h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Ivan,

How are you doing? It's been 3 weeks since you said hello and welcome to hootoo and now that I am feeling so much more confident I've come to say a proper hello.

I love to see you and Lil dance. It's been a loooonnnnng time since I used my grey matter for anything other than thinking of something different for dinner and juggling swimming classes with the dance run and so to see you two 'dance' inspires me to reawaken old brain cells that have slipped into a coma.

Lil has been really good to me. She has gently taken me by the keyboard and given me advice and guided me around. You are right, this place is vast.

I'm in the UK, as if you hadn't guessed. Have you ever been to the UK? I visited Australia in 1991. I flew into Perth, went down to Fremantle and Rott Nest Island (there are only two hotels there and we chose the wrong one!!) then flew to Sydney, up to Cairns, Hamilton Island, back to Sydney and the Gold Coast was there somewhere on the list but can't remember where. Oh, and Brisbane. Do you appreciate the country that you live in? I love to be outdoors, when I'm not messing about on hootoo.

Look forward to seeing you and Lil take the floor
BillyBob

Hello!

I'm glad you like the dancing. It's one way for me to rid myself of a RL frustration - that I'm hopelessly uncoordinated, and not to be encouraged on a dance floor. Hootoo's good like that... Lil's very kind to let me fling her about, too.

I haven't been to the UK, or any other part of Europe. I'm considering a trip overseas late next year; this might mean the UK, but I'm torn between the UK, Spain, and Madagascar. Ideally, I'd stay in just one or two places and get to know them, with a few side-trips to see a few purely touristy things.

I've only been outside Australia once, and that was 16 years ago... *sigh* That trip was to Ecuador. Of course, with a country this size, there's still scope for long-distance travel anytime I want it. These days I shuttle between Canberra and Adelaide frequently; my family's in Adelaide and my job's in Canberra, which is highly inconvenient. Hurrah for air travel; it takes two days to get from here to Adelaide by road, unless one's completely mad. But yes, it's a great country. My job has taken me to Brisbane, Darwin and Hobart; private life sends me to Sydney once every few months, and Melbourne not nearly as often as I'd like. The best bit was working in Darwin, during the Wet season; thunderstorms at 4pm every day without fail, amazing lightning, and a chance to skive off to Kakadu one weekend...

I do like the outdoors, which is good seeing we have so much of it here, but there's also something to be said for a good armchair, a good book, and chocolate. Besides, the outdoors comes to me - in the form of the kangaroos who have been driven down into the city by drought... They eat my garden, but they look cute and they need the food, so I don't really mind.

See you at the winning post...

Ivan.

Hi Ivan,

How has your week been? You seem to be keeping a low-profile this week. Lil worn you out? Feet sore? Back playing up? Yes, Lil told me all about that

I'm dashing off now for a couple of hours - things to do, places to go, people to see - but see you over the weekend I hope

Oh, I've been here, reading a lot but posting very little. A few things have been going on out there in Real Life, and I'm feeling a bit flat as a result... I just haven't had much to say...

I intend to fix all that over the next couple of days, though.

How have you been?

Back now from some of those things to do, places to go (you know the rest). I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit . Like I said, you were conspicuous by your absence. My Hootoo Life is going from strength to strength. Made some friends, yourself included, contributing here and there ... Real Life, mmmm, on the surface things appear cool but underneath ... like yourself, stuff happening.

I had a great evening last night with a girlfriend of mine. She cooked dinner and I took her onto hootoo and showed her my dabblings. My girlfriend said she wouldn't be able to join in which boosted my confidence no end (long, dull story) because she is far more intelligent and articulate than me! She is also attractive, blonde and can cook really well. The perfect woman in fact.

It has taken me absolutely ages to tap this out because the telephone rang in the middle (twice) so I'm going now but I would love to hootoo with you some more so please feel to drop in for chat and anytime.

Catch you later, BillyBob

You'll probably come to realise that I'm an erratic correspondent; sometimes I have lots to say, and other times I'm just too mentally lazy to string the words together. I'm having one of the lazy periods at the moment. Still, I think we're all entitled to a bit of laziness every now and then. Laziness, and .

You are lucky, I wish someone would cook me dinner. My ex does offer to cook sometimes, but I know that'll involve tofu and I think life's too short for tofu...

