h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Where have you been for the past three weeks then? I know you've been on line since I last posted to you because it says so on your personal space. So there!

I'm very bored at work today and I can't even find any hootoo friends to play with. Mrs Boss has gone again (hurrah!) and I am on leave myself next week (hurrah again - the last time I was off was Christmas which seems eons ago now).

Do you think you might go to the summer meet?http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A3739601. I've said that I would only go to the afternoon event, but I might go to the pub for a couple of hours as I think it is a bit nearer to Liverpool Street Station than where they went last year. (Note to self - must check A to Z).

We've got workmen in the office this week installing alarms (nearly two months after the break-ins, but better late than never). They are starting to get on my nerves - every time I turn around there is one of them lurking behind me!

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Liz
~

Has it really been three weeks since I last left some inane ramblings of the car crash of emotions that I call my life May it be said that YOU are the first person to get a message after the computer went back to the shop to get the sound sorted (the sound card had been deleted), it was incredibly slow (and it is faster now) and I couldn't access the e-mail thing from the desktop (that now appears to have been deleted!).

Heavy stuff going on here at home too. Mr BB asked me what was wrong, I faced my fear and I let some, not all, but some stuff out on Mother's Day. My timing has always been off. Anyway, Mr BB got ar*sey and unreasonable, which was the very reason that I hadn't been able to face 'that' conversation, but its out there now and I'm not taking it back and I'm not apologising. I haven't seen the counsellor, hoh yus -it has been that bad, for a few weeks due to holidays. And then on Monday, the announcement came that the first week of April sees closure of Mr BB's industry as he knows it and Mr BB will have no office and will have to come and work from. I wonder if Mr BB will recognize the two small people who live in our home as being his daughters

As for the summer meet, Mr BB hasn't a clue about my computer chums and I don't live near London although I know Liverpool Street Station. I used to work a stone's throw away.

What are you going to do with your week off? And as for a lurking workmen, is he lurking or admiring? How is Chris after his passport fiasco?

Well, for as much as I would love to sit and trawl through my backlog, I have a dinner to prepare for this evening and washing to remove from the machine.

I hope the pink boots are well and I look forward to hearing from you.

Until then, BB

Ah-ha, there you are! (The fact that I have time to write you another message today shows you just how little work I have to do).

So you'll be seeing a whole lot more of Mr BB then? Good luck with that It sounds as if you have at least had some communication, which is more than we usually manage.

I don't live that close to London myself (I'm about 70 miles away) but I hope to trundle down on the train for the summer meet. It was a bit of an odd experience last year, but I have so few interests outside of home and work I thought I would make the effort to go again. I didn't bother with the winter meet - I'm a fairweather meeter!

The workmen are still around and currently making a lot of noise out on the landing. Still, at least they are not drilling like they were on Monday. It would have been nice if anyone had warned us that we would have to work in a building site for most of this week - we have very limited space in this suite of offices which is why it seems that everytime I want to get to the photocopier, or a filing cabinet there is a ladder in the way or some munter stuffing bits of wire into some trunking.

You ask 'how is Chris' and I reply 'I wish I knew'. He is in a distinctly odd mood at the moment and I do feel a bit aprehensive about spending the whole of next week in his company. He isn't entirely well at the moment - indeed, he has had a minor health issue for a very long time (without going into details, it's to do with his water works). I think he thought that I didn't know what was going on. Two years ago I noticed that he was receiving letters from the hospital but when I asked him about this he denied it. So I went through his stuff (bad Liz!) and found out for myself what was going on. He has now had to tell me a bit about this for reasons that I prefer not to go into and we have both been to the hospital this week. He drives me nuts the way he hides everything from me - it's not good for him to be bottling everything up like this and it might well have been sorted out a long time ago if he had spoken up for himself more (not just with me, but with doctors too). Also, his Dad is in hospital again (another fall) and I think he is getting a bit stressed about that. He's been telling me for the last three years that his Dad can't manage at home on his own, but then he does nothing about it. He wont even talk to the nurses on his Dad's hospital ward .

