GREETINGS, WAYFARER! WELCOME TO THE OPENING PAGE OF THIS PART OF THE GUIDE!
(Let's see what the book says. Hmmm. "
". A friendly welcome is always a good place to start.) Hi! (Gee...I hope that is friendly enough) Vulcaniya Sthardusti here, and, whomever (or whatever) you are, are there. It's all relative, you see. Kind of like saying, "what's up". "Up" is a direction relative to your current center of gravity. By they way, have *you* seen *your* center of gravity lately? Hmmmm? I can assure you, it isn't here. A center of levity, yes! But, no gravity. I digress....
Here I am, wandering around the "mostly harmless" spheroidical planet you folks call "Earth". Wow. Great name 
. Real creativity. Could have named it something great, like, "Third In A Row", or, "That Great Big Green And Blue Thingie Wingie". But, someone thought it clever to go with, "Earth".
It seems that I am here in time to celebrate this planet's Millienium Birthday. Oh, joy! People going absolutely bonkers over a world hitting another thousand years. Eventually the reality will sink in that it's just another year. The earth, in and of itself, is perfectly happy and rotating on it's axis quite merry and fine. It doesn't really give a bugger what the little skimpering life forms on her skin are up too. Just as long as they learn to take better care of her ecosystems and lifeforms, then, everything would be fine.
OH, I AM sorry. Hi there, nice to meet you. Welcome to my page. Waiter! A set of Gargleblasters all around!
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Vully
Researcher U98580
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"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."