h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have let my son read my writing. He says that much of the time I sound like 'an ignorant injun''. He said it is because of how my sentences are made and 'that kind of thing'. I do not want to embarass him, but I do not see why he should be embarassed. Now I feel embarassed and very self conscious. I am ignorant of very many things but I am not 'stupid'. I feel stupid now. My heart telling my mind a lie. They will struggle against one another for a long time now. My son has a master degree. I worked very hard for him. I worked very hard for all of our children. He loves me I am sure but at times I feel less than he is. That is not how the world is to be ordered. It is not how my world should be ordered. The worlds are as they are. When we raised our children it was to be good people and people that would be able to give and not just take. We made them aware of where they came from, but we made them to be able to find their way in the bigger world. I made them to be curiouse about all things and for an example to them we played a dictionary game at night when school work was doone. They learned a lot. I learned a lot, it was easy for them but not for me. One year we had no money for Christ-Mass gifts. I made all of our children bows and arrows and quivers and braces. The arrows had bird tips so no one would be stabbed. They also were given pouches for the sons made of elk and bear. bags for the daughters made of deer and with beads and quills. They were smaller then and had very much joy for the sake of those gifts. More happiness than with all the other things that were received. My wife was happy too and I was also happy. Now they seem to not care about things like that. They are of no use to them. They are of no use to me since they are only shadows of before times. But they are valuable to me, not to them. I cherish my great grandfathers hunting bag and the tomihauke he gave to my grandfather and he gave down to me. That is almost all that remains from my fathers. My grandfather gave me a shotgun for my telve years, my father was very unhappy. My father died the next year and so I was sent to live with my grandparents. There was too much in the home for my mother and I was oldest so I was chosen to go. I did not need my mother anymore like my brothers and sisters. I made money making furs and gave it to my oldest sister for the rest of them so my mother would not spend it on drink. I hate drink! I have many small things too that are large in my heart. My father decided to move us one day and he worked in the lumber mill. He was not at peace there. He did not fit in the place and he sometimes wept when he drank and it was late and we were to be sleeping. It made me ashamed that he did this thing. Still I loved him and I know then that he gave up his right place to give me a place that he thought was better. Now I feel that I am like him. I have somehow slipped from my path and am out of my time. I can't remember how I let this happen or if it just happened to me. I know now that my father mourned a great loss. I am between two places now and have lost nothing. But I feel that I myself am lost and so I wait to be found. This all makes probably no sense. I write to empty my heart because some one will see the words and I will not be alone . It is a bad thing to be lost alone, not so bad to be lost with others even if they cannot tell me how to find my way. I will not speak of these things to my wife, I am not so weak and she may see me with those eyes, also if she finds me lost she may also think she is lost when she is not, for now she is happy. Does this make sense? Again I have made rabbit trails and will go back to the start. About shame. I feel less shameful now that I have written. That is a good thing. I may feel bad again later. The journal is like companion to me, though it is silent as sometimes a good companion will be. I will ask my eldest daughter to show me how best to write and then no one will judge me in that. My son will not read these words again. I do not think any of my children will. It is too hard for them. I will also be very careful in reading what others say. That way I will write as they do and be as one of them.

john

Forgive me if I'm intruding in your private musings, but I feel I *have to say something here: one of the reasons I popped in to your space to say "hallo" was by the sheer force and joy of reading your prose (words). I imagine you write as you speak and it's very rare that I can so clearly "hear" another's voice in the written word.

To me, it's like reading poetry - I can envisage the small grandchild you go wood walking with, I can see the trees, and the landscape, I can even feel the temperature of the weather. I can relate to the creaky ritual of getting up and easing the arthritic joints into mobility before getting washed and dressed.

I can't "see" the tracks merely because I don't know what fox prints or dormouse prints look like, but I can imagine.

