h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just thought I would say hello, you know, from one Viking to another...

...even thought you sound like you might be a beserker, and I, obviously, am not.

But at least I can say my name properly now

Cheers

tanzen
(aka Kaðlín Goatpuncher )

Aha! WasHael midas Freuderin!

What I want to know is: what did the goat ever do to you?

I have no idea what you just said

And just for the record, I prefer to think of it as "goat that punches" or "punches like a goat" .

I'm a Capricorn, born in the year of the goat...

(and a vegetarian)

...trust me, the last thing I would ever hurt in the world (after my delightful family and friends ) is a goat

But I thought it best to stay on *your* good side...I'm not really in the mood to be crushed these days

English translation: Hello, my friend!

Ah, "Punches like a goat". I see... wait. no I don't. goats don't punch!!? How can you punch like a goat? Kick, yes, I can see that, but punch?!

Yay capricorns! I like capricorns.
Not so much vegetarians... A1960896

Don't worry, I'm not in the mood to be crushing, either.

I figured friend from my *extremely* poor experience with German, but I didn't want to be presumptuous

I imagine the best way to punch like a goat would be to grow hooves...I don't know how practical it is though...

And of course the advantage of being goaty but still people is that I can perfect the art of punching like a goat...in the future, it is my aim to make it so, when future generations ask "How can you punch like a goat", others will answer "like tanzen"

Well I've never met a Capricorn I didn't like, not that I know that many of them...

...and as for vegetarians...I am one purely because of my severe distrust and, yay, hatred, of all vegetables, grotty little dirt-dwellers ! I eat them out of spite, because they do not deserve anything better than to die...slowly and painfully...at my hand...

Wow...now *I'm* in the mood to crush...maybe some garlic

Hmm... I'd pay money to see someone with hooves... I'd pay more to watch them try to tie their shoelaces!

To punch like Tanzen... would that mean you'd have to change your name to Kaðlín Tanzenpuncher? And then people would ask you what the poor Tanzen ever did to you... and then... hang on.

I dont think I've ever met a capricorn I didn't like, either. My best friend for ten years is a capricorn, and the ex-gf I most liked is a capricorn... so are most of my closest friends... capricorns rock!

What did the vegetables ever do to you?!! Oh, the humanity! Won't somebody think of the baby carrots?!

mmmgarlic.

How much money would you pay? Enough for an operation so that I could get hooves? I wear steelie boots, which don't have laces...although I imagine a lack of fingers would make it exceptionally hard to maintain my vices, like drinking, smoking, playing pool, typing, writing...

...hmm...on second thoughts, amybe I'll just stick with my clumsy stubby hands

Well, at this point in time, to punch like tanzen would involve avoiding punching anyone...which usually involves an and calling boys nasty names...oh well, if it works it works, right

I don't really know a lot of Capricorns, I have two cousins, and one friend (in Wales )...I seem to surround myself with Aquarians...which must make me a self hating Capricorn (which is kind of redundant really )

Vegetables are the bane of my existence...well, with the exception of the sun...after the sun, the vegetables...sometimes just for fun I hunt down and kill my own vegetables...just pluck them out of the earth like the scourge that they are...

Anyway, all of this talk of food is making me hungry, and lo and behold it's lunchtime for little tanzens

I shall return, I daresay before my absence is felt

Hmm... at the moment, I'm just a broke student, so I can afford... um. twenty cents. Wait, no! I found another five cents! Twentyfive cents?

If it works it works.... yeah I guess, whatever blows your hair back.

Just because you don't hang out with Capricorns doesn't mean you don't like them!? I don't hang out with other Leos, usually; too much of a personality clash. Doesn't mean I don't like them, though. My last gf was a Leo.

How are vegetables a scourge? poor poor vegetables.

mmmlunch.

And yes, you seem to still be online, even though it's taken me almost half an hour to get back to this conversation....

I have a feeling such an operation woul be slightly more expensive than 25 cents, but I'm sure I could get a guy to do it on the cheap ...one of the advantages of having friends in low places, you see

Well with the weather the way it is here, the wind is blowing my hair back...now I have a mess of brown and red frizz ...the wind, another mortal enemy of mine...

(yes the world is running against me )

I don't hang out with capricorns because they never seem to cross my path...all the Caps I've met have been absolutely delightful though...oh well, I take comfort in the fact that at least my friends have a funky capricorn mate

Vegetables are evil...they clog up the fields, they...oh, I give up...

lol!

If it's any consolation, the wind over here has aspirations of being a tropical cyclone when it grows up, too.
For some reason the wind always seems to be behind me, to throw my hair into my face. Why is that?

If it's not snooping too much, whereabouts are you ??