My girlfriend is divorced with two boys and her ex is a particularly nasty piece of work vilified (I know I haven't spelt that right) by all that knew them as a couple and sometimes I give her the evening off and she does the same for me. Unfortunately, most of my girlfriends are single parent families which makes me really sad.

I think that you are lucky that you and your ex are able to be civil enough to each other that she would want to cook dinner for you. However, is always a good substitute and highly recommended. I do hope that you are feeling perkier soon

Oh yes, I've been very lucky with the ex. There was some hard w*rk involved in changing the relationship, but it's been worth it - it's nearly 5 years since we split up, and we're closer now than we were then, I reckon.

I should probably correct the pronoun at this point - delete 'she' and insert 'he' . After a series of two-timing b*st*rds, I finally found someone who was worth the trouble, and it all fell apart for reasons beyond anyone's control. But never mind - it's the friendship and companionship that matter in the long run.

On the single-parent matter - I get annoyed by people who say that a child *must* have two parents... My grandmother brought up my mother alone, and I'd say Mum turned out quite well...

Ooops! Sorry for the presumption. My daughters' god-daddy did have a 'he' for a significant other so I think that is a pretty good indication that I'm OK with that kind of relationship. At the end the day, I think that the majority of us just want to feel loved, secure, needed, wanted. Someone special to do ordinary things with, have a laugh with, have a cuddle with, have a cry with. I really admire people, like yourself, who went through the hoop of fire and eventually came out unscathed. I have two girlfriends, both with children, that I would do anything for because they were so brave.

I agree about the two parents bit as well. Logistics of modern day living does make it hard on a single parent. Gone are the days when children went out on their bikes over the park with all of their friends. Now, children are ferried around from one organised activity to another because their freedom has been curtailed, well, that's the case here anyway.

I have to go now and I won't be hootooing for a couple of days but I hope that stuff lightens up for you, Ivan. Feel free to leave me any random stuff, heavy or light.

Here, from me to you BillyBob

Thanks for the - it's one of my favourite things, and it can fix any problem. (Actually, plastic bags can fix anything, according to a quote I saw once from Tom Stoppard: 'No problem is insoluble, given a large enough plastic bag'.)

It's been raining heavily here for the last 24 hours, and it feels good. We haven't had decent rain for a couple of years... I've been standing in it whenever I've had a chance, enjoying the novelty of it all. Yes, I am easily amused.

Don't worry about the presumption. Everyone does that. And yes, at the end of the day one person just needs to be needed by another, and gender is irrelevant - or at least it should be.

Ivan.

Mmmm, I love too but a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, so I try to avoid it totally now otherwise I can't stop choccing. There was a time when took preference over . I wasn't a slosh but I was extremely sad. I don't so much now and one doesn't automatically lead to another like a piece of does.

I've not long been back from my parents. The girls and I did a car boot sale and we off loaded so much stuff for quite a bit of dosh. It was great to see the girls in charge of their own stall and reaping the benefit of a huge clearout. It was their first one so Daddy and I put them between us to keep a watchful eye and they were great! They are in bed now.

I can't imagine what it is like not to rain for so long. A bit like you can't imagine what it is like not to have decent weather for so long. But like the song says 'the best things in life are free' (Luther Vandross and Janet Jackson). I once told a girlfriend that if s*x were a desert I'd be in the Gobi so enjoy the rain while you can because you don't know when you will get the chance again!

If the doesn't touch the lips on the way down, does it still make it to the hips?

I'm a bit glum again this evening - everything I've w*rked on over the last 6 months has turned out to be unnecessary. Immaculately presented, everyone agreed, but unnecessary... I don't care all that much that the thing's been scrapped; it's the fact that I forecast it 6 months ago and nobody believed me... Maybe they'll listen next time.

Dar Ivan,

I'm sorryh to shear that y0u don't feel any better today. What a shame about your presentatuioh. Please forgive my typose byt if you lukr in my messages an look at Awwqqqqqwwwwww you ,might undrstnad and forgive the typing. Wjhen I first waw you and Lil dancing I was instantly drawn to you as a farway friend and a I sit here, tup[9ong indiscriately at my keyboard, Iknow you feel for me. Has it stopped rianing ret? I'm so sorry. Tpmorrow I know that I wil feel allot beter. Feee.ing more for ou than me, BB

So sorry about that previous emotional outpouring It is 01.11 now and normal service has been resumed out of the car crash of emotions that I call my life.

