h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As mentioned in an earlier posting the Great High Wazzock has loasded upon me the heavy but pleasant responsibility of handing out Awards to the people of my choosing. Some of the awards may be well known to you while others may not.

In the ture tradition of the Internet some of the awards will only last for the day while others will be lifetime and longer with dosh and lands. Though not necessarily within a couple of hundred lightyears.

As befits all awards some will be for efforts above and beyond the call of duty while others will be because someone has slipped me a few bob or a couple of drinks.

The rules are:

1, Everything Vestboy says is beyond challenge

















2, See rule 1

Now we've got the rules straightened out we need to have a category or two for the awards.

Ok for the Best Facial Hair on any Hero or Villain living or dead - Can I have nominations please.

Nominations close on 5th August 1999 at 12 noon GMT

I nominate Rasputin.

Nomination accepted _Rasputin_ is the sole nominee so far

I second Rasputin.

You probably do.

Time's up. Nominations are all in and we are watching them being counted. A note has been brought to me by the chief counter and the total nominations made are... One!

The Best Facial Hair on any Hero or Villain Living or Dead Award goes to Rasputin, nominated by Evil Giraffe.

We call upon Rasputin to come and claim the award... pardon, sorry someone is trying to contact me through my earpiece. What? He's dead! How did it happen? Poison, no! Drowning too... and shot! Boy he must have been popular.

Ok we need a volunteer to come up and accept this award on behalf of Rasputin. Would Evil Giraffe like to come and take the stand, say a few words and also name the next category of award that is to be offered.

All nominations back to this thread please once the category has been announced.

Unfortunately Rasputin could not be here this evening to receive this most prestigious award as he has a backlog of women that he needs to hypnotise and ravish.

I have, however, been asked to accept the award in his stead, and to read the speech that he has written.

*ahem*

"Thyank kyu. I Hyaff a Great honour in being recyieving thyis award." Blah-de-blah-de-blah ... ah, and it finishes "Lyook Ma, I am Kying of World!"

I would like to thank all those heroes, villains and other H2G2 researchers for ignoring this particular forum and making Rasputin a shoo-in.

Vesty, next category?

(over the studio speakers)
Wasn't the next category "Best battle-cry?"

personally, i think the duke should have won!
but as usual, i'm too late 2 voice my useless opinion.
never mind 1 day i might just b there when somthing good.....mutter.....mutter.....

As announced at the previous award the person who nominates the winning entry names the next award. I, with the powers vested in me etc., can of course veto what the hell I want, but we are waiting for EG to either agree with "Best battle cry" or come up with another category.

Over to you EG

Perhaps bluetongue is up to no good. Maybe he intends to bring the awards show to a GRINDING HALT! Quick, cut to commercial!

...Drama flakes. Loads of adventure in every golden spoonfull!...

Ok the clock is running. If EG doesn't reply by midday, noon, 1200 hours GMT on 7 August the next category is best battle cry.

Also in the intervening period people can suggest what other categories he may wish to choose. Absolutely no pressure anyone!

While "best battle cry" does seem relevant, I much prefer the category for "best evil use of an egg whisk"!

First nomination - That spectacular hair removing scene by Dr. Strudel on his arch-nemesis "Weeping Gorilla".

Next nomination?

best curler upper into a ball nominations...
er sorry, i'll keep quiet.
no,no, wait no i won't i might stand a chance of winning best battle cry...here goes...
boooooooooohoooooooooohoooooooowhaaaaaaah

Pull yourself together Rusty.
The category is something to do with an egg whisk and the first nomination, from EG, has been accepted.

But if he wins again by being the only nominee we may have to change the rules.

Any other nominations for this egg whisk type category.

Nomninations close on 11 August 12.00 noon GMT. So get thinking.

So in brief:
Category - Best Evil Use of an Egg Whisk.
First nomination - That spectacular hair removing scene by Dr. Strudel on his arch-nemesis "Weeping Gorilla".

I nominate Fanny Craddock for best Evil use of an egg-whisk in "How to Make a Yorkshire Pudding".

I also nominate her better half, Johnny, as best unwhisked GoodEgg in the Universe for his smart-arse one-liner: "I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's...."

Nomination accepted. Fanny Craddock (famous for being one of the first TV cooks).

A competition - how exciting.

More nominations please.

So, who won? Fanny or Dr. Streudel? I WANT TO KNOW!