h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Regular readers of my journal and the NFG thread are probably familiar with the reasonably hapless state of my love life. To sum things up fairly neatly, I've spent most of my life since my late teens in long-term relationships, and it hit me a lot harder that I thought it would when I split up with my ex in October 2003.

Don't get me wrong here, I consider myself pretty lucky to have met three reasonably amazing women who seemed to fall for me without my having had to do much in the way of chasing - in all three cases, it just kind of happened. But it does mean that I spent most of my twenties learning skills useful for being someone's boyfriend or partner, rather than useful being a single man out to meet girls.

Thing is, even though I'm finally doing OK about getting over my ex (although getting hit on the head before Christmas brought a few feelings back that were hard to deal with) I probably don't want to get into another serious relationship for now. I was quite enjoying just living my own life until I got the memory problems and got depressed - during January and February I was really quite wanting to be with someone to look after me and make me feel better. But that's no basis for starting to get together with someone, is it now?

What am I saying? I'm saying I've always been comfortable around women, I've always had female friends, but I'm only learning just now about going out and playing the singles game.

And it seems it's been a long, slow journey up the learning curve. Wish I'd learned this kind of thing while I was still a teenager. There *have* been other things going on every now and then with friends of friends and so on, but I've just been looking back at my journals and feeling like a right muppet. The first time I might have had any sort of success in terms of going out and meeting strangers was well over a year ago, and I didn't even ask for a phone number (F106404?thread=349189). The second time, you might remember, I got a number but there were a few complications (F106404?thread=428252) and nothing happened. And then there's this week.

Met a lovely girl at a University reunion thing last Tuesday - first she crashed a fag off me in passing and I thought nothing of it, then she came over and asked for another one and we got talking. And I was just talking really, just being interested and listening and being responsive and all. And then she went off for a quick word with someone else, and the (female) friend that had been standing next to me nudged me and said "you've pulled there."

I hadn't even realised, to be honest. She seemed a fair bit younger and prettier than me so I'd just been chatting and not thought about it in those terms. But then I realised I'd better do something about it, and went and found her and asked if she fancied meeting up for a drink some time. And - I kid you not - her face lit up. So I handed her my phone and she typed her number in enthusiastically, and I gave her a couple more fags and a quick (but very nice) kiss goodbye - it was closing time, and my mate wanted to rush off by then. But it all looked very promising.

And since then - nothing. I left it a couple of days before calling her, on the advice of my housemates, and rang her Thursday lunchtime. Got no answer, and didn't leave a message. That was probably a mistake... one of my housemates is pretty firm that you should get it all over in one call. But, dammit, I'm not used to mobile phones in this sort of thing - last time I was doing anything of this kind, nobody had them! Which meant girls couldn't tell how many times you'd tried to ring them and you could be as useless and indecisive as you liked without looking over-keen, and keep trying until you managed to get through.

Rang back a couple of hours later, no answer again so this time left a message - but probably bungled that too, because in the message I said I'd try again later, rather than just asking her to ring me back. Tried again on Friday evening, and it went straight to answerphone - so either her battery was dead or she was on her way somewhere on the tube. Left another message and left it at that.

So I've been hanging on the telephone all weekend. Fruitlessly. To be honest, I've almost given up hope of her ringing back by now.

I've realised two things. One, I need to get the hang of this ringing girls on mobiles lark. Two, and more importantly, having finally progressed to the stage of remembering to ask for a phone number, I shouldn't be seeing that as an end in itself and assuming it'll all be plain sailing from there on. I should definitely have let my mate bugger off and stayed in the pub with her and talked some more rather than vanishing as soon as I'd got her number. But it *was* nearly closing time.

"She seemed a fair bit younger and prettier than me"

At a University reunion? Get a grip, Savage.

I never got the hang of ringing girls; I tend to do something unorthodox like email them and drive 250 miles to meet them in a cinema car park, or turn up on their doorsteps unannounced with a good DVD and a bottle of wine.

B

Well, it was for recent graduates: 1998-2003. I'd probably graduated before she was even a first year...

She might have gone visiting for Easter and left either her phone or her charger at home.

Jules (hopeful for you )

Thanks Jules - that's what I was hoping, although the later it gets, the less confident I get about the whole thing... but it's nice to have the same theory suggested independently by someone else!

