Barflies. The boon of any successful night spot.

I have ruined the bar experience for myself. now...I work at one.*sigh*
I have found that there is a certain part of humanity that has been
ignored until now. The true barfly.
The "true" barfly is not a regular. He is not someone who comes in
every day, sits down, drinks for two hours, and goes home. No. The
true barfly is much more than this. In Virginia, bars close at 2AM,
and you will find the true barfly in a bar until much later. Sometimes
until 4 or 5AM. The reason? The true barfly likes being at the bar
much more than being at home. His friends are there. Also, if the
wind is blowing right, he may be allowed to drink much later than the
normal populace. This doesn't happen much at my place of employment,
but even though all of the bars in the downtown area where I work are owned
by the same person, policy is different. The following is a breakdown
of the true barfly's average evening. If you don't care to read my
rambling about what everyone sees, skip to 2AM:

7pm: Our barfly,"Norm", wanders in to the black-eye saloon. Norm sits
and the bartender greets him by name with his drink of choice.
Some ribbing about Norm's bar tab is generally in order,
especially if it is thursday or friday.

7pm-midnight: Norm sits on his stool drinking and jesting with the
waitstaff. The funny thing is, Norm is up faster than the
bouncers if there's trouble. I think it has something to do
with a drunken person being able to read other drunken persons
better than one who is sober. I'm not sure. We'll leave that
for later.

midnight to 1:30am: Norm slows down. You've all seen this. He has a
beer in front of him, but his elbows are on the table and his
forehead is resting in laced fingers. Most people take this as
someone who has had a bit too much. Untrue! Norm is getting
ready to jump into action.

1:30am: Norm is up. Last call is announced, and Norm is in line. His
last beer of the evening is downed before you can say boo, and
Norm heads for the broom closet. He checks to make sure the
vaccuum is running, then ambles around the bar picking up glasses.
If, during this time, you see Norm point at you for a bouncer,
finish your beer and pay your tab. You've obviously been making
a bigger fool of yourself than usual and it's a good idea to
avoid the embarrassment of getting kicked out of the bar in the
last 10 minutes of operation.

2am: Norm is at the back of the bar helping the staff herd everyone
out the door. The future Norms are being allowed a five count
to guzzle their last, but for the most part, the party's over.

2:05: Norm is vaccuuming. Noone asked him to, he just does it. The
bouncers don't mind, they get tipped out by the bartender whether
Norm does their work or they do.

3:00: By this time, the only person left working is Norm. It's time
to clean up all the glasses left and scour the place for hidden
beer. Yes, this does happen. This done, Norm again sits at the
bar.

3-5am: Depending on the bar, all the staff sits down for a quiet drink
without the threat of fights breaking out, or the noise of 500
drunk frat boys all trying to ask the head bouncer's girl out.
Every once in a while the juke will play an annoyingly catchy
pop song, this week it's Genie in a Bottle, at crowd volume, but
for the most part it's quiet. Norm is treated as a friend and
compatriate. He's thanked for helping spot the underagers and
the simple ragers. By 5am, everyone's tired. Norm is thanked,
everyone leaves, the lights are killed, and everyone goes their
separate ways on the sidewalk.

5am-7pm: Noone knows. Maybe Norm is a stock broker, or maybe he's an
insurance salesman. He doesn't sell bar glasses, nor does he
deliver liquor. If he did, maybe we'd have a clue as to how
Norm spends his days. Suffice it to say, Norm will be back at 7
to do it all over again. Heck, the place might just go out of
business if he didn't.


I'm not saying that the true barfly is a great contributor to society,
but to the small group of people that give the rest of humanity a
place to drink socially, he's invaluable. Besides, who knows what
Norm could be doing when he's not drinking? Maybe he's your boss,
maybe your janitor. that's the barfly's true contribution. the enigma.
 

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