h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I often wonder if there is any surgery involved in obtaining a marketing degree (like collagen injections are required for actors). I own a submarine sandwich shop that is part of a franchise. This franchise has a "marketing department". My marketing guru, and I use that term sarcastically, seems to be lacking a frontal lobe. Which is why I wonder about the skill requirements for the job.
I picture a long assembly line, or un-assembly line in this case, where prospective students are whisked along a conveyer belt to the sound of famous TV commercial jingles. At the end is the Lobototron 6000©, a “golden” arch that straddles the conveyor and performs instantaneous lobotomies on the students as they pass below. Thus reducing I.Q. levels to marketing standards, i.e. a little above wet paper bag but not as high as an elementary school gym teacher.