h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A couple of hours ago (at about midnight), one of my housemates was getting ready for bed, and called me over:
"This plumbing's doing the most random things. Look, the taps in the bath are running even though they're turned off!"
" How bizzarre!"
[ominous dripping noise to my left]
"OK. Now the bathroom wall is actually leaking..."
"Ah."
"What should we do?"
"Erm... PANIC!?"

At this moment, the two of my housemates who were in bed watching Star Wars come out to see what the noise was about, while the other two arrive with uncanny timing at the front door.

The bathroom, meanwhile, is now leaking right across the ceiling.

One of my housemates disappears into the loft.
Buckets are fetched to put under the fastest running bits of ceiling.
Much confusion abounds.
Shouts go up to turn off the main stopcock in the kitchen.
The tank is located, and found to be overflowing a jammed valve.
Someone thinks to turn the kitchen taps on to drain the water out of the system.
The drips begin to slow down.
Coincidentally, the bulb blows in one the bedrooms.

Now, as luck would have it, our landlord lives next door, so the one housemate who is actually organised (the one you'd least expect to fill that role) comes down from the loft and, discovering that no-one else yet has, goes round there to wake him up.
The rest of us stand around being confused, and slightly panicked.
The cold tap in the kitchen is claimed to be running hot.
Things start to calm down.
The bedroom bulb is replaced.

The landlord arrives, asks various questions to which we don't know the answers.
One of my housemates gives him a long-awaited rent cheque.
Another reveals that it's too late for the bike-locking apparatus he promised months ago: the moped's been stolen.
He promises to send some plumbers round tomorrow. (The mention of his brother in this sentence does not breed hope of a professional job)
We send him off with a kettle so that we can have at least some water for the night.

It gradually dawns on us what having the water cut off actually means: no coffee, no flushing the toilet, and so on.
We sit around being vaguely hysterical.

The organised one goes back into the loft to see if the tank has drained, followed by the two who've just come in, who have trouble getting up (we have no ladder).
Lots of dangling legs.
More hysteria.

The three come down from the loft, hesitantly (as I say, we have no ladder; one of my housemates is well over six feet tall, and not particularly slim).
It is pointed out that they've discovered a wasps nest in the loft.
Interestingly, the nearby hole leads to the airing cupboard.
This is in the corner of my room.

Things begin to calm down, and there are mentions both of this being our first "student house crisis" and a bit of an anti-climax.
We count ourselves lucky both that the ceilings and electrics survived, and that we were in fact around to spot it and stop it.
People start heading towards bed in vague ways.

Crisis over.
Hopefully...




In the middle of my writing this, it is discovered that with a brilliant piece of timing, the fidge has ceased to operate.
Anything vital is transferred to the small bedroom fridge in my housemate's room.
Meat that was bought frozen will probably have to be thrown away.
We go to bed quickly, before anything else goes wrong...!

Awww hell!!! You having fun without me?!?

Wow - I don't think I've ever had all those things go wrong at once in my house, although we've had all and more at one time or another.

Best plug the hole into the cupboard, *then* call out the exterminators!!! Otherwise you end up with a room full of poison smoke.

Sorry to hear that everything's gone a bit mad. Hope it all clears up soon.



LK