I've not been too lucky with this sort of thing of late. This is something that happened to me the other week that might raise a smile, that I originally posted to the NFG thread:

I was out for a drink after work with a mate of mine last November, and met a few of his workmates in the process. Including a rather attractive and sparky girl that I was getting on rather well with, and we were flashing our eyes at each other a bit, as you do, and I thought "Hello!". After we left the pub I said "She's nice, isn't she?" to my mate and he - who happens to be gay, and usually has very accurate gaydar - said yes, but she's a lesbian.

So I thought no more of it. Bumped into her again a week last Saturday, at a party in a bar with my mate for another of his work friends. And she was very complimentary about my dancing, and we were chatting away for a bit and getting on very well again, and I thought to myself "Such a shame she's a lesbian".

Said as much to my friend at the bus stop afterwards. At which point he saw fit to mention that he was wrong, he'd got hold of the wrong end of the stick and she wasn't a lesbian at all. Aaarrgghhh!

If I'd known, of course, I'd have been much more responsive in the bar and asked for her phone number and asked her out. But I didn't, so I didn't. And my friend doesn't know her that well (obviously!) and she doesn't work at the same place any more. So he couldn't get me a phone number, only a home email address. So I ended up having to ask her out by email, which wasn't exactly ideal.

Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?

Yep, !

However, as you wouldn't have been overly 'trying' on the second occasion you met her, I think she'll have got a much better impression of you than could otherwise have happened.

If that one still didn't work out, well I guess she was the type who liked men who 'try' , as t'were (poseurs/idiots IMHO)

Jules (furiously digging out of this hole...)

Ach, phones...

I'm horrible with phone calls. Absolutely dreadful. That's partially why the guy I was seeing last summer broke up with me (well, that and the fact things weren't working very well in general ).
I'm thinking if I was the girl in that story, the way my mind would work would be something like that:
'I think maybe I should call him back'
'But he said he'll try again, maybe he will'
'But he called a few times already'
'So maybe he'll call again'
'Or maybe it means I should call him'
'Maybe I really should call him'
'But...'
(and so on)
And eventually I'd just procrastinate it until it's too late.
Maybe that's just me though.

Still nothing. I might try ringing again, maybe tomorrow. I mean, I've got nothing to lose.

What I'm wondering is why she said yes and gave me her number if she was going to carry on like this? I mean, I've got the point by now that - unless she has been away somewhere - she's probably not interested. But if that's the case, it almost makes me want to make sure I get to talk to her so she can tell me herself that she's changed her mind.

I mean, not even a text to say 'sorry, I'm not interested'?

Tried phone number again tonight. Was someone else. Bitch.

Indeed!

And all that waiting



Jules

if you see her again, go up to her really friendly like and say, "gee, i'm sorry i didn't call, i was in LA (or anyplace more alluring according to taste) and i forgot the adapter for my charger, and the phone i bought there wouldn't accept my blighty simcard..." and buy her a drink... and patati and patata... and then stitch her up good. how? i'm thinking, i'm thinking...

Ah, but it's London... chances of me ever seeing her again are slim to say the least. And, being charitable, quite a few drinks had been drunk when she gave me her number - it *might* have been a genuine mistake.

Thing is, the kind of girls that flirt with blokes and generally give them the runaround don't normally come near me...

"and buy her a drink... and patati and patata"

But what are the odds of meeting her in a Spanish restaurant?

B

slip of the kb... patatipatata is french for blablabla.

"patatipatata", well you learn something new everyday

Six, there is a good chance she put the number in wrong. There isn't an awful lot of leeway with spare numbers in the UK. If you transpose two numbers you're very likely to get somebody elses number nowadays.

That said, you're probably right. You'll never just bump into her again. Unless of course it's on the Northern Line, and if that happens you won't be allowed to speak to her because no one is allowed to speak on the tube

Well, it's probably too late to be making 45 phone calls again...

Not unless you KNOW this was the one and only

I think the seemingly old adage of not to actively look for lurve holds true. In my experience people tend to find you (especially if you have a plentiful supply of biscuits, in my case) but I know, easy to tell others what to do when you're not in their shoes.

You'll probably find her pushing buttons in the studio when you're a top sports broadcaster

Jules

"You'll probably find her pushing buttons in the studio when you're a top sports broadcaster"

[Avril Lavigne]
Five years from now, she sits at home
Feeding the babies, she's all alone
She turns on t.v. and guess who she sees
Number Six rocking on MoTD
She calls up her friends, they already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show
She tags along, stands in the crowd
Looks up at the man that she turned down
"So, Sir Alex, another disappointing performance?"
[/Avril Lavigne]