We are supposed to be going up to Lincolnshire towards the end of next week for my Dad's 60th birthday, but even my plans for that are not going smoothly. I thought we had got everything sorted but now my brother is talking about having the celebrations on a different day. Aargh! Men! .

Anyway, that's enough whinging for one post. I look forward to more tales from BillyBob whenever you have the time.

Take care.
Liz
~

The fact that I am replying to you twice is testament to how much I missed you The tea is simmering nicely, the washing is still in the washing machine and I don't have long before the pickups begin.

I've started to go to a body combat class once a week and it is really fun. I went today and managed to remember the difference between a jab, a hook, a cross and an upper-cut!! Yesterday it was BLT, no not bacon, lettuce, tomato but bums, legs, tums and Mondays and Fridays you can find me in Crunch Time for your abs!!! My weight plummeted to 6st 3lb (not good) because I was so stressed with Mr BB but now I weight 8st 5lb!!! which is great but it is wobbly and I hate that on me. It is also about half a stone heavier than I want to be. I gradually went back to 7st 10/12lb but I have comfort ate my way out of my jeans and I've taken a firm grip of myself since this c*ap on Sunday.

I hope Chris is OK, and you too. It isn't good to bottle things up at all and I felt like a coke bottle waiting to explode. I hope things are sorted for him and you.

I'll check out the link re: the summer London meet and if Mr BB isn't around, well, who knows.

I'm going now and it will not be three weeks until next time. Sometimes I read the '1 new post' but don't have the time to answer and then instead add a line or whatever in a game or two and that was how you slipped by. I am truly The last time I saw you we chewed the fat with Snow White over Charles and Camilla Park-Yer-Balls!!

Anyway, home time is a bit nearer now. Take care, BB

Posts from Billybob are like buses - you wait three weeks for one and then two turn up at once!

I'm still bored at work. I'm not exactly having a ball at home either.

My weight has remained static around the 9 stone mark for about the last two years. I could do with being about half a stone lighter, but I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Chris, on the other hand, has lost more than a stone since the start of January. His tactic at the moment appears to be not eating at all.

I was looking around for a keep-fit class at one time, but I really want something within walking distance of my house and when I didn't find that I sort of lost interest.

One of my colleagues has got herself a new job and has resigned this morning. I wish I had enough get-up-and-go to look for something else, but there isn't anything I want to do. My boss's boss came and saw me about my workload on Monday and I thought that some more work might come my way as a result of that meeting, but nothing so far.

The London Meet thread seems to have gone a bit quiet (personally, I think voting for 5 diferent dates is a bad idea - we only had choice of 2 last time). The fact that it's advertised in today might generate a bit more interest.

Chat soon.
Liz
~

And yet another post from BB. Are you OK? I've just left a message on 'the end of the road'. I'm so sorry, Liz. I wish Chris would have, could have opened up to you. I'm know that you have friends around you but there really are people here on hootoo who care, me included, so rant and rave, cry and moan if you want too. I was a wreck when Mr BB and I had the biggest difference of opinion that you could ever get in a marriage about 4/5 years ago and I thank God for my friends (and my parents but you don't seem to have that support) because they were absolutely fantastic with me, and all your hootoo friends, me included, are feeling for you right now. I'm truly sorry, Liz

Hi Liz,

If we knew each other personally I would have called, so this is the equivalent. I just wanted to let you know that even if you hadn't have wanted to answer the telephone and wanted to 'cocoon', I'm thinking of you and I will be this weekend too.

A good helps if your that way inclined. Remember me last summer when I was a real newbie and I drunk too much champagne and came here and tapped my angst away? Do whatever it is that gets you by, honey.

Here for you, Liz.

x BB x

Just checking in, Liz. How are you doing? I expect you to be quiet for a bit but I just wanted to let you know that loads of people are thinking of you at this difficult. Whether you saw it coming or not, its a bit adjustment after eleven and a half years. Be kind to yourself

Thank you.