(feel free to tell me to buzz off, I will fly away like a bee )

I know what you mean about the wind...it always seems to blow in a direction that will have me looking like a cavewoman by the time I get back to work...now I have to wear it up most of the time...which just means I have a halo of frizz above my plait

And to add insult to injury, there's a very real danger for girls with long skirts in the wind

I'm in New Zealand. South Pacific. ->

It's not just the /girls/ in long skirts who are in danger from the wind...

So where are you?

Ahhh, you're just over the road from me then

(I shoulda guessed by your greeting on your PS )

I'm in beautiful Melbourne Australia...Melbourne...beautiful one moment, pi$$ing down rain the next

Yes, I know you're right...anyone in any kind of skirt is in danger on a windy day...but seeing as I live in long skirts (I have one pair of pants...I don't wear them unless I run out of clothes )...I think I have a real problem...

...how practical is it sewing weights into the bottom of a velevt skirt ?

Hmm... my friend's flying over from Melbourne next week. I wonder if I can convince her to kidnap you and squeeze you into her luggage?

At least you're warmer over there than we are...

I'm sure some kind of weights could work, as long as the stitching's tight so they don't fall out, and you don't get bruised shins...

That's all we need, another in' Kiwi

As tempting as it sounds, it's hardly practical...not only would I have extreme difficulty squeezing into anyone's luggage...I don't know how long I could be away from my pub

Is it very cold over there? I prefer the cold anyway...you get to rug up, drink more and everyone nearby...

...oh, did I mention I'm at least three different kinds of ?



I may have to experiment with weights then The main problems will be trying to maintain flow and not having the skirt fall down

On second thoughts, maybe I should just leave it

So what are you studying then ?

We have pubs here, too. But they're not so good.

It is cold at the moment; We've had a cold front coming up the country from antarctica the last couple of days and as soon as everyone breathed a sigh of relief that it was gone it turned around and came back again!
Snow down to sea level, further south. High of four degrees in Christchurch, and snow down to 800 metres in Auckland.
I seem to be missing the worst of it here in Hamilton, although I've been inside since this morning so we'll see how bad it is when I leave.

I like being wrapped up warm with the cold being outside, but even so I still get sick of it.

Try the weights, if you can find something suitable. Maybe corset boneing in the seams? If it's all the way around the flow shouldn't be too bad, and if the skirt falls down even better!

I'm studying Artificial Intelligence. Currently doing the assignment at: http://www.cs.waikato.ac.nz/~bernhard/317/ass2.txt

Well, wherever there are pubs there are happy little tanzens...but I'm very committed to my pub now...6 years and still going strong...

The advantage of being a regular is that I'm , everyone knows I'm and they've just gotten used to it ...and not only that, if other types drift into the pub, they have someone to look after them

That's me...mother to the lost souls at the pub

Well, I can only talk about certain degrees of cold...it can get pretty chilly here, but I've never actually seen snow...ever...so whether or not it's a cold I could deal with is a question I can't answer...

...here...have a on me

I may try a few experiments with my skirts...the main problem is I have no dressmaking skills whatssoever, and my sewing is mainly basic maintenance...apart from which corset boneing may a)be a little pricey and b) give the impression of a hoop, which will make sitting on the tram all the more difficult

Hmm. Fair enough!

What's your favourite alcohol? And what are you up to at the moment? I think I caught you saying that horrible "w" word not too long ago...

is cool. I like . I'm used to it.

Mmm...lost pub souls. Tasty.

Yeah it's pretty cold, even for NZ, but I've seen worse. Of course, I live in a city built on a river running through a swamp running through a floodplain, so I'm used to it being cold and damp and windy.

I try to pretend I have no dressmaking skills, which is almost true anyway, but I figure any kind of weights could just go in a little 'pocket' like a seam... um. like the edging of a material, where it's always doubled over and there's about an inch of overlap? Yeah, in there would be a good place for weights. It would help if I could remember proper terms for things...

Yay! A !

Well, as far as alcohol goes, I suppose I'm a beer girl...or stout...or scotch...or whiskey...

(Oh aye, I'm pub scum through and through these days )

Yeah, I'm a big fan of as well...to be honest "normal" people tend to scare the sh!t outta me...I mean, I've tried to reconcile myself to them these days...and I know there have got to be some people that are *happy* with looking, acting and dressing like everyone else...the on the other hand irk me no end...

...So I have come to accept that it is my job to be the token freak, slowly gathering minions and the like. The bottom line for me is that I've always been to normal for the freaks and too much of a freak for the normal folk. So these days I make my own rules

Oh, and I definitely agree with you on the lost pub souls...something about new flesh...

I wish I had dressmaking skills...unfortunately anything that relies on coordination and balance is pretty much buggered with me...I have all the grace of a hippo possessed

Cool! Be yourself, I say. Just like everyone else...

"...all the grace of a hippo possessed"?? Well, I suppose at least you don't have "all the tact of a gila lizard with tourett's."

...and you still haven't told me what you're up to today. Are you wrking?