h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... at revision. I just can't keep focused, even though I know if I don't get down to it I will either:
a) get a much lower pass mark than I know I'm capable of, or
b) fail completely

I think it's partly study fatigue from the glut of assessed coursework that had to be done in a (for me) short period and guilt that I haven't been looking after my family properly while I have been studying so hard, so I end up leaving the study to do washing, cleaning, shopping for food and cooking.

To keep promising my son that I will make up for having no time for him for 9 months of the year over 3 months of summer is really depressing; by the time I finish my degree (probably even before) he won't really need me any more. Have I sacrificed spending the last few years of good times with my son for a selfish need to prove something to myself?

very difficult question...

but a lot of moms who needed to prove themselves and didn't, fell into depression or, worse, took their frustration out on their children.

how old is he? you seem to work a lot on history, can't you tell him about it as good-night stories, thus spend time with him and review the material at the same time?

He's 13 next month, Nim.

One positive side of my studies is that it has fired his imagination and appreciation for history.

He was studying 1066 at school recently, and it was lovely to be able to sit down and discuss the story and its issues together. He achieved a really good grade for his work on that project, which is probably when he realised what fun history could be (he had previously said that he hated history and it was boring!)

It's also given him a new perspective on homework when he realises what he does in a term doesn't compare to what I have to do in a week!

Perhaps it's not so bad. He frequently tells me how proud he is of me (which makes me tearful, in a good way) and I have taken him to visit the campus. For a kid who claims not to like books (how can he be my son?!? ) he was over-awed by the library, and now wants to do well at school so he can go there himself.

We also laugh together quite a lot that I will be graduating from uni at the same time he finishes high school.

He is unbelievably supportive, and very mature for his age in understanding why I need to do this. I'm immensely proud of the fact that he is a sensitive, caring boy with an ability to understand what makes other people tick.

I just worry in case its all a front and deep down he's feeling neglected. He tells me this isn't the case, and we do make time to have a cuddle and talk every day, even if only for 10 minutes or so. I love him to pieces, and I suppose that's why it bothers me.

Perhaps I'll open the question up to the community - see what other moms think.

Thanks loads for the response, Nim.

maybe double up on the cuddle time?

but it sounds as if your are doing really well with him, and are just a little bit under pressure. I think many (not all, of course, but still many) moms who do stay at home don't take that much time to connect with their kids, while you understand its importance and so make time on purpose

You're right about the pressure thing, Nim. I'm terrified of the upcoming exams - I haven't sat a proper exam for 22 years!

I know my son realises how much I love him and how important he is to me, I'd just like to be able to "prove it" more often, if that makes sense.

Just realised how that sounds... I don't mean in a 'Michael Jackson' way!