Journal Entries
Grr!
Posted Dec 14, 2003
I was having a really good weekend for once - to end a really good week too. Well, good for me anyway. Nothing major got worse, so that's about as good as it ever gets, for me.
Right up until a fault occured while copying my flatmate's MP3s across the network onto my computer.
And of course I didn't just lose the files I was transferring, or the connection to the server.
Oh no, not me.
I lost the subnet.
The entire f*cking subnet is now bung. My computer now won't even recognise that it /has/ a network adaptor. BUT, it recognises enough that it doesn't register a fault, so it wouldn't let me reinstall the network adaptor drivers. So I tried uninstalling the existing drivers, one at a time. Every single one of them froze the computer either just before or just after they uninstalled.
I have now reinstalled various network adaptor drivers, off both the OS CD and the motherboard driver CD, a total of eight times. Nothing is working. Unless my flatmate has any other options, I'm going to get home from work and reinstall windows. Or more likely, sit with a bung computer until I manage to track down a decent copy of Debian Linux. I'm so sick of Microsoft bloatware rubbish.
Mind you, it's caused some interesting effects in my network connections: For a while my network status was "Connected and secure", and the Network adaptors were "working perfectly", yet my packet movement was nill in both directions and my pings to my flatmates computers were going nowhere. So I tried pinging the hub instead. No response. So I tried a broadcast ping. No response again, which was weird - I should have had a response from myself, at least. So I tried pinging myself. Nothing. At this point I'm scratching my head, because not being able to ping myself is like talking with no mouth.
After a couple of attempts at reinstalling the drivers, I've made progress: I can now access the internet. But I still can't ping anything on the LAN, including myself. Which is even stranger, because that's like being able to leave your bedroom and go explore the rest of the world, without knowing where the bedroom door, the lounge, or the front door are. Or being able to move, come to think of it - I just realised that at that point I had uninstalled the DNS protocol drivers too.
I hate microsoft. I want them to burn.
I think what I need right now is to go home; draw a nice, long, hot bath; and smack myself in the head with a brick.
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Latest reply: Dec 14, 2003
Yep there's a subject here somewhere.
Posted Dec 11, 2003
I'm... pretty good at the moment. Apart from issues with people paying me on time (Grr!) this week has gone pretty well.
I discovered this evening that I had a drinking problem, so I bought some Chartreuse (green) and voila! No more problem!
I've pretty much been a wage slave this week, and so haven't done anything else much. I'd be more comfortable with this concept if I was getting paid a reasonable amount, but at least I can pay my bills.
Watched the Underworld movie. It was crap, but I enjoyed it anyway; probably more to do with the group I went with than anything else.
Got the DVD drive working again! Bonus!
So I watched the extended DVD of the Two Towers for the first time. Dear god I love those movies.
Currently listening to: Johnny Mandel - Suicide is painless.
Oh, and I just submitted the Entry of "Lyrics I Like."
And for the record, I still need to get laid sometime in the next month or two, but I don't think it's going to happen.
And I'm still not convinced that there's a chance I can ever again feel either 'Stable' or 'Happy'. I'm just too screwed up. Pity.
Dear Santa, for christmas I want to be with my family. And I don't mean with those people I grew up with; I mean Chucky and Kristine and Ambrese. But Chucky and I are both working, and Kris is about 700km away and staying there, and Ambrese is about 30,000km away. So I lose.
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Latest reply: Dec 11, 2003
:(
Posted Dec 10, 2003
Hey this is pathetic. I've been gone four days and not a single one of the conversations I've been following has had a new posting. Not a one. Sucks to be me...
Discuss this Journal entry [13]
Latest reply: Dec 10, 2003
My day (or two)
Posted Nov 28, 2003
Well first off: I need a weekend. Soon. I forget when my last day off was, but I think it was last tuesday (it's now friday). I'm working tomorrow, and I'm working monday, and tues, wed, thur, fri, and sat. I got asked to do a shift this sunday, but said no. They looked surprised; they're not used to me saying no. The last time I had more than one day off in a row, or more than one day off in less than eight days, was when I went up to hamilton in labour weekend, october 20th to 25th, three weeks ago - although it seems like twice that now.
And I got an e-mail from Ambrese yesterday, giving the address of her Blog page, where she mentioned Ruth and I, and how much she missed us. Among other things.
I'd forgotten how much sense she always made, and how much she helped enlighten me. I have to get out of this f*cken country.
I'm losing motivation almost by the minute. I have countless unfinished projects, that got simpler and simpler as time went on, in an effort to get one completed and help me feel less useless. I know it sounds pathetic, but it was supposed to make me feel better about myself, and build be up to better and more motivating things. But every time I try one, I hit an obstacle that it doesn't seem worth the effort of conquering, and I get depressed, and I get lethargic, and I put it aside and feel even worse.
At least I don't have large corporations threatning me with legal action if I don't pay them money I never owed in the first place.
Oh. Except for WINZ, who reckon I owe them over $1700. F*ck. I forgot about that.
I need a hug. Or a good 
. Or both.
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Nov 28, 2003
Still waiting...
Posted Nov 22, 2003
I want a phone line! 
I'm getting kinda sick of not having one. And almost as sick of not having internet at home. At least I can use the net at work (well I'm not supposed to, but meh.) and I have heaps of money on my cell at the moment (thanks vodafone promotions! )
Actually I'm mostly in a good mood at the moment... I'm sleeping /really/ well in the new flat. I'm enjoying the company of the flatmates (for as long as I can stand the mess they make.) and I'm /really/ enjoying being so close to the centre of the city. The people in the bakery (three minutes walk away!) are getting to know us really well, and in fact Chucky and I are thinking about finding some well-worn flannelette robes and some fluffy pink bunny slippers to wear down there for breakfast one day...
But there's still a niggling feeling in the back of my mind... that hollow, familiar feeling of discontentment which has been a splinter in my life for so long that it feels like a part of me. Maybe it still has something to do with what I spend my days doing. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my job, but it's still not what I want to be doing in ten years. Or five. Or one. Or a week, I guess. And I'm still no closer to being able to do what I want to do, or go where I want to go.
And I'm scared that this feeling isn't something that will go away. I know that it's usual for most people to spend their lives with a sense of lost purpose; an itch they can't scratch. And I don't want to be one of them. I'd much rather be one of these enlightened buggers who walk through life serenly, surrounded by a halo of light. Although a halo of naked women would be much preferable, I would think...
On a similar note, it seems Chucky has decided to be celibate for an unknown period of time... including the effects of self-mutilation. He's certainly become more peaceful since he's started shunning the b*llshit peddling women that have been annoying him. But he's now more aware of his discontent, and his boredom. So I'm not sure if it was a good idea or not. He starts a new job on monday, and he's intending to go nuts (ie 90+ hours a week) so I hope that helps him.
Unless it makes me worse for not seeing him. 
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Nov 22, 2003
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Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.
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