When you spoke about watching the otters playing, that I *could see, because I've had the joy of witnessing otters at play myself, when I lived in Southen Ireland, and I often think that if I was offered the chance to relive a few hours, it would be watching the otters tumble again that I'd choose to see.

Don't be discouraged by one young man's opinion - maybe he *is blessed with an academic mind, and has qualifications, but it's only books and study into one subject.... and he's young, and the young are thoughtless and sometimes a bit shallow because they haven't lived enough Life to gain experience and wisdom, and they're daft enough still to worry "what" people think. He'll finally learn it really doesn't matter one jot what other people's opinions are because they are just that - opinions, and opinions often change like the weather.

I got told off by my sons a few years ago because they found it embarrassing that I was friendly towards the friends they brought home, and they were afraid their friends would think I was foolish enough to be fooled and taken for granted (or "as a mug", as their slang term was) by people. 5 years on they are pretty glad that their mum treats every visitor as a prospective friend and continues to treat them so until or unless they prove otherwise; they're no longer embarrassed that I enjoy chatting to their friends and asking about their doings.

I think they're actually quite proud of the fact that we have a friendly home where most people feel comfortable and safe in, now.



You know so much!

I wouldn't have a clue how to make quivers or arrows; I don't know what bird points are, or what they're made of. I wouldn't be able to go into a woods and live off the land and stay safe because they're skills I've not had to learn. I haven't successfully been able to cure skins to make anything other than a really poorly cured and very smelly goat skin rug, let alone intricate pouches and bags; I know a little about beading so I could probably do decorative work, but would I know how to make the beads? No!

But I bet you would.

Everyone's got talents, and everyone has their own unique way of expressing themselves. I happen to enjoy the way you express yourself.

So please keep writing and don't change the way you write unless you *want to. Perhaps, when you feel more comfortable "here" on site, you could be persuaded to write a Guide Entry about the things you know; as a community we don't know anything very much about the old skills that are dying out; I know I'd like to know, so I expect others would do, as well.

Evadne Cake,You do not intrude. Thankyou that you can hear me.You look to me as a wise woman, one that would be respected and welcome by my kin. You are seeming to have a generouse table and it is good for your sons that you have taught them to "have a warm lodge".
Youth have yet to have a heart full of good things. Even though they have small hearts they do not fill them with good but only the things they find. Sometimes other ones place things in their heart. It is like a pack or a gathering bag. As we walk we gather things to take with us home again.Only good things will go in we hope because it is a heavy burden to walk with. We must be careful what we pick up. Almost all young people most always young men are children in this for a long time, they cannot tell what is good and what is evil to put in the pack.Then when they return they bring out good things and evil things both and must be taught wich is the good. Even then they do not always learn until the burden is heavy then they open their ears to instruction. Then they must empty the burden and sort it. This way there is room for more things useful to the people and to them. That is the way of gathering. Too bad so many come to becoming old before being wise. Then maybe not so much that is evil is carried about the village. Too bad for us because then once learning to be wise when we gather, we are aware that we are fools and must walk long, to place to place and collect all the evil things from those that we gave to so they do not remain ill. This is a double burden to take those things to the burning pit. Very heavy. Still sometimes it is too late. "An arrow will not be called home even when it hears it's name".
We all have things that are given for us to do and the tools are given when we say yes to that work. You are a smart person and can learn I am sure. To live with the land is not a thing we are able to do anymore. One time this was possible. Now maybe three maybe four weeks if it is not Winter then maybe one or two weeks, then sickness. Even in the time of my fathers one man can not live alone always. This is why to be shunned by your people was a the blackest thing. It made a great wound in the heart and then death. Many times, I was told, the ones shunned had not a heart to become low and so came to that place. No one is able to live without his people unless the creator orders his every step and lifts him. I have heard of old times when sometimes a man or woman or even a child was lifted from dangers this way. All the people helped each other. If one was hungry all had the long face. If one was full all had tight bellies. It was considered a great evil to smile well when your "neighbors lodge was filled with mourning". That is how the worlds were ordered and it was good. I am thinking even your people Evadne once lived in this way. Maybe far far away in a time that is now dark to you. I am thinking that one day all men lived so. Maybe one day they will again.
I can tell you to make fur keep and not stay green. It is much of a labor but it is much pleasure Evadne when it is done, like all labor, (I joke), I am not really a lazy man.
I am remaining at BBC. I was weighing this and will stay for this time. My son gave this machine to me to make me more modern, it is a gift and now it is mine to do as I wish to do. I said, I am no longer living for my son and no longer living for my other children. My children do not yet live for me. So I, being a man full of years, I will stay where I wish to stay and walk where I wish to walk so long as I am not leaning on the arm of my son. Only then I go where he wills and then not too long! Even then I still will have a voice to be heard.
I think you have been kind to me. Thankyou.

