h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now I'm as open to new ideas as the next man, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stand my ground on this particular matter. A Halloween lantern should be made out of a *turnip*, dammit. Halloween should smell of smoke, leaves, Autumn, but most of all a sulphur-y -candle-in-a-turnip. Pumpkins don't make the grade, I'm afraid.

We never had turnips big enough to carve.

We eat the greens, you see, and the turnips are wee things. You couldn't get a candle inside.

On the other hand, the Americas have got a bait of pumpkins. Big things. And they're easy to carve, because the insides are all seeds.

I'm thinking turnips must be hard to carve. Are they?

Don't you have big turnips over there? The big ones about the size of a ?

Yeah, turnips are an absolute nightmare to carve, because they are solid all the way through. The best way to do it is to slice the top off and make a sort of lattice of cuts downwards, and then it comes out in nice wee cubes. The cubes go on a plate for anyone who fancies a snack.

Actually, looking back on it, Halloeen in our house was basically a list of ingenious ways to injure your fingers. If our father survived the lantern-making without bloodshed, we got him to crack hazel nuts with a hammer. And if he survived that, we'd make him hang apples on strings. That doesn't sound too dangerous, right? But it ended up with
someone having their head stuck between the banisters.

So having said all that, yeah - go with pumpkins.

The mind boggles

Turnips? really?

We always bipassed the entire carving out vegetable thing, and went straight for putting all the skulls out, near the garage, and down the drive/front garden, with candles in/about them... Reminds me, I must go check where Eddie is, not seen him for years since his split with Sophie (two sheep skulls I have...) Luckily these days I don't even need to dress up for hallowine... wine... hallos eve... hallos wine evening... err... hang on... Octoberfest... beer.. err... what were we talking about?

2legs, the Dangerous Druid. Sheep skulls? Really???

No, we have never seen turnips as big as s. Never heard of such a thing.

The turnips we cook are attached to greens. And they're about the size of, say, a smallish tomato. That's why nobody believed the Irish actually carved turnips.

We love to torment foreigners with our bizarre native customs.

Crivvens!

I'm not carving a Mario and an Angry Bird (or whatever I'm doing this year) out of a bloody turnip! I'm daft, but not that daft

That's also the reason why the turnip lantern looks like a scary skull. Not an angry bird thing. Why paint something random on a squash?

I used to collect animal skulls... bones.... and stuff when was a kid... a lot were ones I foudn when hiking, derbyshire, lakes, shoprshire, peak districs etc... was always finding nicely sun-bleached sheep skulls and other animal skulls, laying about... they made... nice orniements for my bedroom... Mind, I did spend quite a whiel, with a pair of duck wings (bones plus feathers), attached to my school rucksack.. I grew up to be quite normal, all things considered

Turnips... more like a medium potato size (the ones I've seen...)... I'd have thought a sweed would be a better shape, if nothing else, being more rounder... Never carved a vegetable... though I have made some rudely shaped baguettes and rolls... actually my heart-shaped rolls were kinda cute well... I thought they were

As the Tenctonese in 'Alien Nation' said, 'Okay, let's mutilate this vegetable. It's a human custom.'

This thread has reminded me of this old youtube clip:

http://youtu.be/N5aUz9cDaCY

That is wonderful. The carrot panpipes are the limit!

Maybe you could make a turnip ocarina, and play like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW6mLztWMXg

So what we have here, then, are soprano, tenor, alto, baritone and bass carrots? http://ecogrrl.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/carrots.jpg

Definitely.

I've just been preparing a load of onions, mushrooms, and spinach for band practice. (Ok, fine, for the band practice *dinner*...)

You*could* make the band play their supper... Er, play *for* their supper...

any suggestions in terms of catering for an orchestra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpfYt7vRHuY

faster than Dmitri...

Also KB

I know the drilling and all sounds really loud

but surely turnip lanterns aren't you just a insy bit tempted?

What an amazing display of musicianship.

That clip was mad.

I will say this for pumpkins - their easier carving makes for better lantern art. You never used to see all these Draculas and Frankenstein's monsters you get now.

But then again, turnips can be skull-like and creepier. Tell me the doesn't look like a malevolent wee labotomised ghost: http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:TurnipJackolantern.jpg