h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

***ViveAnn wrote a long message***

Read this if you wish to.

The following, in sum, is a challenge put to you by ME/or the h2g2er calling herself ViveAnn. Will you care to play a game of chess? ViveAnn needs the exercise --the training experience, the good-workout-- and you seem like the god who will humour this request queried by this Canadian Caucasian 24 year-old human female with a monstrous ego.

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Proceed to read the entire message, or stop because you don't to read the rambling details and think about the issued challenged, or ignore it. If you ignore MY challenge, then I will know by your long-term silence or by your brave reply telling me "no". If you deny me, ...I will then walk away and look for a willing person to engage in a duel.
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Reason Number 1 why this ghost in the machine is talking to you:

You do not initate conversations and so I, this h2g2er named ViveAnn, decided to message you. I discovered your presence while I was sailing through h2g2. I can tell you the wonderful story of my sailing adventure, but my asshole second personality named Serenity vetos that move [although Serenity is ostentatiously mean, she does keep the rest of ViveAnn well and sane].

You are GB? And you call yourself a god? Hmmm, rigghhttt. Also, you are mean to everyone? Do you also like to play chess?

Do you want to fight? I intend to be nice to everyone. But since you expect assholes to be the world's population, I say to this, "Marvelous, Heh heh heh, an optimist cynic. He expects a fight, although he philosophically hopes for a good peace amongst people." Well, if I were to be nice to you, you would simply waste my effort. So I challenge you to a fight because you merit me the opportunity. I challenge you to a duel of you, a God, versing myself, a human Caucasian 24 year-old female Canadian who has a monstrous ego and is discreet as an asshole.

I am challenging you to a chess duel, and if you win, I will accept defeat but will challenge you again. If I win, I will also play you again if you wish to. 3 games out of 5 determines who wins the overall duel.

Now, according to the rules of a duel, I am merited to challenge you because you have offended me by some reason. The reason that I choose as my premise for this declaration is that you offend me with your presence. Now, I don't hate you, but I use the word "offend" to mean that your stance merits me an opportunity to exercise, to get fighting experience/a good workout, while in a chess duel with you. But since you probably are wary of me (*curves a smile*), I expect that you won't want to commit yourself to a challenge issued by a variable/issued from myself, a factor in the universe, which also affects and changes the universe because I choose to.

Well, I am really nice. You are nice too. Hmmm, too bad that you automatically set factors/mostly people (except what you are god of) in the position of being against you. And so, I choose to accept that position and I will enjoy it! However, if you choose to ignore my message, I then will have to chance upon someone else who will choose to play a wicked game of chess with me.

Sorry, I didn't catch that, could you say it again.

Who are you and how did you find your way here? Are you stalking me, as I've had a bad experiance with stalkers in the past.

Anyway, a game of chess? How exactly?

Hello

Thank you for your response. Well, I didn't expect that you would ask me if I am a stalker. I was thinking about what your response could be, and this answer of yours seems to be nice in your own way.

I am not a stalker. I found your h2g2 presence because ...well, here is the story... I first looked into a friend's post, and then the following sequence of events happened:

1) Lil Old Me wrote about how her friend Jack was sick, and she had posted a weblink to his journal for people to read.

2) So I went to Jack's journal, and then I saw the Masters of the Multi-Verse weblinks above his journal.

3) I wondered, "What are Masters of the Multi-Verse? And what is their purpose?".

4) I did a lot of reading, and I was continually confused. But then, I read the Terranic Army's mission purpose. I didn't agree with their purpose and they also seemed like the BORG to me from Star Trek (yep, I am a Star Trek fan), and so I stopped eyeing their headquarters and I then left their spot in h2g2.

5) Finally, I understood the mission purpose of Masters of the Multi-Verse. But, I didn't want to sign up (yet still keep my individuality) and go to war in h2g2. However...

6) I looked into Masters of the Multi-Verse Pirateship. I was pleasantly DECEIVED by the headline news tag. I saw, "At the Pirateship, we heard that ViveAnn really rocks!" and then I thought "Wow, Lil Old Me must have told the Pirateship about me ." However, my skeptical doubt arose from the back of my mind to the fore. And so, I then did an experiment, BUT ONLY AFTER I happily messaged Fish Freak asking her if I could join the crew. After I messaged Fish Freak, I did my experiment and I discovered that the same was said in the headline news tag about an unknown browser, which was the following: "At the Pirateship, we heard that Unknown User really rocks!" Well, I felt foolish, however, I still thought that joining the crew (if I was granted permission to come abroad) would be fun to do.

