h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Following on from this conversation F50359?thread=8314020 which gradually turned into Stories of the Bus and the Silly People Who Drive Them and the Silly People Who Use Them, this new conversation is solely for that purpose, and since it was Sho who really kicked the whole thing off with her Commuter Tales posts on Twitter, I think she should have the honour of the first gripe against the pillocks we have to share public transport with; a juicy one already hinted at here F50359?thread=8314020&latest=1#p110952860

ah, fancy seeing this!

so this morning i got on my lovely swish double-decker train. I get on the first carriage as there are usually fewer people. I was happy to note that it was a newer coach than usual, wider seats with higher backs. And aircon. Woo hoo.

I went up stairs. The first group of seats is a single seat facing two seats. The single seat was occupied, as was the outside of the two seats, with the woman stretched out with her legs in the space where in the other groups there would be a seat opposite her. Fast asleep.

It was, unusually, quite full, so I decided to go for that first seat, next to the window (under the aircon, so lovely). So I said "excuse me" (well, "entschuldigung" because that's what they say here)

No answer

so I said it again, twice. Each time louder. No reaction.

So I stepped over her legs to sit down. And as I did so my bag caught her arm.

"oh danke, das war SO NETT" (thanks, that was so nice) and proceded to berate me for being clumsy (in a moving train)

At which the man said "she asked 3 times, but you were snoring"

hahahahahaha

Hoo hah!

I'm taking a bus trip to Dallas in a few weeks.

Watch this space

If I had got off work five minutes earlier this evening I'd have been home an hour and a half ago

When I'd finished doing everything I needed to do today I went to get changed and put everything in my bag, then I checked the departure time of the next bus: three minutes. Dammit - it's a six minute walk to the stop - I know I won't make it. Let's check the timetable to see when the next one is... 20 minutes. Okay, not so bad, and it means only a 13 minute wait for my connection. A Good Thing when the temperature's still above 100, plus I can earn a few extra minutes overtime on top of the hour and a half I made today.

Ten minutes later I check the departure time... 23 minutes. Wait, that can't be right It should be ten minutes. I keep looking at it and it doesn't change. Then it comes down to 21 minutes. Okay. This is not unfamiliar territory with this particular route, and especially around this time of the day. I have no idea why that should be.

Ooh, wait a minute There's another bus I can get, one that I used to take, which will get me downtown, and I can pick up another bus there to take me to within a ten minute walk of home. I should add that whenever I've turned up at this particular stop to catch this particular bus, without first checking the timetable, I've always had a long wait for it. This is a central Austin stop served by almost a dozen buses, and it's been my experience that my bus will always be the last one of all those others to show up. As it was last night when I got dropped off there by one of my co-workers after a bunch of us had a few after-work beers

Any road up. I check the departure time for this other bus... eight minutes. Result! I can make that with a few minutes to spare although the stop where I catch it is in the opposite direction to the bus stop I normally go to.

I head out the door, get half way to the stop only to see the bus come out of the side street it comes out of and take off

Okay, I guess I'll walk back to my usual stop and wait for that one, even though it means missing my connection and having to wait 25 minutes for the next one. In 100° temperatures. So I wait, and I wait, and... there it is, almost 20 minutes late (they run every 20 minutes) and yes, the next scheduled bus is right behind it, on time

I get on. It's crowded, naturally. I see a seat with someone sitting in the window seat. But she's got some kind of shopping trolley taking up the floor space next to her plus a bag on the aisle seat, and she ain't moving any of her shit for no-one. She won't even make eye contact. So I find another seat. Behind me there's a bunch of braying yahoos. I've no idea what they were braying about because I had my earphones in, listening A Prairie Home Companion. Being able to drown out the sounds of the pillocks I share my journey with is the the only thing that keeps me sane, the only thing that keeps me from going postal on someone.

Eventually we get to the stop where I usually get off to wait for my next bus, which I duly do. I decide to check the departure times for this stop, and I do indeed have to wait 22 minutes for my connection.

Wait a minute. There's another bus right behind the one I just got off - the one that's on time. That bus goes to the South Austin transit centre - a sort of nexus for several routes. And I know I can pick up a bus there which will take me to within a ten minute walk of Fort Gosho. Although I know that one runs infrequently. I check the timetable (which I wouldn't have been able to do a few weeks ago, before I got the new phone ). Wow, can this be right? The bus that's due here will get me to the transit centre at 7.24pm, and the bus I want to pick up there leaves at 7.31. That's a far thinner margin than I'd like, but bugger it - I'm going to take a chance. Dang - if only I stayed on that first bus I'd have been sure of getting there.

