Journal Entries
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Poem -for Stealth, and anyone who needs it
Posted Aug 25, 2004
Cocoon (written circa 1992) by M.A.P.
I was safe, hidden inside my own little cocoon.
Outside, the world waited with all its questions and jeers.
You motioned me out, assured me it was safe, and soon
I ventured to reach out, I sought to assuage my fears.
You assured me I could trust you, you gave me your hand.
You said you'd never leave, and so I reached out to you.
A promise of warmth and friendship and love, so great, so grand,
I was comforted, beguiled- you waited, I knew.
A simple, sincere gesture brought me forth from my shell.
You coaxed me as I emerged, and I exposed my heart.
A shaft of sunlight burst forth, leaving God where He dwells,
reflecting off the gleam in your eye, and warmed my heart.
My spirit lit up, my soul alive, I left my nest
In a glorious rush, alive and glowing with love.
Suddenly, I was falling in space, alone, unblessed.
A cold, heartless void- nothing below, noone above.
I reached for your hand, your support- you had promised me.
You were nowhere to be found, my fall continued.
Just when I needed you the most, you ignored my plea.
You told me to dream, your love and trust you promised.
You urged me on to fly, but never gave me the wings.
You told me to dare to dream, then woke me most cruely.
As I fall and fall, I can only think of these things-
Your hands, your smile, your laugh- nothing but a memory.
Your warmth, your sunshine, your love- Did they ever exist?
These questions, these lies swirl around me, tormenting me.
Slowly, I lose my light, shrouded again in my own mist-
My embers die, my heart grows cold- I will cease to be.
A new cocoon begins to form around my lost light,
Protecting me from the world which you exposed me to
after assuring me of your love, my dreams take flight.
My nightmares consume me now, they are all about you.
Safe in my cocoon I shall forever after dwell.
But for you- only this: I wish you would rot in hell!
Now you know why I cry to the moon, here in the desert.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Aug 25, 2004
August 16, 2004
Posted Aug 16, 2004
Hey everybody. Sorry I've been incommunicado for so long. The job hunt has me 
, and I got 
for over a week. I'm sure the two are connected. Then, just when I started feeling better and wanting to talk again, my computer went down with a nasty virus, wiping some of my programs out!
I was so scared, because it actually wiped out my floppy disc drive and my cd burner, and I didn't have all my files backed up, and so was terrified that I would lose all my work.
I can't tell you how relieved I was when my brother was able to pull his cd burner from his computer to put in mine so that I could back up all my files!
My computer is still down, so once again I'm using my brother's, while he is away at his ex-wife's family's house.
I spent months getting all of my writing on my computer, so that it was all in one place, not half on napkins and scraps of paper. Ideas are all well and good, but I could never find them to flesh them out into stories, and they were all over the place. I have so many ideas that even after spending so much time getting them on disc, I still have binders and folders full of thoughts on stories, songs, poems, etc.
At any rate, I'm back now, and will hopefully be contacting each and everyone personally. I've missed being able to greet kindred spirits, those who know my points of reference, and who find reaching out across the world to say 
a wonderful way to spend their time.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Aug 16, 2004
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Cry_Havoc
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