7) I then read through the crew list to see what lot I would have to get along with once, and if, I was granted permission to join the crew of the Masters of the Multi-Verse Pirateship. I saw that you called yourself GodBen, and I wondered why. I read your conversation with Fish Freak, and I then came to the conclusion that I couldn't be like her and be nice to you. So instead, I decided to challenge you to a game of chess because I've been looking for a chess opponent for some time. I reasoned that since I need the gaming exercise, GODBEN looks like person who isn't a pushover and who would give me an ultimate good workout.

Well, you have read all seven events (well, I told the story in seven steps) of how I discovered and acknowledged your h2g2 presence.

You can know more about me by checking out my guide entries and by reading through my logical yet maniac journal. Unlike you, I don't have two invented personalities with you included to make three , but I do have one invented asshole fighter personality named Serenity.

To keep this message short, I will propose how to set a time and a place to have the chess duel (if you are, , interested) in another message.

I would like to play a game of online chess with you. Why? I discovered your h2g2 presence and I read that you call yourself a God (but a god of ducks, enunchs, and car dealerships), and so I decided to see how a god would play a game of chess with a Caucasian Canadian 24-year-old girl who has a monstrous ego . I am wondering if you are willing to humour me. I thought that you would be needing the exercise.

Don't be suspicious of me, but read my h2g2 guide entries and journal to know me. Granted, I have deliberately expressed insanity in my guide entries, but that is an expression of a lovely quirk in my individuality. My intention is simple: You can take up an opportunity to play online chess or not. You probably won't.

Just read what I last written, so that you will understand how I found your h2g2 presence and WHY I want to play a duel of chess with you after DISCOVERING your h2g2 presence.

I am signed up at http://217.199.179.4//chessclubs/asplogin.asp to play online chess with anyone who is willing and able.

If you choose to play me in a chess duel, go to the ABOVE website link, and sign up. The membership is for free, there are no signing of contracts in which you will sign away your privacy (you will not be subject to spam NOR Internet gremlins ) nor will you give up your soul by joining the chess membership there. The only way that I can play you is for you to be a member of the aforementioned website or at http://217.199.179.4//chessclubs/asplogin.asp

If you choose to sign up, you can call yourself Godben and fill out the free membership form. As a member, other people will see your presence and they can also play you, but you can choose whether or not you want to accept their invitation to play a game of chess.

IF YOU DO become a member and you do choose to have your nickname as Godben (but the nickname doesn't matter), then you can do a search for my member presence by doing the following:

1) You see and go to the header bar of the main page, and then you see the *Opponents* option box.

2) You click the *Opponents* option box, and then you see *Nickname Search*. Press *Nickname Search*.

3) In the search bar, type in Zosime (which is my chess member nickname), and you will then find me. You can then issue me an invitation once you are there at my chess web presence.

At the website, you will be able to play EMAIL CHESS. The chess game is realtime but also you can leave the game and come back to it within a 7 day period. You can make a move, the sign off, be gone (as example) for 3 HOURS, and then come back and continue the game. I can do the same, and the game would be like email correspondence, which is why the chess game is called EMAIL CHESS.

If you choose to take me up on my challenge (MEANING that you will play me a game of chess and you choose to play 5 games, out of which either player winning 3 games determines who the victor is), then thank you. Actually, I wish to only play ONE GAME OF CHESS WITH YOU. But if you don't choose to humour me, I will issue a challenge to someone else who refers to himself as a god.

Here's a list: A598917

Anyway, I suppose I may as well play a game of chess with you.

You're not a Grand master, are you? You see, I've only ever played two proper games of chess in my life, and I won one of those. I enjoy playing, but I'm by no means brilliant at it.

I'll check out that site.

I've joined and called myself GodBen (I'm consistent with my name) but the site confused me.

Good for you. You are humouring me.

