But, when my mind stopped blocking, it didn't take me that long to work on it. Does it look like I didn't spend that much time on it? Be honest.

No, it looks as if you've worked on it for a while.
I know how hard it is to put thoughts into words, I've tried, without much success.

that's what music's for. Seriously. For us shy people, music is a blessing.

For us loud obnoxious people, music is a gift to hear.
Title
(initial reaction)
Leaving Me Behind... abandonment

Paraphrase
1. the world too fast to catch, left weeping
2. haunted/frightened by nightmares, offered no rest even in sleep
3. rain comes and washes away the pain
4. glad of existance, clears up

Connotation
Repetitive - running, chase, crying
Run - exertion, weary road
Rain - hope, relief, refreshed
Rainbow - a fresh perspective

Attitude
At first desolated and miserable, then hunted and tortured but then offered a reprieve

Shift
One between second and third and another in third and fourth... The bleakness brightens and the mood changes for the better

Theme
Have faith in those who love you, there are more than you see sometimes; but when you do, the world is reborn and you cannot be miserable

Title
Suits the theme well

Suggestion
Soon the rain completes it's course = its course
[it's = it is]

thanks. "it's"....seriously, why didn't I see that?

any more suggestions?? Rip it apart, girl!!!! You know you want to!!

It is a very good free verse that expresses your emotions and the moment of revelation, to live to almost the fullest is enough with companionship

Are we not such social animals?

I'm not too good at critique (though actually I _should_ be, seeing as how I'm a Literature student... oops), but I think it's good. Very personal and direct; despite the fact that it is all a metaphore, it's still very clear. Almost like a piece of speech rather than a poem (in a good way!).

I'm assuming this is based on personal experience? If so...

yea, it is based on experience. But, I have learned from it and thank you for the hug!!

No probs. Glad to hear you're doing alright.

thanks.