You're probably right - at some point in England's history, I guess my ancestor's *did live in small communities and kept a look out for each other and everyone knew everyone else - unfortunately we also had organised religion which stunted our growth in some ways - it made us superstitious and less able to follow our instincts because to question was considered a terrible thing to do, and to be proud of ourselves was possibly seen as a threat to the rulers of the country (In theory the Kings, but indirectly the Church)- and to other members of the community.

But that's a very sweeping statement, and not written in stone; just my opinion. I don't equate "Religion" with "Spiritualty" in any way, and if a man chooses to follow an established religion through his own free choice then I'll respect his beliefs even though I may not agree with them.

I know when I lived in Eire, I tried really hard to be as self sufficient as I could be. I moved there with my sons' father before we had the children, and it was his dream to have a small cottage and some land to grow our own food and have a few animals. I was all for it, and used to spend a lot of time on the half acre we had, digging and tending and sewing seeds, but whilst I lived the idea, the boys' da didn't - he was too busy drinking and talking about what he was going to do rather than doing it!

You certainly *do need more than one to be able to live like that - I could work the land but I didn't have enough time to keep the fire in the range AND prep the food AND preserve the extra stuff I'd grown AND keep the place in good repair AND dig the turf for next winter... and so on. A project like that needs teamwork, and like minded people to help each other to get the best for everyone.

....and people wonder why I have a painful spine now! I think I wore it out by the time I was about 35 with all the lifting and hard work I did.

But I had 2 fine children with him, both taller than me now, and hard workers (outside of the house; indoors, they're typical lazy young men) who are putting themselves thru college and working long hours to pay for themselves, so I really don't regret it. On the whole, they're fine lads. I'm very proud of them both. I shall be sad in one way when the youngest one achieves his ambition of going to live in New York, and the other to Perth in Austrailla, but that's what they are aiming for, and I won't stop them.

And I'm sure I'll be invited to visit them for holidays; and with the Internet, we'd not lose touch. We'd be just a click of the mouse away.

I can see that you're settling into H2 comfortably - see? I said people were friendly here. And I see others, like me, enjoy your rabbit trails. Whats nice about this site is that no one judges and everyone, it seems to me, likes to learn. We've so many nationalities, and different types of people, from the young to the very elderly (I think I'm right in saying we have one old lady of over 90 here; that's pretty elderly) and everyone mixes in nicely. It's a good place to be in, I think.

I doubt I'll be about for the next few days; I have visitors coming to stay with me over the Easter holiday - that's why I haven't been in much this last week, as well; I've been slowly getting my home reorganised and clean and tidy to welcome them when they arrive. And what used to take me about a day once, now takes me several days, which is very frustrating in one way, but very satisfying in another; - slow I may be, but as long as I rest between chores I can *still manage most of it.

The real achievement will be to get my sons to lift what I can't lift up on the high shelves *tidilly*.....

