h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Man o Man! Do you watch this show?

I love this show. Yeah, yeah, I know it's a cartoon. I know it's really just a commercial for a toyline. I know all this and still I support it because they actually give me something for my entertainment buck!

A spinoff / continuation of the Beast Wars show, Beast machines far surpasses anything dreamt of by that precursor.

So far there have been (I think) 13 episodes shown in the USA on FoxKids (see local listings). The new season starts on Saturday August 5, 2K. I haven't seen every episode, but I know enough to say many things with authority. My VCR is on the fritz and records just snow when I program it, but will record fine if I'm watching at the same time. I'm hoping that Hasbro / MainFrame will release the show on DVD sometime around Christmas. That would be boss!

At the start, we find Optimus Primal being chased by these tanks that seek to to kill him. He remembers nothing of how he got here or how to transform into a more combat-ready form. He is stuck in his Gorilla beast mode. He finds that trying to transform just causes him pain as electrical shorts course across his form. He runs.

He comes across some of his compatriots from the Beast Wars fought on primeval Earth. Optimus finds he is pulled to the others by a shining in his eyes and a mysterious voice. He finds RatTrap, Cheetor, and BlackArachnia Following the voice, he commands his team to go down. Descending through archeological layers of time, we see the Maximals pass earlier ages of Transformer history. Weakening from the malady that freezes their servomotors and circuitry, BlackArachnia can't continue making her webline and it breaks. She falls first into the blackness below, then Optimus (who carries Cheetor on his shoulders), and then RatTrap each fall in turn.

Landing on a black surface surrounded by blackness on all sides, the team feels their end coming. Power fading, systems seizing, each Maximal expresses disgust with their fate. Optimus, however, refuses to give up. He picks up a chunk of debris and hurls it, filled with his fury, into the sky.

The brick shatters the black dome encircling them, and the sky floods with light. The Maximals see they stand on a bridge running through a tunnel. At then end of this tunnel, a great ring circumferences the bridge. Emanating from the ring is a scene of stars and worlds and large amorphous bubbles stream into the tunnel. Optimus hears the voice speaking to him again. It welcomes him and tells him it is the great Oracle computer of legend, it foretold the coming of the first Transformers to Cybertron. It wishes to restore Cybertrons organic origins to the world, to no longer be layer upon layer of machine and circuit.

It welcomes Optimus into its' folds, it remakes him into an new form, and cures him of the virus infecting his systems. It does the same for the others. Their new bodies are sleeker, more designed. They give impressions of great strength for Optimus, great speed for Cheetor, great sneakiness for RatTrap, and filled with more lurking menace for BlackArachnia.

They soon have to put these bodies to the test as they are attacked by a squadron of Vehicon cycles. These cycles attack with a speed that would think it surprising that they stay on the ground. They then transform into a uni-cyclic robot form and start firing.

The Maximals expect no problems and call out their transformation activation sequence code . . .to no effect. Having to resolve the conflict in their Beast modes, presents the Maximals with frustration as they have typically given their Beast modes short shrift. They split up and handle a cycle apiece. Cornered, BlackArachnia raises her fangs and awaits her attacker. The cycle speeds down the tunnel only to be ensnared in the web that BlackArachnia had spun and lain in the shadows. Cheetor runs. The cycle chasing him speeds up, Cheetor only snickers and speeds up into a blur. The blur bounces from wall to wall keeping the cycle's attention away from the boulder blocking it's path. RatTrap needs nothing special. He hides in the shadows until his pursuer passes by unwittingly. he then leaps and starts gnawing at the struts and suspension on the cycles' rear wheel. This obviously causes his cycle to crash into the wall, with RatTrap leaping to safety just in time, of course.

Optimus doesn't fare as well however. He gets the rest of the squadron attacking him. They gang up on him, rushing by firing their cannons causing Optimus to stumble and stagger. He comes perilously close to the edge as three cycles assault him in row and he falls. He is entangled with a cycle-warrior, Optimus screams at him to tell him why they are attacking, why the Maximals can't remember anything, and why they couldn't transform. The Cycle-warrior stares mute and fires his cannon. Optimus wrenches the cannon into the Cycle-warrior's own face causing him to explode.

Screaming, Optimus continues his plummet into the abyss. Then, his eyes glow as the Oracle computer speaks to him. It tells him that the seeds of the future lay in the past, that to control the beast without, he must control the Beast within. Optimus focuses his mind and emotion, he seeks his center of being.

He finds he is Transformed.

His new form has jets sprouting from his lower back and Optimus rockets back to his team. He finds them surrounded by Cycle-warriors. The cycles turn to see the new Maximal hovering above their heads and as one, they fire!

They blasts are dead on target, but Optimus absorbs the blasts through his forearms and returns the fire from his palms.
With the Cycles cleared and scattered, the remaining Maximals take time to admire Optimus' new form. He tells them the secret of Transformation lies within. It must be learned.

He begins their training.