h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Boy, I really screwed the pooch sideways this time. Let me tell you about love. Love is a drug. It makes you feel wonderful. Love makes you unbeatable. Above all, love destroys brain cells faster than Jack Daniels! You know when you're in love, how every person looks like the one you love? Well, don't start visiting adult sites on the Internet when you are in love. Pornography: the killer of relationships. Almighty Porn, I have underestimated your power! I will never again cross you behemoth footsteps again!

Yup, the little blonde on the last link sure looked like the woman I loved. There is another lesson to be learned here. When you think it is your love on that nude erotic body, for God's sake, don't save the picture and send it to her email! I mean, you love her; trust that it is not her in that picture! I don't care how much it looks like her and you swear up and down it is. Trust that it isn't her! I am telling you, it saves a lot of lengthy email replies of how much a sick and perverted a**hole you are.

Oh, you think you can get out of this by apologizing and shift the blame a little? Fat chance pal. The final lesson to be learned here is never say, "But I was hurt when I thought that was you. I had to ask!"

What you're asking for is a grade A a** beating! I have never see or heard a young, sweet, innocent woman tear me a new one so fast. Yeah, blame it on them. Might as well save you the time and wear all black and lay in the middle of the highway at 6:30am.

The best thing to do if you love someone, is love that one the right way. Either that or the lesson could be, When in love, don't look in the areas of pain. Nah...I think the appropiate lesson would be, Pick a girl/boyfriend to love who is a porno star. Just to be safe.