I have cried some and then been OK and then cried some more. We've been together for so long that every where I go and everything I do remind me of him.

I don't really mind that he isn't living in my house anymore (that never worked - he never really moved in properly) but I do mind that he's gone out of my life so totally. I miss his company - he used to be so interesting and witty and then suddenly it all went. I understand some of his reasons for going (and a lot of it is my fault - he wasn't the only one with communication issues) but I don't understand the timing of it. Why now? Why is it so much worse now? I thought we'd been getting on much better up until a few weeks ago.

I'm going to have to tell him some of this stuff - I'm trying to give him some space to get his head together (it breaks my heart to think of how upset he was when he left here on Thursday), but there is just too much that has been left unsaid. I can't just let such a huge chunk of my life vanish like this. I wrote him a brief note to let him know that there are still a few of his things here and I sort of left it up to him to make the first move, but I'm already running out of patience.

I've hardly told anyone in my real life about this yet. I plan to call a friend tomorrow (I think it will be easier to call during the day when her kids are at school). My special friend from work is going to tell my other work colleagues for me and my interfering Mum has already told my brother. He's supposed to be phoning me tonight. I really wish that I didn't have to go up to Lincolnshire this week - my parents mean well but they're crap in a crisis.

I usually tell all my troubles to Chris. I know lots of people, but I have very few close friends. Chris was probably the closest friend I ever had.

Liz
~

Hi Liz,

Thanks for getting back when you probably didn't feel like it very much. How are you facing up to the world today? I know it is the week of your annual leave. You know, you mentioned lousey timing. Having been in a similar place as to where you are now, there is no good time. A week's annual leave, a family birthday 'do', something going on at work .... and as for 'we were getting on so much better until a few weeks ago', what changed or happened in those few weeks? Kim is right. There is no right way or wrong way to conduct a relationship. It is just a case of finding a person who is on the same wavelength and therefore you are both comfortable with each other and the situation. Is it possible to ask Chris to continue seeing each other but not live together? It wouldn't suit everybody but it might suit you two. And equally, if you want the whole commitment and children bit, then it is time to be terribly brave, cry and howl and scream and shout, but be brave and face the horrible truth, you just want/need different things. Without going into it now, look at me and Mr BB. How down and miserable have I been about hardly seeing the man that I fell in love with, married, had children with and even as I tap away now, I won't see him for another 12 days. I did a brave thing and told him on Mother's Day (see timing again) that I couldn't take the pressure of the situation between him and Y&E anymore. He asked and I told. Now that may have been nothing to some but for me, and for him, it was a big, big thing. Everybody is different, every relationship is different. Sure, people can advise or look in at my marriage and say 'Jeez, what does she put up with that for? She should get out and enjoy her life' but I thought I could make a difference to Mr BB's life and his insecure/sad issues so I chose to stay. And, of course, to me he is attractive etc.......

Anyway, I wander off. I'll be looking out for you this week but I don't suppose we'll see much of you if you are away in Lincolnshire. Just be sure to know that you will get through this. It might not seem like it now and either way, with or without Chris as your boyfriend/partner, you will be OK. I never believed it but I have come such a long way. And with the support of friends, ones you know personally and ones like me and other hootooers, we will get you through this, Liz, because that is what friends do for each other.

In your own time, let us know how you are. Looking out for you and thinking about you.

BB

Chris called 'round last night to pick up the rest of his stuff. I made him a coffee and we talked for about an hour-and-a-half. It was an extremely difficult and painful conversation. He told me a whole lot of stuff that no one wants to hear but it's all entirely true. He's not great at expressing himself, but the real crux of what has gone wrong between us IS something that he had tried to talk to me about. This is something that became an issue about eleven years ago (so pretty early on in the relationship) but it was never as much of a problem for me as it was for him. Having said that, things had deteriorated to the point where it was a big problem for both of us and the sad thing is that neither of us felt able to fix it even though we both wanted to.

