h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Edward,

just wondered how the food growin's gaein. Have you eaten anything yet?

Well now...nice of you to ask, your majesty.

We went on holiday. When we came back, most of our garden was burnt to a cinder. But the cabbages and caulis seem to be coming on well.

We've had some radishes. The 'Japanese radishes' are a little too nippy for salads, so I'm hoing to pull them this week and use them as per mooli in a curry (grate and curry them with mustead, kalonji and green chilli)

My beetroot have been disappointing. I guess the slugs got them early. And my chard has been in stasis.

I've no idea what's happened to my courgettes. They looked so promising!

Beans = the broad beans have started flowering at only 18ins - which doesn't seem right. The french beans got to about a foot, then stopped. My only hope is for the runners, which have started doing their curly thing.

The saving grace has been the mustard that I sowed as green manure last year. It's come back as a weed...and it's lovely sauteed like spinach.

Still, I'm not giving up. I know it's a long-term project and I'm starting off some spring greens. Cooked in the Kashmiri style with tons of chilli, they're my death row meal.

I had tree surgeons in today, and lost a baffling amount of lovely edibles. On the upside though, It's left a whole lot of room to plant vegetables. So there should be plenty of lettuce and cabbage a few months from now.

Where the beans you had dwarf ones or anything? They do say if you keep picking them though, there'll be more to take their place, so maybe they'll keep going a fair while.

I'm a bit pissed off to be honest - after the County Down Chainsaw Massacre I'm reduced down to about 4 seedling lettuces and half a dozen radishes. But then as a wise man once said, "look to the future now, it's only just beguh-uh-uhn!"