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Hollow Victory

Post 1

Star

Hello there. I came looking for the story 'Hollow Victory' as Haveago recommended it, but you seem to have deleted it.smiley - sadface

Is this because you have submitted it somewhere or are you updating it? Will it come back? I'm intrigued now.


Hollow Victory

Post 2

RK

Hi Star

I wrote 'Hollow Victory' before I joined GW a few days ago.

It never felt right having it here and I wanted to delete it earlier than I did. You must have just missed it.

Just read your: THE PERSISTENCE OF GRASS

Fantastic - that's how I want to write. I'm starting small, 60 word comps and I'll move up to some bigger stuff. Weed out the boring bits of my writing, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere on this site, I think, don't try to make the old story better, write another better story.

Something like that, anyway.

RK


Hollow Victory

Post 3

Star

I know what you mean, I hate editing. But, on days when the writing isn't really coming it can pay dividends - for me anyway. I've been finding it difficult over the lasy few weeks - things happening, holidays, kids at home etc so that's what I've been mostly doing. I know feel able to write properly and have some stories I feel happier with, so it must have worked.

I used to find it hard to write up to 1000 words and now I find it hard to write a story less than that.

I'm glad you liked 'Persistence of Grass'. I liked it too, as soon as I wrote it, which must be a good sign.

Why did you delete 'Hollow Victory' though? I hope you've stored it somewhere else, because people must like it - Haveago does.


Hollow Victory

Post 4

RK

Bless Haveago, I've met some really nice people since I joined.

I have stored the story. Maybe when it's rested for a while, I'll dust it down.

I tried editing it recently, but the story didn't seem right after reading some better stuff on GW.

I was a bit embarrassed by my writing style, I think.

Have you had any other work published?

RK


Hollow Victory

Post 5

Star

I had a story in 'Long Story Short' last month, but all the others have either been rejected or I'm waiting to hear - you never know. I've been a bit lax submitting lately. I'll do some tonight - and I'll have a look at some of your other stories if you won't let me look at 'Hollow Victory'.


Hollow Victory

Post 6

RK

Thank you.

The Next Stop is my favourite, because it took the longest to write/edit. Only 60 words long.

RK


Hollow Victory

Post 7

BeetMeet

Ms Kent

Then you'll no doubt appreciate the famous Pascal letter, where he starts, "I apologize for this long letter. I didn't have the time to make it any shorter."

Boom, boom.

I like you're short stuff a lot. Which is not to say I don't like the Radio Kent stuff. I know this isn't really a decent crit. (and it probably says more about me than it does about the writing), but even with the economy of language, some of your stuff is still difficult to grasp. Other reviewers claim to understand what's going on, but occasionally I'm left a little mystified. I've enjoyed what I've read (nice easy style, biting irony), but just a touch too clever? Take the parrot sketch. Helen, I assume has a hand in the poor departed wife's voice, but WHO IS THE PARROT?

And in the bomb piece, it is not immediately (or even on reflection) clear (to me at least) what is going on. I wonder whether this couldn't be better punctuated? By which I mean you should carefully review the carriage returns to make clearer who says what (even if some of this does take place in the protagonists head). Not saying it does but...

As for the missing piece, publish and be damned!

Bsmiley - ok


Hollow Victory

Post 8

RK

The bomb story. This is entered for a 60 word challenge and I've found a lot of people have struggled with it.


It's basically, one side of a telephone conversation on a train - if that helps.

The Parrot sketch.

Helen makes the sound of the dead parrot acidentally when she pressed down on the floor boards in her flat. Because Mr. hardy has given her a good idea for her stage act, she will continue to make the noise,(without him knowing) because it makes him happy.

Not so much a touch too clever as maybe not finishing it off properly.

Thank you for your comments.

The unpublished story you refer to is 'Hollow Victory' which is now up for review in Short Stories.

RK


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