He said to me last night that we have been like brother and sister for many years now. It's true. And I was quite happy with that if I'm honest. I'd have liked more of a physical relationship than we've had for the past five years, but I've never wanted what he needed. I'm hopeful that we can remain friends on some level because that's all I ever really wanted from him anyway. Sadly, he wants much more than that and more than I can give, so I'm not sure where we are in the longer term.

I'm very glad we have talked. I knew he was coming 'round last night so I felt much more positive yesterday. I spoke to my best mate on the phone for ages (I may have to leave the country before my phone bill arrives) and then I met another friend for lunch. Then I went shopping and bought a new top to wear on Friday night. However, I didn't feel quite so good after I had seen Chris - I think I spent most of yesterday deluding myself that we could sort everything out when he came 'round last night and, of course, that didn't happen. However, for me it helped me to understand what had gone wrong and how much distress it has been causing Chris.

I spoke to my brother on Monday and he has promised lots of moral support over the weekend. I am going to Lincolnshire tomorrow and my brother is arriving on Friday evening. I intend to spend a big part of Friday 'round at my friends house. My brother has promised to give my mother a severe wigging if she starts quoting cliches and platitudes at me. I'm really looking forward to seeing my brother - I haven't seen him for six months!

When I saw Chris last night, he told me that one of his friends is considering leaving his wife and that his sister has split up with her partner. He expressed some disappointment that so many people are unhappy and don't talk about it. He seems to have resolved to make a lot of changes in his life, including getting to know his sister again. I'm glad about that. He's looking around for a house to rent and is talking about moving out of town for a while, until he decides what he wants to do. He said he feels that he has underachieved in his life. Bless his little heart, he STILL hasn't got a passport because my friend who agreed to sign for him messed up the section she had to fill in and the passport people will not accept any alterations on that part of the form.

So anyway, I had better try and make some sort of decision about which train I'm going to catch tomorrow and let my daft parents know. I'll be back Saturday night so I'll probably be back on here at some point over the weekend. Then I have to face going back to work - not looking forward to that at all.

Liz
~

Oh Liz, my heart goes out to you. You are being positive in that you don't regret the last 11 years, you are happy that Chris is still talking to you and that you wish to remain friends and underneath it all, you are hurting

For someone who has difficulty in expressing himself, I think he did pretty good to stay an hour-and-a-half and chew the fat with you. And as you said, it cleared the air. The saying 'opposites attract' is true. Woman is attracted to man and it is great to have different interests, be different personalities but in the end, it helps if both of you are going in the same direction.

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Lean on your brother and let him handle your parents. As for work, I won't deny that it will be a toughie. Just know that loads of people are here to support you and hold your hand and get you through this. And you don't have to be brave. I'm not a believer in bottling it all up. I understand how you may not want to let loose in front of your 'daft parents' but let it out on your own or with your brother or your best friend or tell it to me/us here.

See you at the weekend. Safe journey, take care, x BB x

Hi Liz,

I know you are not there but I'm dropping by to let you know that I'm thinking of you with your family this weekend. I hope your brother is doing his job

I'm away with Y&E to my own parents seeing as Mr BB isn't here (is he ever?) and I'll be back to check in on you upon my return.

Be kind to yourself, take care, x BB x

Hiya,

Got back 24 hours ago and it's good to be home.

We had a pleasant meal on Friday night (great food - crap waitress!) and my Dad was pleased with his present. My Dad is very stressy at the moment (mental illness is rife in my family) and talking constant rubbish, which is pretty exhausting. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when my brother offered to drive me back to Peterborough yesterday. Despite leaving in plenty of time, we got stuck behind a tow-truck on the A15 and I only caught my train at all because it was late!

