h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I saw my very first crush today. Okay, maybe not my first, but the first that really made an impression.

What's scary is, not only have I not seen this boy (man) for about 12 years, since the day he left our school for another, but he's been married for 7 years, has two sons and is about to qualify as a Minister.

And despite this, my silly, juvenile heart - knowing he was going to be in the practice, having seen his name in the diary - did flutter a little bit when he came in the door.

Isn't that sad? I just remember this guy as being lovely and sweet and kind and he was a good friend, who made me feel like a nice person, like I was worth something. We were never more than friends, and we'll probably never see each other again, but he was still the first guy I ever felt that way about.

I hope, one day, I meet someone like him again, someone who makes me feel like that and who, hopefully, I can make feel that way too.

I'm an old romantic at heart.

Oh, that's lovely.

I remember my 'first' (lovely romantic memories although there wasn't anything romantic between us, just a whirlwind 'friendship'). Happy memories though, of an all too brief time in my life.

I still remember my first crush. We kissed in a classroom at school in front of everyone! We were inseparable for a couple of years until she moved. Even at the distance of more years than I'd care to remember I would still love to see her again. Hold on to those feelings, even if they don't lead anywhere as they are the most positive feelings imaginable.

Yesterday it was the fact that he remembered me. The minute he walked in the door, he knew who I was and got this great big smile on his face and asked me how I was etc. There are people I knew at school for years before and indeed years after the time I knew him and they don't recognise me.

I think the main thing is, yeah, I had a crush, but I missed the friendship. I still do a bit. And I don't think me missing him as a friend and having good memories will ever go away.

I really do hope that I find someone who makes me feel like that again because while this brief walk down memory lane has kind of hurt, (in that the realisation that almost everyone I know is getting married and having kids [or opening shops] has been becoming more and more obvious recently and I am perpetually single and stuck in a rut) but it was nice remembering how nice his friendship made me feel.

I want to be happy. I want to do things that make me happy and I want to make someone else happy

I think you should avoid comparisons. As the song Sunscreen says 'Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself.' The fact that he remembered you means that YOU made a great impression on HIM. Yes, he's got his career sorted at least at the moment, but he is still the same person you knew back then. I'm sure if you had a chat to him he'd envy you your artistic talent. We all have our plusses and minuses and for people like us it's the latter we concentrate on. That's pretty much natural and difficult to overcome, but I can't see how his reaction to you can be anything but a positive.

Take care.

You realise you quoted the very song I use to try and keep myself from getting to green eyed and miserable (I love that song.)

And I can't imagine he'd be too envious of a girl who has never had a boyfriend, works part time for her parents, lives at home because she can't afford anywhere else and while she has a 1st and a Masters, can't seem to design anything or decide what to do with her life

Anyway, I'm really happy for him, I don't want my friends being miserable or lonely or unemployed, I want the best for them...I just wish something good would happen for me once in a while. I'm probably going to be seeing my uni friends at Christmas and it would be nice if I could tell them something positive is happening in my life. There's always a faint air of "auw, poor Emmie" when I tell people I'm working for my dad

Okay, gonna go off & listen to sunscreen while I do the work I had to bring him, try and bring things back into prospective.

We all need a bit of Sunscreen from time to time! I only got into teaching English as a Foreign Language when I was 30 so job wise it never happened for me before then. Don't rush yourself. Creatively speaking the more pressure you put on yourself and the more you beat up on yourself the greater the chance of getting a block. I'm going through it now with writing. I've published two Kindle novels and they've sold a couple of dozen copies each. I'm so riddled with self doubt I now can't put pen to paper. I know I've got to ease off on myself, but that is admittedly very hard to do.
'Don't congratulate yourself, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everyone else s.'
Surely if someone you've never met in RL can think a lot of you, you must be doing something right!

Take care