Eldest is asleep after the best birthday party here. I'm sorry, I don't know what line of business you are in. How frustrating for you that nobody was listening six months ago. What happens now?

Hips or lips, have some birthday (not I'm afraid, but yummy just the same)

Goodness, you did have a big night, didn't you? If you feel the urge to get anything off your chest, this is a good place to do it... I have, on occasion.

As for w*rk - well, I'm a public servant; more specifically, I design fraud detection systems for the main federal government welfare agency. The fact that one project's fallen in a heap doesn't affect my career or anything like that; we can't take future changes of policy into account when planning things... Also, my opinion counts for nothing in the face of government policy. I have plenty of other things to be going on with, and anything could happen as there's an election in 6 weeks' time.

Thanks for the .

Wow! Does that mean you design systems to catch people swindling the benefit system? You probably don't do anything of the sort but that's what it sounded like to me. I used to type things in a bank (believe it or not after last night's little display!) in a previous life.

Forget the previous life, what a previous night I don't have hangover but my neck jolly well hurts this morning. I jumped into bed with the birthday girl last night and slept awkwardly.

I have to be somewhere in an hour's time so I'd better make a move.

Catch up later (sorry for the ramblings!)

There's nothing wrong with rambling; it's one of the things I do best!

And yes, I'm one of the people who design systems to catch welfare cheats. I'm not entirely convinced that this is entirely ethical, considering the welfare system as a whole and the direction the present government has taken it, but that's a discussion for another day. I am looking for another job, and have been for a while now...

How's your neck? Sleeping badly and ending up with a dodgy neck is one of my least favourite things, and it happens so often.

Are you looking for a career change or anything that just pays money for you to enjoy stuff that you want to do? What do you like to do when you are not hootooing and standing in the rain?

Actually, the neck really bl**dy hurts! It goes all the way down my back as well. Birthday girl is nearly as tall as me (and that's not hard) but we are just too big to sleep together in her single bed now. Especially as Eldest likes to sleep like a starfish! We have had a quite day at home in the sunshine. My Daddy came over to help me do things in the loft that I couldn't do myself, like hoike up there and lay down two spare doors over the rafters so things could be stored properly, and we had sandwiches and more birthday in the garden. There is some left in the fridge but I don't want to end up like I did last night and my eyes out again!

I'm not sure if I want a total career change, or just a job in the same field that's focussed on helping people rather than the reverse. This requires some serious thought sometime, but at the moment I think that anything would be better than what I'm doing right now...

When I'm not on hootoo, I'm usually reading, or gardening, or hanging out in bars. I also do a fair amount of travelling; some of it's for w*rk, but other times it'll be a quick weekend in Sydney (3 hours up the road), or a trip to Adelaide, which is 'home' for me. Adelaide's 1300km away, so it's a bit of an ordeal if I don't have time for a long stay. I don't get to spend nearly enough time there these days.

What sort of is it? And how's your neck/back today?

Do you sit at a computer and write programmes to catch the cheats? In my previous life, my last job, the one that I really, really liked, I ran the Word Processing Department in the Corporate Finance Department for an American Bank. As well as being a fast, accurate typist (the other night's display to be ignored) presentation and detail were important. I knew my word processing package inside-out. I could make that machine sit and beg (I was once told).

I like to read too. I'm reading 'America's Queen' at the moment, all about Jackie Kennedy. I like to garden but I only dabble, you know the kind of stuff - obvious weeds that have to go, cutting the grass, tidying the garden furniture, feeding the fish .... And I used to like hanging out in bars in my previous life. In fact, I think it was a compulsory requirement of working in the City. I like to play tennis, although I really can't play at all. Just getting the ball back across the net is a point on my scorecard. I like to swim and the other week swam for the first time 500m front crawl non-stop. Not Ian Thorpe stuff I know but I was pleased. I used to run everyday in my previous life and I am trying to get back into it but it isn't the same. Mind you, I'm have to run with 8lbs extra since those days.

As for the neck/back ...... it has eased off but it still aches as opposed to hurting and I'm having to telephone the dentist today for something going on at the back that came on over night.

Eldest started senior school today! Youngest and I dropped her off and stayed in the playground until she saw somebody she knew. Eldest is confident with an easy manner and friendly smile so she will be fine. But even so, what a day in life's calendar of growing-up.