h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was supposed to be a list somewhere around here of things I shouldn't eat.

*rummages under the sofa cushions*

things krissy should not eat - REVISED
*rummaged sofa cushions
*leather clothing

Listen. I don't know when you decided I shouldn't eat leather clothing, but I'd like to know very well what doctor you GOT that from my goodness because it sounds to me just completely made up and I can't believe you'd keep me from doing it simply because of leather spite.

i spite NO SUCH THING! it's the spittle i'm wary of. isn't Absorbed, you see, and so becomes quite obvious.........i just thought it could become a little socially distressing

Ahhhh I am also wary of the spittle. That's not a bad name for a Supervillan really. Beware! "The Spittle" is on the town!

Ewwwww... well I wouldn't want to fight it. Even in the right underoos.

the good guys would have no direct line of attack
HOLY SALIVA! QUEENWOMAN!!
QUICK SIDEKICK!! THE MOUTH...DRYING...SPRAY!!!
not with lines like that...although SALT could be a very effective weapon.....and cinema popcorn when you've not got any coke...hmmmm....maybe we're not so THROUGH after all!!

God bless movie popcorn! Fire. Fire would also work if you didn't mind that he made kind of a crusty kind of stain.

Can we save the world? Or will it fall to that Evil Smack of Spittle?!?!?

Too bad there's no "Supersponge" super hero. Would take care of the bad Spittle like no one's business.

Great for cleaning counters, too.

Heh heh. Yeah!! Too bad!

*hurridly shoves Spongey super-outfit under couch cushions*

I was wondering why, when I sat on that, my head was scraping the ceiling. Hmm.

MMMMMmmmmmm tall head?

No, silly, the Supersponge costume under the cushions.

Duh.

ACK!! *be's alarmed*

Don't tell anybody! I can't let my secret identity be known!! It could endanger the entire world if my secret got out!!

Okey.

Can I just hang around and, you know, soak up some of the superness? *commences setting up a fan club*

Okay. But make it a very very secret fan club. No one can know who they are fans of.

Can they be fans of a poorly drawn ASCII stick figure?

You know, like this:

> 0 <
--&#352;--
ø | ø
_/ \_

sign me up
please

Yes. Yes they can. But do you think that will detract from when I finally reveal my super-strength and prowess? You don't think that by then they'll be so used to being a stick-figure fan that they'll reject me, do you?

Superheroes have very delicate egos.

*squidges apple tree* I think that you should be my weapons expert. I'll need to to come up with all sorts of devious evil-stopping weaponry and then go out with me while I use it and bring your SUPER SCREWDRIVER OF JUSTICE in case it breaks down.

I can't go into battle without tree.

No, see, it's like a fan club by proxy. They'll THINK that the stick figure is all whiz-bang and wowser kind of stuff, but when they see YOU in your full regalia, they'll have no choice but to virtually worship you.

And it goes without saying superheroes have delicate egos. Have you SEEN that codpiece that Batman wears? I won't even go into the kind of car he drives....

And, finally, no one should go into battle without tree.

OHhhhhhh well, that's okay then. I feel comfortable being worshipped. I'm not even going to go INTO how big my codpiece is going to be though. It'll blow that Batman guy right outta the water!

One should never go into battle without tree because;
1. She's smart
2. She can out-manouver any off-road vehicle I've ever seen
3. She understands the color purple and its uses
4. She has the ability to fling fish in a highly intimidating manner
and last but not least
5. You can hide behind her when the shooting starts and she won't tell your mom you were scared