The bus comes, I get on it and we take off. Naturally, there's someone at every stop, even though the bus that was late passed by only a few minutes ago. No-one had their fare ready; no-one can remember which pocket they put their bus pass or their money in I'm looking at the on-board clock and thinking "I'm not going to make this connection, and it's a 45 minute wait for the next one, and it's too far to walk. I'm not going to get home until nearly nine o'clock " (I got off work at just after 6pm).

We get to the transit centre with two minutes to spare, but... I don't see the bus I want to catch at the bay where it's supposed to be, and I know this bus always has at least a ten-minute stand-time before it heads off. It can't have left early can it? One thing I've noticed since the new departure time feature went live is that drivers won't leave time points along the route early like they used to, and this is the southern terminus for this route. Am I really going to have to wait another 45 minutes for the next one>

It turns out no - this bus is also running late. It shows up six minutes later, just a few moments after a bum tries to blag money out of me.

So, long story short: I finished work at a little after 6pm. I could have been home by a little after 7pm if I'd clocked out five minutes earlier. I actually set foot in the door at 8.19pm.

To give you a frame of reference, if I had a car or a motorbike I could have been home by 6.30pm

on Friday we can leave the office any time after 2:30pm. My bus goes every 10 minutes and it takes me less than 2 minutes to get to the bus stop. I go from there to the airport station, where about 6 trains an hour (some direct, some local stoppers) go to Düsseldorf main station. It takes between 5 and 12 minutes depending on the type of train I get. The direct train to where i live goes at 22 minutes past the hour, the one where I have to change (and is tiny, smelly and full and therefore only for emergency use) goes at 48.

At 15:45, 16:30 and 17:45 there are extra trains. They are usually very old and have 2 extra stops, but generally aren't very full so I quite like them.

On Friday I was going for the 16:22. It was running 15 minutes late, and when that happens, I decide to take the 2nd train, because everyone who is waiting for the 22 past (a double decker) jumps on the scabby old (single decker) one. the few minutes extra wait doesn't bother me so much as being squished on a not smelly train with lots of hot (and not in a good way) smelly commuters.

so i got my train. And we trundled off. And about 10 minutes into the journey they announced that due to an emergency medical situation, the trains would be stopping at the station before mine (6 minutes by train) and that buses (they mean 1 bus... for a double decker train) would take us to our station and beyond.

This is the 2nd time within a week that has happened and it's a disaster. Also the day before it had happened to the trains behind me on the way to work. Turns out to have been 3 people jumping (deliberately it seems) in front of trains. 3 people in the span of 7 days...

Anyway, I got off the stop before where the trains were due to end, 10 minutes to my home town by train, because there is a direct bus from there (Mönchengladbach). I had to wait 35 minutes for the bus (so I had a rather delicious ice cream) which was packed and takes 50 minutes.

I wasn't in a hurry and I'm reading a really good book so it wasn't a problem. But if that hadn't been the case I would have been Very Cross.

That problem with the first of my buses last night is also the second time it's happened within a week. On the first occasion the first of the two that came together sailed past me with DROP OFF ONLY showing on the display at the front so I had to get the second. That wasn't the case last night, meaning I got the more crowded (and rowdy ) of the two buses, not was last week's instance even the first time I've had to wait almost until the next scheduled bus for my bus to arrive.

The 300 is without a doubt the most unreliable bus on the network. There's a woman who works at the local food co-op who does the same journey as me but in reverse - she lives near where I work and works near where I live. Whenever I see her we exchange stories - multiple stories - of how awful it can be to have to rely on that route.

By the way. Because I ended up on a different bus last night and had a different, longer walk home I went past the offie, which I wouldn't otherwise have done. Bought myself a bottle of Plymouth gin and poured two great big jinnan tonnyx when I got home

We travelled to Münster last weekend. Absolutely nothing went wrong, except an extended delay in Cologne - also due to one of those "medical crises".

A relatively pain-free ride home tonight (leaving aside the usual quota of numptys, numbskulls, muppets and pillocks), despite the 300 once again being 20 minutes late.

I'm supposed to clock off at 4.00 on Sunday but if I caught the first 300 after that I'd have a horribly long wait for the 331. Actually, if the buses were guaranteed to run to time I'd have an incredibly short wait for the 331 - two minutes

In this town, if your window between one bus and the next is less than 15 minutes there's *no* guarantee that you're going to make the connection. None at all. As for two minutes between buses, you'd have a better chance of getting a sensible comment out of Donald Trump.