I spent a fair old while with my friend on Friday, but the principle reason behind Chris's decision to leave is something rather private and intimate and it's not easy to speak about, so I don't think she has any idea at all as to why we have split up. Her husband drove me back to my parents house (about 8 miles away) and on the way he was talking about when Judy left him. This happend so long ago (the child conceived during their reconcilation is nearly 14!) that I had completely forgotten that they were separated for nearly six months in the early 1990's. They've been married for 19 years altogether.

My Mum wanted to come and visit me next weekend, but I have said no. I might see if they want to come down on one of the May bank holidays, but at the moment I'm enjoying my own space too much and I really don't want anybody else in my house.

So, that's about all the news for now. I hope you and the sprogletts had a nice visit to your folks.

Liz
~

Hi Liz,

Your weekend sounded passable under the circumstances and I'm pleased to hear you enjoying your own space. At the moment, for as much as I love the sprogletts, I long for a weekend just me. It will pass I know but I have a pile of paperwork to sort through and clutter and cr*p I long to throw away without having to be a policeman for Y&E, cook meals, nag about homework ..... I just long to wake up stay in my pj's and do that stuff without being interrupted. So you enjoy your peace and see your Mum another time.

Mr BB is in parts foreign and has been for a week now. Unbelieveably (sp?) he has been given the date (first week in April) to come and work from home. Trouble is, I've waited so long and so much cr*p has happened, I'm not in the least bit excited. Had I had this news two or three years ago, I couldn't have been happier. But now I have this sinking feeling that too much water has gone under the bridge. I will give it my best shot though because then if it doesn't work out, at least I can say I gave it 100%, right to the end.

I drive quite a large car, its nickname is The Beast, and it was so dirty, inside and out. So while Y went shopping with Nanny, E, Grandad and I hoovered and washed the car. We had great fun just being together. We had a fab roastie, we watched a light, fluffy video (You've Got Mail) while poring over a 1000 puzzle. We stayed the night and then we went to meet friends at a country park and spent the whole day there. That's what weekends are all about, for me anyway. We had the best time.

Unfortunately, Y is off sick today with a temperature and sore throat. She was crying in the night she felt so bad She's tucked up in bed at the moment and my Dad is coming to me today

I hope work isn't too ghastly for you and your friend has primed your colleagues to be a little sensitive to you.

Always here to vent your feelings, Liz.

Thinking of you, BB xx

I enjoy my own space way too much and this is not entirely unrelated to the fact that my bloke has b******d off I particularly enjoy my own bed and I don't miss sharing it at all. I wrote to Chris before I went away and he put a short note through my door by way of a reply. He doesn't say much really (although he does sort of acknowledge his inability to discuss anything as having been a problem), but at least the channels of communication are still open. I'm going to leave him be for a couple of weeks and then see if he feels like talking. Ideally, I'd like to wait until after he has moved house.

Your weekend sounds nice and relaxing. You have your children on your own for so much of the time, it must be nice to have someone to share them with from time to time. Good luck with the return of Mr BB.

My work colleagues are very kind and friendly. The one who was so kind to me the day after Chris left and who met me for lunch last Tuesday has relationship problems of her own. This morning her partner called her on her mobile to inform her that he is leaving her. What a s**t! At least Chris had the guts to tell me to my face. Anyway, she has persuaded him to stay put and they will talk about this when she gets home tonight. This latest drama emboldened one of my male colleagues to ask me how things are with me and Chris, so I've been chatting about it quite a bit today. Another male colleague has volunteerd to represent the male of the species and has invited us ladies to hit him if it makes us feel better! He's been plying us all with chocolate hob-nobs this afternoon.

I'd still rather not be at work though - I've even less enthusiasm for it than I do normally. I was in a bit of a crabby mood earlier on and it ocurred to me that if I was still a credit controller I would have been very effective this morning. At least my job has no stress. I'm not exactly doing a great deal so far this week and my boss (Mrs couldn't-communicate-effectively-if-my-life-depended-on-it) is too scared to talk to me in case I get upset, so she's staying out of my face.

