h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That reminds me of when I was at uni. The uni was near Panther Hollow, a wild natural area. There was a little nature museum at the edge of it, and I'd go over there between classes to visit the old folks who ran it. One of them was a retired Untouchable with tales to tell.

One morning, the lady who ran it had a school group visiting. She showed them all the animals that were being rehabbed there - the big snowy owl, the turtles, the raccoon, etc. The piece de resistance was always her pet parrot Bill.

Now, Bill was evil. He would sneak up on you and bite you, then chuckle, 'Heh. Heh. Heh.' So the lady told the kids to stand around the big table and keep their hands behind their backs while Bill did his party piece - hiding in a paper sack and moaning, 'Poor Bill' until she let him out.

Of course, one kid didn't. He thought it would be funny to pull the parrot's tail...

Next thing I heard was: kid wailing, teacher alarmed, and lady scolding, 'I TOLD you to leave that parrot alone!'

Followed by the evil chuckle, 'Heh. Heh. Heh.'

Have fun there!

I knew a parrot like that in the States. It ate chicken, which I found slightly disturbing and unnatural...parrots just should not be eating spicy buffalo wings and Mexican pizza, but it had a tendency to dispossess people of their lunches. It was a noisy loudmouth, as well.

They can have a vile sense of humour.

A doctor we knew in Cologne had an African grey in his waiting room. He'd imitate the doorbell, and when the nurse ran to the desk to activate the buzzer, he'd chuckle.

Oh well, I can't avoid the office forever. But it's going to seem really dull now!

I wonder what lies in store there. I've been studiously avoiding contact...

Can you manage to lock somebody in a closet?

It's a bit harder to pass that off as an accident!

But I've found the keys to a cupboard that hasn't been opened for three years, and nobody knows what's in it.

I'm not sure I want to open it. We've survived without it for three years...and I can foresee whatever lies therein leading to headaches and inconvenience.

Either...

Call the Press and stage an event. Announce that you're SURE this cupboard conatins startling revelations about...oh, I don't know, the secret love affairs of Brian Boru...then, when there's nothing in there but dusty office supplies and some stale cakes, shrug and say, 'Geraldo did it.'

OR:

Wait to open it until the office Halloween party, and tell a ghostly yarn about what's in it.

Someone posted images of a large safe found in an old building on reddit last year. The anticipation for what might be found inside was palpable and widespread. It was one of the most viewed and upvoted threads on the site.

To this day there is much rage in reference to this safe as the original poster never followed up and showed us what was in the safe. Whenever anyone posts images of a locked safe or anything like it now there are wails bemoaning the angst of unrevealed mysteries.

I've just unlocked it...

SHRED!
SHRED!
SHRED!

*Office turns into Iranian embassy c. 1979*

What have you done?

This cupbaord! you have to open it! ... I jmean.... you know... anything could be in it... anything... maybe... even...

I think he did, 2legs...

*reads posts he failed to notice first time* coudl it be! could it be! were they? really? the missing papers?!
*faints*

Oh no, no! There was, uhhh, nothing in it. Not a thing. Er, completely empty. Ahem.





I think our shredder needs servicing.

Ah... too bad you shredded the service manual and maintenance contract.