So I usually work an extra 15-20 minutes and catch the next bus, timed to arrive at 4.46pm. That one gives me an eight-minute wait my connection. Cutting it fine, especially on a Sunday afternoon when the 300 goes past a busy, busy bus stop outside a main supermarket in east Austin. Today I got changed, checked the departure time for the bus stop... 12 minutes. No, that can't be right. That means it'll arrive about eight minutes early. The buses don't do that any more. Watched it a bit more; still running early. Oh well, that'll give me a better chance of catching the next bus, right?



It did, as a matter of fact, but only just. There were so many idiots using this bus, plus a change of drivers as we passed the main bus depot that we made it to the connecting stop later than if I'd caught the bus I should have got on at 4.46. Which showed up a few minutes later Just before my second bus did.

So the bus I picked up at 4.40 must have been the 4.22 running almost 20 minutes late. I really have to talk to someone at Cap Metro about this. Three times in a week and twice in two days.

Our local NPR affiliate is covering Houston's Commuter Tales this week. Houston's Metro bus system is overhauling their routes. Not everyone is pleased as you might expect.

http://www.houstonpublicmedia.org/hpmnews/rerouting-houston-buses/

That kind of things has happened to me, as well as all the people I know who use the bus. I've spoken before about how difficult it is now to get to the Indian food shop where I get my tea. It used to be two buses, now it's three since they decided to change the routes around. A journey I could do in maybe 15 minutes in a car can take an hour and a half because of the two connections and the way that the bus I'm on always seems to arrive just after the one I want to connect to.

On the other hand, both the buses I use to get to work are among the handful that have been made to run every 15 minutes on weekdays between 7am and 7pm.

Of course, it doesn't help that one of them is the 300 which often runs 20 minutes late

And which is running late again

"Lose the wait" scream the posters and billboards. "Buses every 15 minutes!"

How long to the next one? 21 minutes

It's another one of those 'If I could have got out ten minutes earlier' situations. The one I'd have got then would be the one running only three minutes late, the one that was 'Due' when I looked at the departure times.

And once more: The 300 before the one I caught (the one I should have caught if I'd got off work on time) was running on time. The one I actually caught was running seven minutes late and lost another five minutes on the journey so that I saw my connecting bus pulling away as we turned the corner. The 300 after the one I caught was also running on time because it swept by a few minutes after I got off my one.

Which all meant I ended up on *that* driver's bus again - the one who slows down (and sometimes stops) for green lights; who stops (and often opens the doors) even though no-one requested a stop; who stops (and often opens the doors) at a stop if there's anyone walking within 50 yards of the stop; who drives so slowly you have to figure he's perpetually petrified of hitting anything.

Time clocking off: 4.08pm
Time I'd have got home if I clocked off at 4.00: 5.15pm
Time I'd have got home if the bus I caught had been on time: 5.30pm
Time I actually got home: 5.45pm
Time I'd have got home if I had my own transport: 4.35pm

Every Saturday morning on the bus I take to work - same bus every Saturday - there's the same bloke, shouting into a Bluetooth earpiece It's one of those conversations where the person at the other end only ever listens. That's all they can do because he talks non-stop. Loudly. Who the zarking fardwarks can you be talking to for 25 minutes every Saturday morning at 7.30am?

On the way home there was a woman in front of me who was laughing and hooting into her phone (she had an earpiece with an inline mic) from the moment she got on (one stop after me) until after I got off. Not only hooting but rocking back and forth.

It was the exact opposite of having a noisy kid behind you at the cinema, kicking the back of your seat.

I'm always tempted to act like they're talking to me and see how long it takes for them to notice. Oh, I don't always resist the temptation. It's rather astonishing the faces they make when they do notice. It's like I I offered them a deep fried road kill nutria sandwich. Like *I'm* the rude one!? How dare I interupt they're private conversation?

is it only the fact that they're loud that disturbs you? Or would you be as cross if both people were there?

I don't understand.

I'm wondering what it is that annoys you. Is it that they are loud? or is it that they are loud with someone who is not there?

Because while I find both intensely annoying, I also use my commute time to take care of calls and things that I need to do. Although I do try not to be loud.

In the case of the bloke it's because he's loud, it's every week, it's 7.30 in the morning (meaning most of the handful of people on the bus have not been up long and are trying to ease into the day), and the volume isn't necessary.

In the case of the woman it's because she was loud, kept throwing herself back against the seat in front of me (flinging her long hair over the back of the seat and almost into my face) when she was rocking back and forth, and her hooting laughter had everyone looking in her direction.

I'm used to people making mobile calls in public now - I guess most of us are, even those of us who hated it at first, although I still can't abide it in a restaurant.