Anyway, Mrs Boss will be back from her meeting soon so I had best go back to pretending to work. I hope your little one feels better soon. There are all sorts of funny bugs about at the moment - my brother's girlfriend had completely lost her voice when I saw her at the weekend.

Liz
~

Hi Liz,

I'm pleased to hear 1) the lines of communication are still open between you and Chris; 2) Mrs Boss is staying out of your face; 3) a male colleague has volunteered to be the verbal/physical punch bag for the whole of the male race; and 4) and endless supply of Hob-Nobs is now available to you Where do you work? Any call for part-time Mums returning to the working environment required there?

I think I was rejected by telephone by a high street bank today. It asked for applicants to ring, which I did, no experience needed. This woman then proceeded to ask me what I would do in certain situations and I told her I've never had to deal with the public face-to-face and the advert said no experience necessary, training given She said I'd hear within three working days. Or not as I suspect.

Y has tonsilitis (sp?)and is on penicillin (sp again). She really is quite poorly Y won't be returning to school for the end of term or going to the Guides Easter Fayre.

What have you planned for the long weekend? Something or someplace new or safe and secure familiar surroundings? Whatever it is you choose, I hope you have a calm Easter. We are meeting up with Mr BB so a short break in proceedings should be expected but I'll check in one more time before we head off.

You sound incredibly together, Liz. Good on you. And always remember if you don't feel so together or good, loads of people are only to willing to support you, me included

Take care of yourself, until the next time, x BB x

Poor little Y. I haven't had tonsilitis for about 20 years, but I haven't forgotten how miserable it is. I hope she perks up a bit for the weekend.

I haven't got anything planned at all really. To be honest, I'm a bit skint. I'm going to have to raid a bit of money out of my savings to tide me over until pay day (which is not until next Thursday). I have a savings account that is especially for dipping into at times like this, but I don't want to make a habit of it. It's going to take me a couple of months to get used to managing only on my money again after nearly three years of charging board-and-lodging to Chris. I might do some jobs in the garden and I really ought to sort out my dining room cupboard, but whether I can be bothered is quite another matter Skiving about at home is infinitely preferable to going to work. I love the Easter weekend - it's like having two Saturdays and two Sundays. I think we should work four day weeks all the time (lazy? Moi?).

I would never apply for a job working directly with the public (don't like 'em) - it's bad enough having to deal with them on the phone. I do get peed off with places that advertise 'no experience required' and then expect you to have it. And how is anyone supposed to get experience if they can't get a job in the first place?

Well, I've been on here for ages this evening (nowt on telly) and I'm getting a stiff neck now so I had better log out.

Bye for now
Liz
~

Ah, yes. The dark and dusty corners of 'the dining room cupboard'. Every house has one. I avoid ours at all costs.

Thanks for your kind wishes for Y. She perked up a bit today. She was still flushed in her little cheeks though, bless her and she slept later than usual.

We are having a thunderstorm believe it or not! The lightening is the kind that lights the whole sky up, not the forked kind. I hope it doesn't wake Y&E up. I'm myself now.

I'm back in the middle of next week and I hope you enjoy your two Saturdays and two Sundays. I'm sure things feel all up in the air at the moment, extra time to yourself, money to figure out, but things will settle, I promise

See you when I get back. Thinking of you, Liz, x BB x

<> Not really, no. Why should they? I have been here before, you know. Remember, I am VERY happily divorced. I've saved as much money as I possibly could while Chris has been living with me just in case he didn't stay.

I had an e-mail from a work colleague earlier today commiserating with me on the departure of my boyfriend. She says “Being very experienced in relationship break ups I generally find the best bit is after you get past the initial horrible phase and before you meet the next arse, so I wish you a long and happy in-between time (then of course a great bloke who deserves you but worry about that later).” Obviously a woman of great insight! (although how she comes to be so cynical when she's only 30, I don't know).

The weather is a bit overcast here today and it's trying to rain. I hope it gets the rain over with today - I could do with drying some washing tomorrow.

Have a nice Easter.

Liz
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