Dear Freind Evadne,
It is too bad that your husband was not willing to take up his place and do what was needed. Drink is as poison to so many. Most of my people are unable to take it and I do not know why. It brought us ruin. All Winter they would trap and work like slaves then in spring it was spent on a few needed things and then drink. There were often murders but they were excused by the people and by the kin of the dead for the killer was not in his mind. I wonder if it is in our nature to not use drink wisely, as to relax or to ease pain or to ease the heart. Perhaps it is because as many have said because of a hopelesness and greif for the loss of opur places. I think not though for it was so even when the people had full charge of their lands.
Your sons are a source of pride to you. That is good. It is too bad that they will go so far away. Some of my children too. It leaves an empty place. Even just to know that I canno walk to their home is troubling even if I do not want to go just that I cannot is painful. It sounds to me that you are a very hard working person and I hope that you have reward for that as you deserve. All work is good. It makes us human. I am glad to have received your writing and will look to see it again. I hope you have a good Easter holy day.
J>R>

They have a saying in Eire... drink is a good friend, but a bad master, and it just about sums things up nicely.

I've heard it said that those with a *chemical intolerance to alcohol (when one drink is never enough and two is too many) are, deep inside, very sensitive, and usually highly intelligent people - possibly too intelligent, because they can perceive so many injustices and it hurts them deeply, and thus they drink to numb their pain. I think your people are a lot more compassionate in their way of thinking in excusing their behaviour and realising that sometimes when a man (or woman) drinks it does drive him out of his mind.

Generally speaking, Alcoholics are rather despised as being weak "here" in England. (Eire is a lot kinder, about it, but then, there are more alcoholics per head of population. Perhaps they, too have a form of chemical imbalance when it comes to drink? I don't know.)

Certainly there is very little support or rehabilitiation for them - or their famillies. There's very little care for *any form of addict, within our community. There are different types of alcoholic, I discovered - some, as you say, find that drink *is a poisen to them, but sometimes it's just a habit that gets out of control and the drinker is too greedy and selfish to want to stop.

I think a lot of people in Britain drink too much because life is so pressured and full of chasing money and there's no time to enjoy their famillies or friends and drink is a way of letting off steam.

In truth I think our society is sick to its soul and we've lost sight of who we are - if we ever knew at all. Britain *is a bit of a bully with rather puffed up ideas about it's global importance

I used to think that of the boys' father to start with; I rather hoped with help, patience and support he'd learn to accept that there are some things a person may not like, but just has to accept because they just arn't going to change. But when the boys arrived even that joy couldn't compensate him and he just kept on drinking, eventually even got violent toward them, as well as me, so I left with them; I didn't want them to grow up believing that a real man bullies those weaker than himself and has no respect for himself or others.

I often used to worry that I couldn't teach them to be "Men" - but then I realised I could at least show them how to be good Humans, and I've always been lucky that I've got men friends as well as women friends, who were willing to have a Man Talk with my two every so often when there were things I didn't know the answer.

Its all worked out quite nicely, on the whole I never got much reward in the way of material things, but I'm rich with life and memories and friends and consider myself wealthy beyond measure most of the time.

Apart from when the Back really hurts, of course! I grumble a bit then.

I'm quite pleased with myself - the food shopping is done, the house is hoovered and the kitchen floor cleaned; tomorrow's supper is on the go for when my guests arrive, and I've only a few more bits to do before I can get myself ready to relax and enjoy the Easter break.

Ironically, we're going to a Real Ale Festival on Friday; it's an opportunity to try different types of Real Ale made by independent breweries from thru out the country. I went a couple of years ago with some people here, from H2 and it was great fun. If you click on the link below you can see what it's all about

http://www.easterbeerfestival.org.uk/

We'll probably get a bit tipsy, but there's no harm in that, and the atmosphere is really nice, the music's good and the company will be fine.

I'm really looking forward to it.

Have a good Easter johnredbear. May I ask which part of the US you are in? From your description of the cold winter you had I'd make a guess that you could be near the Great Lakes, up near Canada. Am I right?