h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

God has returned! *clubs himself over the head until he accepts the slightly false true words* Thanks for the appoinment, you shall not be dissapointed! I hope! *clubs himself once more*

Um, God? Just out of curiosity, does this faith have a name? Or should I just go around clubbing people? Is this one of those "Don't ask, just do" situations?

Yes, I've been wondering that too. It's kind of annoying not to be able to tell people which religion I'm the Devilish Fiend of.

As for the project, I seem to have made some small amount of progress; today I smited (smote?) someone for silliness.

Yes, and the first person (other than myself) that I clubed into our cult asked me the same thing. Lupa, were you in the "Caution" forum steming from the article on "They"? It could be very informative with your project...

The one about THEM, US, and all that? Yes, but I found myself quite befuddled. And if that's not it, then not only was I not involved in it, but the search engine isn't turning it up either.

Well you see, the name is one of those closely guarded secret types of things. Those who know do not speak it, those who don't must discover it for themselves in order to prove their faith. If you really need a catch phrase to impress all of your friends (always handy to have) then tell them that you belong to that wonderously fantabulously neat religion based upon a complete absence of sanity and coherent thought. This religion is so subliminally all-permeating that most people belong to it already, without even knowing it. I hope that helps clarify the situation. Wonderful job of clubbing, I must say Mr Washington.

Thank you, God! I'm at your service, of course.

Lupa, yes, that was the forum I was talking about, and yes, it is very confusing.

The clubbing (in my case) was ineffectual due to my omniscience (can’t believe that I’ve used that 4 times already, so cool). I have begun correcting grammar, spelling, and punctuation, of various miscreants throughout the realm. This has reduced the amount of silliness in the world by precisely 38%. I can do better; I shall make WI’s life miserable (like his life needs help in that direction). He’s so helpless in this regard, having dropped out of school so early. Wasn’t that nearly perfect in its wickedness? He hits like a girl by the way (no offense to God (just in case) thunderbolts hurt like bloody hell), why do you give him credit when no one has been even slightly injured by his smites???
Check out His Honor Sir Charles Bickford of Chelsea, I smote him (note that WI doesn’t even know the past tense of smite) On Nov 19th; I turned him into a newt for being pompous, overbearing, and supercilious. (Actually, he wasn’t supercilious, I just wanted to use supercilious again). He is STILL a friggin newt! WI has not had this kind of affect on anyone. That little Styrofoam bat he uses to smite doesn’t make it. It’s clear you favor your little goodie two-shoes. So be it, but I shall devote myself to wickedness (in all its aspects). Watch your uh… posterior, I can be a formidable foe. Remember you set me on this course. (hears thunderbolt machine starting up, thinks what a…. Forgets that God can see the future of thoughts, doesn’t see thunderbolt coming (again))

I was not given the power to smite! I've not attempted to smite! I leave that to the omniscient as it is a skill more befitting their position than that of the pitiful mortals such as yours truely. I can't remember ever attempting the use of the past tense of the word smite, did you want me to conjugate it for you?
I smite
You smite
He/ she smites
We smite
They smite
I'm smitting you now
I'll smite you today
I smote you yesterday
I've smitten you every day this week
Satisfied?

As for my education, I'm still in college the last time I checked. I'm only in charge of clubbing people until they've accepted the true words of God, which are, as she has said herself, slightly false. Which is why I've been clubbing myself as well. I actually got one convert with just the threat of a clubbing! Oh, and I just clubbed you for fun.

Note, my name is Irving Washington, so that would be IW, not WI

Also note: the word should be "frigging," rather than "friggin". It could be "friggin'" with that apostrophe after it, but not "friggin". Brush up on your slang, my brother.

Thanks for the correction. You are quite right about the "friggin" and I did overlook your job duties which does include clubbing rather than smiting. I was just trying to drive a wedge here. It's clear you are God's favorite (for the moment). I'm sorry for being so wicked (no I'm not). This smarmy apologia is beginning to get a bit thick, so I'll stop. There is only one t in smiting, consider yourself smitten. U

I would know how to spell if I hadn't been born in America. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I am not God's favorite, I think that it's quite clear that Lupa is. If I were God's favorite, I'd have been given the ability to smite, don't you think? I think I'm going to buy a bigger club now. I'll see you later.

I meant you are the favorite among us lowly peons. If you are getting a bigger club, I'm getting thicker armor. Could we declare a truce? It's damned stuffy in here and I can't smite while wearing armor. I also can't use supercilious or unctuous in a sentence (yes I can). You should see the look on their faces at the drive-thru when I show up. I take back all criticism of your grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Poof! It's as if they never happened. I have much wickedness to perpetrate and torturing you (while fun) is not getting my other work done.Since I'm a prophet and not a spirit, I now have to get a living in the corporeal world. I don't know how one earns a living being wicked (I must study the Clintons).

In all fairness Clinton isn't that wicked, just dirty. I'll sign the truce, but I want you to know I trust you about as far as I can carry the Empire State building.

That should be "smiting" and not "smitting," shouldn't it?

(the Devilish Fiend strikes again...)

...(although a little late, it seems. Oops.)

Yes, he already smote me.

Arrrghhhh! I need to get more smiting done.

(Stares into mirror) um yes I see what you mean, the odor is not carp however, it's grouper.

(Stares into mirror) um yes I see what you mean, the odor is not carp however, it's grouper.

Is there an echo in here? in here?