h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got a Chrimbo card today

As I don't have your addy to send a card, I thought I'd sing you a Christmassy song.

*Rummages for tinsel bandana in bin and stick it back on head*

Ready? It might (will) sound terrible...

Ahem!



Are you hangin' all your socks up on the wall?
It's the time that holey socks can have a ball,
Do they never see the light of day?
Til it's christmas once again,
Cos' your toes protrude from inside of the-em...*Elongate the "them" there 'will' be enough syllables!*

So here it is happy chrimbo,
Everybody's eating cake,
Look to the sponge filling,
The scales are getting higher

Have you pulled all of the crackers on the *non*table?
Are you sick of the plastic puzzles inside?
Does your granny always tell ya "Put a crap hat on your head"?
Slip some vodka in her drink and have a rest

So here it is happy chrimbo,
Everybody's eating cake,
Look to the sponge filling,
The scales are getting higher

What'll your holey socks do,
When they see the new ones you've unwrapped?
Ah ah

Are you hangin' all your socks up on the wall?
Are you hoping your new ones last until next fall?
Do you slip and slide down the hillside on the ice?
When you land upon your ass then you've been slayed

So here it is happy chrimbo,
Everybody's eating cake,
Look to the sponge filling,
The scales are getting higher



*Bows*

Ho yus?

Yus!

Ah, I forgot one thing:

"It's holey soccckkkk timmmmeee!"

Tis very tuneful. Have you thought about going caroling at all. It's great fun. You find someone called Carol and you sing to her until she pays you to stop. I tried this on the Carol in the office next door and got £2 just to shut up

I work with someone called Carol. I should try it out on her

Though, she can be evil. Maybe she'd record me and play my terrible singing to everyone.



I don't think I'll go carol singing...

Know any other carols? That reminds me there's one at the city centre branch and a volunteer at Stockport

Carols or carols?

I don't know any other Carols. I know someone who I could probably pay to pretend to be called Carol. But then I wouldn't make much profit

I do know another carol though:


Well I wish it could be Chrimbo everyday,
When you start snoozing after the Queens speech and you've had some cake,
Oh I wish it could be Chrimbo everyday,
So let the socks ring out for Chrimbo...


My carols tend to be about socks and cake.

Ah but those are two of the four most important things of Chrimble. The other two being prezzies and getting blotto.

Yeah, the best thing about Christmas is the giving. The giving away of holey socks to the bin monster and the receiving of cake, edible socks and drink into your sytem.

I'll drink to that!

Don't worry about sending a return card, your wonderful songs fill me with delight and that's more than good enough for me

Please could you sing me another one

Fill you with horrow, more like.

Alright, alright:



You better watch out
You better not type,
You better not hit yikes I'm tellin' you why,
Nighthoover is coming to town,

He's logging back on,
Checkin the blog,
He's gonna find out he's the great saviour,
Nighthoover is coming to town.

Encore!