h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The last time I got a tetanus shot, no stitches were required, but I'd cut myself with a plastic spoon. It bled spectacularly.

I have an ankle splint on today, so I can actually walk unassisted (K got me a walking stick to help me on the stairs, but I haven't braved those just yet - tomorrow, probably). So I've stubbed the toes on this foot several times. Ouch. Also, K has strategically placed a footstool and some piles of pillows so I can elevate my foot whether sitting or lying on the couch. One of the cats keeps sitting on them. Once, she even waited for me to move my foot first.

for the lady with the sore foot. And shoo, you s.

Me, I'm so clumsy, I can fall UPstairs. I did this at uni once. Hit my nose square on a step, too. Bled profusely. Had to be whisked away for x-rays by the campus EMTs. Okay, they were being overcautious. Besides, the campus had just bought that ambulance, and they hadn't had a chance to try out the siren yet...

All this was at the cafeteria. So of course they made me lie down on a stretcher and wheeled it through the cafeteria.

Whereupon a wag yelled, 'Hey! The food finally got to someone!'

Other people's accidents are SO amusing.

I find my own* accidents amusing.... useually, or often, quite inappropiately so...
Like one of the last times I got run over/hit by a car
\There I was... crossing the road like... several pints of beer, and tons of vodka, and probably some ozzo the worse for war.... (well I was a student at the time, like...)
and I'm just crossing this road... near a junction, and a car, very* slowly collides with me... or I with it... depends how you think about it I guess...

and I kinda roll over the bonnet of the car... up onto teh windscreen a bit, and then over and off into the road... and roll over there, by which time I'm in fits of hysterical laughter
I'm not sure if it was the fact they'd hit somone in their car, or the fact I was in hysterical laughter... but I had to try calm the driver down...
Strangely enough, of course, being that* drunk, I didn't even get a cut or bruise from that...

Mala, you forgot "climb a tree"...

I am in good company in this thread! Dmitri made me laugh out loud at falling UP stairs, and 2legs's adventures in flinging himself onto the front ends of moving cars was another entertaining mental image.

Today, I negotiate the wilds of the city as I return to work. I'll have a stiff splint on my ankle and a walking stick, but it's over 1/4 mile walk home from the train in the evening, so wish me luck! If it's too much, OH will pick me up some crutches on his way home. But I imagined dealing with stairs and trains, etc, would be more of a hassle with crutches than a stick.

with all that. And don't take me or 2legs with you.

we're probably bad luck accident causing influences

Not actually cut, burnt or otherwise injured myself, for a couple of days now

I think work would be much nicer if you were here. Any time someone came over with a stupid question, I would have 2legs answer them. That should ensure me a quiet afternoon from that point forward.

I think 2legs would be handy on the journey to work, too. Don't have to try hard to imagine him clearing a path, scythe-like, through crowded railway stations...

glad to know I've got my uses sadly, my parting the people, through railway stations, and crowded streets, doesn't always seem to work... Mind, they do kinda have to move by the point they walk into me now... if I had the 7" heels, on the ballet boots, I'd be err 6ft 6 or 7 tall... people might notice me then and stop walking into me although.... of course... if they did walk into me, I'd likely as not fly flat on my face, I can't imagine life is too 'stable' in 7" heels

Here's a deal then: I will walk ahead of 2legs at train stations, on platforms, etc, and move people out of his way using elbows or my stick or the occasional* swear word.

And 2legs can provide florid, vaguely inappropriate answers for stupid questions.

Everybody wins!

*anyone who knows me well, knows that by "occasionally", I mean "profusely".

Oh... I'm rreally rather good at swearing too in RL

I can answer all their questions, with the due level of inappropaiteness as each question, justifys, through its irrelivent, pointless or just plain stupid-nature.
Using a carefully constructed set of assessment criteria, each question is graded, on a point system, as according to its level of irrelivent, stupidity, and randomness. Thusly, the questions overlal quotient, determines its necessity of response allignment to the ratio of the questions score.
Thereby, an utterly inappropiate answer, can be forecoming, with just the exactly-gaged level of randomness to the actual seeming initial questions subject area and exact nature.
Following the Beccles hypothesis, appropiate diployment of random creatures, (mythical and otterwise), can be sucessfully anointed into each qeustions individual and specific irrelivent asnwer. Ensuring at all times, the level of questions adressing, taking place, is kept to an absolute minamum...

So long... of course... as I get to wear the ballet boots

What could possibly go wrong?

Dmitri will probably want to join you, for safety in numbers.

This journey could have the makings of a latter-day Canterbury Tales...

(I've just had the animal rights people on the phone...they're demanding that any pack animals used should have a chaperone in the presence of 2legs. )

you know that Daily Mail Headline Generator thing? can't someone clever make a 2Legs Answer Generator? you can put the question into a dialogue box and just show them the answer...

ahhh, a random '2legs answer generator'.
I do believe, once apon a time, in the long distant past (well, 'long-distant past' in terms of the internet, so perhaps n not all* that long ago, in geological timescales). However, problems were encountered, with the ability of the software created, to be able to randomly insert relivent and irrelivent sub-clauses, and without such sub-clauses, the otterwise successful attempt, was rendered as useless as a badger carrying a bucket of eels up a hill. Ultimately, any answers given were, as determined by the end-user, less irrelivent and 42% more useful, and direct and 'to the point', than was required by the user-framework design brief. Inability to successfully apply badgerisms, nighthooverisms, and otter types of 'isms', meant that the output, in the main, failed to convince 7 out of 9 cat-owners, that they were indeed recieving an actual answer that failed to address any aspect of the initial question fed into the software... It was doomed to fail really... Even my pertunias could have told me that... They were very dismissive of the entire project.. Actually, come to think of it, I think it was only the Dwarves and chinchillas that thought it would work, but to be honest, I think the chinchillas and dwarves are as mad as a bucket of eels on a lampost...

it works then

I resemble that remark

>as useless as a badger carrying a bucket of eels up a hill



Much like the people asking the questions, then.

Indeed, as such as that may be the case, it is also highly likely, in many given circumstances, that, as was once said, there are no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid answers Or something

I want a mechanical 2legs to keep in my office.