Journal Entries
late night loneliness
Posted Dec 17, 2003
Hi folks, I`m just writing this becaecause i`ve been on the last 3 nights around 2am and just can`t find anyone to talk to and cant get who`s online to work for some reason. So people please come me say hello day or night. I WANT some new friends please.
God, i`m begging now, must be getting desperate lol 
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Latest reply: Dec 17, 2003
:-)
Posted Nov 29, 2003
well things have been going great the last few days, my moods have remained the same, happy and smiley yeahhhh.
i think this is due to the fact i went and did my christmas shopping, i love buying gifts for the people i love. SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN.
Also me and david have been getting on GREAT, when im happy hes happy and all that.
anyway i just wanted to show that im not always a miserable nutcase, im off now spk later carriexx
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Latest reply: Nov 29, 2003
just getting a few things off my chest
Posted Nov 25, 2003
c
ant think of a subject matter, i just wanna babble on really. well lately ive been in a bit of a tangle, i stopped drinking for 9 WHOLE weeks, then didnt think it through and went and got drunk, dont entirely remember what happened, as i started getting drunk i realised i was gs getting very weepy, which in turn as usual lead to me shouting and screaming at david abiut everything and anything, then apparently i went in the bathroom and cut my leg up rather badly, then i remember going to sit on the park, the next thing i remember after that is some policeman stood at the side of my bed asking me where the razor was, now ive been self harming for about a year and a half now, but i slowly started sobering up, realising something was wrong i really didnt know what, then i saw that i had blood allover my bed, this time i thought id really gone and done it. blood was pouring from my wrist i wasnt really bothered that much i just wanted to go to sleep. the police came because there was no ambulance available, they said someone would come soon to take me to hospital, well anyway the police went and i tried to go back to sleep, didnt get chance, ambulance came and i was away to hospital which is when i had all the guilty feelings what if someone was hurt by accident and needed this ambulance, they kept trying to tell me i was as as worthy of there help as anyone is , i dont get that, i did this to myself purposely why do i deserve there help and kindness. anyway after 6 hours and a few stitches i was back home again happy as larry, usually the ce case with me, cutting myself seems to cheer me up alot, how sick does that sound eh? anyway that was a week ago ive been my usual self since, laughing then crying, screaming,shouting thethen dancing round the house, i really wanted to cut myself yesterday but i couldnt bear to see the pain and fear in davids eyes, not just that he gets very angry also i cant get it through to him that i cut myself if i was trying to hurt him id be cutting him, he demands answers i havent got, all the time he asks why? i dont know so how can i tell him but that man loves me SO MUCH. so instead of cutting yesterday i did a lot of crying abit of breaking stuff went out 3 times and came straight back in, got in bath, got straight back out i didnt know what to do and the only thing i did want to do would come with davids unhapiness, my happiness versus his, he won hands down. well right now i dont feel like cutting or do i? im not really sure i got the he tight chest, anger feelings which are relieved by cutting myself but what do i need more? david or my blood? u know the answer as well as i do. anyway not sure if anyone else will read this but i like to look back at how i was thinking and feeling when i was writing things such as my diary. well if anyone does stumble across this and reads it THANKS for listening. david should be home in about an hour, theres always something to look forward to. talk to to you soon, love carrie xxx
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Latest reply: Nov 25, 2003
?
Posted Nov 19, 2003
well im still around h2g2 and im still getting everything to work ok so far. seems to be loads of friendly ppl around but im just not that good at starting conversations, maybe i come out of my shell soon eh? lol
neways im feeling ok after my trip to the hospital sunday night, im off the drink for good now, its ruined enough of my life. got nowt else to say at at mo so i will be off got a day with mother in law tomorrow great
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Latest reply: Nov 19, 2003
missbetts
Researcher U525025
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