h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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ant think of a subject matter, i just wanna babble on really. well lately ive been in a bit of a tangle, i stopped drinking for 9 WHOLE weeks, then didnt think it through and went and got drunk, dont entirely remember what happened, as i started getting drunk i realised i was gs getting very weepy, which in turn as usual lead to me shouting and screaming at david abiut everything and anything, then apparently i went in the bathroom and cut my leg up rather badly, then i remember going to sit on the park, the next thing i remember after that is some policeman stood at the side of my bed asking me where the razor was, now ive been self harming for about a year and a half now, but i slowly started sobering up, realising something was wrong i really didnt know what, then i saw that i had blood allover my bed, this time i thought id really gone and done it. blood was pouring from my wrist i wasnt really bothered that much i just wanted to go to sleep. the police came because there was no ambulance available, they said someone would come soon to take me to hospital, well anyway the police went and i tried to go back to sleep, didnt get chance, ambulance came and i was away to hospital which is when i had all the guilty feelings what if someone was hurt by accident and needed this ambulance, they kept trying to tell me i was as as worthy of there help as anyone is , i dont get that, i did this to myself purposely why do i deserve there help and kindness. anyway after 6 hours and a few stitches i was back home again happy as larry, usually the ce case with me, cutting myself seems to cheer me up alot, how sick does that sound eh? anyway that was a week ago ive been my usual self since, laughing then crying, screaming,shouting thethen dancing round the house, i really wanted to cut myself yesterday but i couldnt bear to see the pain and fear in davids eyes, not just that he gets very angry also i cant get it through to him that i cut myself if i was trying to hurt him id be cutting him, he demands answers i havent got, all the time he asks why? i dont know so how can i tell him but that man loves me SO MUCH. so instead of cutting yesterday i did a lot of crying abit of breaking stuff went out 3 times and came straight back in, got in bath, got straight back out i didnt know what to do and the only thing i did want to do would come with davids unhapiness, my happiness versus his, he won hands down. well right now i dont feel like cutting or do i? im not really sure i got the he tight chest, anger feelings which are relieved by cutting myself but what do i need more? david or my blood? u know the answer as well as i do. anyway not sure if anyone else will read this but i like to look back at how i was thinking and feeling when i was writing things such as my diary. well if anyone does stumble across this and reads it THANKS for listening. david should be home in about an hour, theres always something to look forward to. talk to to you soon, love carrie xxx

Hi Carrie,


Sorry your feeling down, I kind of know about mood stuff myself!
You maybe should look at some of the groups in places like MSN or Yahoo etc, I'm sure you will find a whole load of support around.

Alternatively, you can email me, I'm always up for a chat.
Perhaps we can cry in to our tea cups together over emails?
Beleive me i've had mood swings, drinking etc and all kind of hang ups down to an art form for years!!! LOL

I'm just another screwed up oddball really.

But dont be alone, there is always a shoulder to cry on.

Mark

hi Mark
glad ro hear im not the only screwball around then lol
i dont know about msn and yahoo as im on digibox but im not usually that good at talking about my problems anyway just wanted a rant yesterday anyway.
but it looks like maybe we boe both might have found someone to talk to so thanks for what you said, and get in touch soon and tes we can both cry together,
hope to speak to you soon
carrie xxx

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