Journal Entries
still a mistress
Posted Feb 1, 2007
so nine days on, after she found out, he came over for 20 minutes. we talked about it all of course, i mean who wouldn't, it all resulted in him saying that he really did love his wife but he was in love with me. and i just answered casually that it's obviously not the same thing! he also said stuff like wanting to be sure he wasn't risking everything for just a fling, needs to know that i'm for real. i will admit that in the beginning i couldn't imagine us as a couple, but now i can. god, i know this is gonna be a painfull thing to get through. i already know deep down inside of me that i will be the one to lose, even though i didn't set off to win in the beginning. i wish i had the strength to tell him it's over, but being a weak person (where love is concerned) i can't do it because i have the hope of a happy ending. how pathetic is that? xxx
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Latest reply: Feb 1, 2007
the final??????
Posted Jan 25, 2007
so i got his call! i was waiting for it and dreading it. i'll spare you all the details, but he's actually more worried about me than anything else. so, me trying to do the right thing for everyone, i said not to worry for me, just take care of yourself. he said not to say that, of course he'll worry about me, bla bla bla, i said maybe it'd be easier to just let go and sort his own life, he said, yeah maybe you're right, so it's finished. i feel pain of course. but before putting down the phone, he said i'll text you later, kiss. i sent him a text saying that i would fight for him, but it's not my fight, only he can pull the strings. we'll see. but now i must think that it's over, and carry on with my own life. i'll do my best to forget him, which won't be easy coz he's kinda special to me. xxx
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Latest reply: Jan 25, 2007
still the mistress thing
Posted Jan 25, 2007
it's 03h30pm, just got a text from him saying that he is ok, and that his wife says she doesn't want to lose him. all he does is worry about me, begs for me to be ok, and that he'd call me tonight. i texted him back saying that ididn't want to lose him either, but who the hell am i? and that i understand his wifes feeling of sorrow, anger and hatred towards me. so now i'm gonna sit tight and wait like an idiot for his phone call and wonder all along what he'll say. i'll see, but sometimes i am afraid of what he'll say, even though i know it would be best to finish this thing with him and let him get on with his marriage, but some part of me says to not let go, and fight for him. even though it seems he's a cheat and liar ( to his wife) i think that he is worth fighting for, but it's not my fight, i won't get a say in what happens.
secretly i hope he will leave her, but i'd never say that out aloud to him ior anyone else. and if he did, i'd advise him to stay at his parents for some period of time. is that wishfull thinking or what???????????? i'll let you know about the phone call eventually, until then, be strong, keep the faith. xxx
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Latest reply: Jan 25, 2007
being his mistress
Posted Jan 24, 2007
well less than 24 hours after his wife found out, he has phoned me twice saying at first that i should deny everything, then saying that he won't let it be over between me and him. he reminded me that he has never felt this way before and as a father he had to try to fix his marriage, but also saying that frankly he'd been very careless about the whole thing and that maybe he'd wanted her to find out all along! so if it works, ok, and if it doesn't, ok! but no way can he let me go. we've been texting today, he's worried about how i feel, and i'm worried about him, he's asking me to keep the faith and be strong for us both. he has promised his wife that it is over between us. so i'm gonna sit tight and see what happens, nothing else i can do, i really fell in love with the guy i guess. xxx
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Latest reply: Jan 24, 2007
regalpocahontas
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