I am not a Grand Master, but I have played several games against an arrogant opponent who often beat me because I was a novice and I was nervous. Now I play well. I understand the tactics of chess quite well, but I need the exercise (further practice) to become a Grand Master Player. Well, I never intended to be a Grand Master since I never heard of the term until you mentioned it. But I guess that I do intend to play well and not lose more than half the games that I play against any given opponent.

Okay, I will issue you an invitation and we can play a game. Hopefully you will like the game.

I checked out the link. Well, your name appeared in the h2g2 God section and the text appeared as a VERY LIGHT SKY BLUE, which I couldn't read well. However, I understood the idea that you are in a Pantheon of Gods and Goddesses . Unlike you, I am (for sure) not a God nor a Goddess but a DETERMINED HUMAN WOMAN ACCORDING TO HER WILL AND CHOICE. I can be stomped on, and a sperm whale can fall onto me, but I do not die easily because I don't want to and I survive.

I sent you an invitation to play chess. I sent it twice (well, I wasn't sure if the invitation was sent the first time). Check your email, and the invitation will be there for you to accept.

Will do.

***you can humour this long post, or ignore it***



Howdy Doody, Hello

Alright, I left three messages at your GodBen "Guest" presence in ChessWorld.Net, or in the place where I asked you to play a game of chess with me.

I am not a psycho but I am trying to be clear.

Okay, I just discovered that I can't actually extend an invitation to you there because I am only registered as a "Guest" member.

You are also only registered as a "Guest" member, so you will also not be able to extend an invitation to other people at that website.

So this, overall, means that we can not play each other. But you do get to play against *perianderson*.

However, I have just discovered and signed up at www.redhotpawn.com

At the above website, I will be a full member for free, and I will be able to extend an invitation to anyone to play a game of online chess.

Alrighty, do you care to humour me some more?

Oh, probably not.

Well, I am a bit of a maniac with intentions that I seem to best understand. Really, my intention (in this message) is to just play a game of chess with Godben.

Did you check out my h2g2 journal? And my guide entries?

Probably they are boring or crazy to you, if you already did check them out.

I am talking with an air of low expectation because I would like to be surprised with a positive response rather than disappointed. But I also keep high expectations for long-run goals.

I have a website link, which is in my first guide entry.
Check out: www.angelfire.com/hero/alynnaserenity
...while looking at the website, you can get a better idea of what I am like.

I am suggesting that you look at my website because it is already there on the Internet.

Now, I did send two emails to your [email protected]

Most likely these 2 emails will end up as spam. Do check it out -- the damned emails are not a virus nor a nefarious webmonkey willing and able to eat your computer's brains.

Your computer probably has marvelous protection against viruses.

The FIRST email is an invitation from www.redhotpawn.com for you to play online chess against *me* at that website.

***I am experimenting and discovering the nuances of the chess websites, so I understand your initial confusion when you first checked out ChessWorld.Net***

My SECOND email is my follow-up email letting you know that the first email is from redhotpawn.com and it shouldn't be trashed.

Well, humour me some more. OR keep playing your game with *perianderson* and ignore my insisting request.

None of the weblinks were active in my prior message. Hmmm.

Well, check out http://www.redhotpawn.com

***read the above message and the email to your "GodBen email address" to know why I want you to go to the above website***

and check out my website, so that you can better aquaint yourself with me: http://www.angelfire.com/hero/alynnaserenity

Alright, just hurry up.

The game has started. The email notice from www.redhotpawn.com of the game for you to play is in your email box.

Your patience has been rewarded. May the best man win, and since I am not a man the blessing goes in your favour.

Yeah, but the "best" part goes against me.

I sense your enthusiasm. Rigghhttt.



Come on, be more cavalier! Ah, but you don't have to because you are a god of only doors, ducks, eunuchs and car dealerships. So I will be the Cavalier. Ya ha! Well, just play the game and we will see who will be the chessmeister.

Right.

I should say "May the chessmeister win".

It's your move.

I've moved. Stop complaining.

Alrighty

I wasn't complaining. I was being jolly. Wah ha ha ha.

Okay, I moved.

www.redhotpawn.com didn't give me the notice that you moved. So, I'm sorry for the wait, but we are playing EMAIL chess.

Your move.

I moved.

Are you trying to make a symetrical board then?