h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is hard when there is some emmotion you want to express yet knowing that doing so is breaking a promise you made to hold off.

But I'll have to do so, no matter how tempting the top of the Scott monument looked yesterday.

As a result of this I've taking to writing stuff down and putting it into an envelope. The frustration is that the more I wait to be able to hear things the more my mind is ticking over and the more questions I need an answer to.

I'm burning up my brain is on overdrive, I'm having problems getting to sleep as the little grey cells are so hyperactive. The thing is that when I do finally get asleep I have some wierd dreams and the one that repeated last night really disturbed me but I can't explain why. There was something about it, plus the fact I awoke in a cold sweat each time unable to move didn't help. I think I'd just have to write the contents down as well and add them to the list.

I used to write things down on paper, writing so small that I couldn't read what I had written, and then burn it all. Sort of cleansing.

I hope your writings are as cleansing as mine were. *hug*

I hope so. I'm getting to see a lot of crossroads where I took the wrong path or maybe could have smoothed out the path I did take. I also have seen a number of paths not taken that I should have taken.

I suppose hindsight is a wonderful thing but maybe some of these realisations might put me in a different position today than that in which I find myself. However, no matter what I know it will make me stronger for the future.

Looking back nearly killed me once. Nasty things, memories.
I can pinpoint a lot of my 'what ifs' down to one decision (no, not the one you might think). I hear a lot of people say 'oh, but it's made me who I am'. Well, yes. But how does that help exactly? Especially as in my case I was a far cry from the person I wanted to be. The decisions I had taken had helped to mangle who I was and change me. Not for the better either.
In the last few years I've started to figure out what it was I'd lost. Some of it is irreplaceable. Some of it isn't. Some I can do without, some was not a real goal anyway. I'm getting there, piecing myself back together. It's just taken more time than I would have liked.

Oh- and I do agree on the not getting laid part. Some things... well. I understand, anyway.

See you around for afternoon tea, DD. Whichever time zone.

x

Thanks VIP.

I do know that some of what I have lost is irreplacable and it can never be put back the way it once was. But a lot of what I have lost is intrinsic to who I am and the lose of it was most likely to do with situational conditions. I know that whatever I eventually find will obviously be different, and hopefully stronger, because of the troughs I have travelled through.

Like you I'm getting there. I had a good chat with FC yesterday and I think she and me know understand a little bit more where each of us is and where we are heading.

I'm just hoping we don't have afternoon tea at the long dark teatime of he soul.