Lager vs Ale: English pub etiquette
Now as an Englishman, decorum suggests that I should open doors for women, whilst slagging off "the wife" as soon as her wonderfulness has re-introduced itself indoors where it belongs. I should also cook, clean, and earn the money, and yet object to a woman doing any or all of these things... whilst demanding that she does at least two of them. Confusing is the life of a man who can't even call his castle his own because the lovely people in the west wing (the terraced house on the left) are three c***ts. Thats trois contes, for Flaubert fans.
ON TO THE LAGER/ALE PROBLEM
This is one of the quintessential problems of the Englishman which often goes ignored. Lager is basically rubbish in this country, yet it makes one a man to drink it. Real ale is better, but try explaining it to a northern lass and you may as well say
"I'm glad your not cold in that skimpy outfit, but could I possibly borrow your scarf... oh, that's a skirt, is it? Really?" before asking her for her number, and then see how far you get. Trust me I've tried both... neither work too well.
So where's the solution? I don't have a good answer apart from working on your feet. If she orders Strongbow, introduce her to Scrumpy, especially Old Rosie. If she orders Fosters, suggest a Summer Lightning (Hop Back brewery, try it if you haven't). When drinking with men you're not afraid of, buy them something their not expecting, broaden their horizons (and possibly their beer guts). When drinking with men who you know keep swords at home, and often discuss the number of ways you can kill a man in under three seconds... buy what they want. There are times when it's in your best interests not to stand up for what you believe in. At these times, it becomes apparent that what you actually, genuinely, truly believe in is self-preservation. However, any advice on drinking predicaments would be greatly appreciated.
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spiderfred
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