h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

.·°º¤ A good alternative to using a briefcase in #3 is to use CD's with a home made CD label that has TOP SECRET - Operation Nordic Flan stenciled on it. You can use those useless free CD's you get in the mail for AOL, free Email service, etc... ¤º°·.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.

gotta try these....

Expecially the one with relabeling a junk CD like you get from AOL. That can be effective on just about anyone who comes knocking at your door, including salesmen and Jehovah's Witnesses. Hee, hee, hee!
~§~
§hadow
http://www.h2g2.com/u133044

another way to deal with Jehovah's Witnesses is, when you see them coming, go outsite and very conspicuously sit making little clay dolls(voodoo dolls). when they come to your house, ask them to hold still so you can see them better.(whoa!, you've got a big nose, i'm gonna need more clay!) then go back to your work. they will never come to your house again.

or you can try to convert them to a religion that you are just making up as you go along. act like a cult leader. however, this may just make them think you are a lost soul and picket in your front yard. if they do this, then see previous paragraph for what to do.

Or when dealing with Jehova's witnesses at your door, you can always pull the insanely rampant paranoia routine. Items needed:
1) Enema bulb filled with warm tap water.
2) A light colored pair of loose fitting pants (I recommend tan).
3) A good flair for the dramatic.

Keep one hand in your pants pocket as you open the door and hold onto the enema bulb hidden in that pocket. It's important to look casual and as if you hadn't a concern in the world. When you open the door, look at them for a moment, let your eyes go as wide as they can, then scream in horror and while standing in place and shaking uncontrollably, slowly squeeze the bulb. This will give the appearance of having just wet your pants as the water slowly trickles down. Incoherent gibbering may help add to the overall effect. After you slam the door and continue to run in circles screaming, very few people are willing to stick around for long, much less knock a second time.
~§~
§hadow
http://www.h2g2.com/u133044

I know of a village in Scotland that had a very effective method. Missionaries travel in vans, often with church names on them. Anyone spotting one of these vans would phone some friends, who would phone some more friends until the entire village knew. Then nobody answered the door for an hour or so.

Paul.