h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hiya BB, thought I'd take this while I have a few minutes before work...
A88006304 <--- don't forget to subscribe

>>Following the death of Thomas and Martha Wayne, Bruce's billionaire parents who were working to rejuvenate the city and make it a better place for everyone.<< that sentence does not make sense. As the next sentence reads: "Following their deaths the hope of a brighter future for the city died too, leading to members of the criminal underclass jockeying for position in a cold war to gain control of Gotham." perhaps the first sentence should read:
Thomas and Martha Wayne, Bruce's billionaire parents, were working to rejuvenate the city and make it a better place for everyone. Following their deaths...

should be

>>Although the Waynes were innocent, their labyrinthine organisation Wayne Enterprises had almost infinite divisions involved in a plethora of morally ambiguous research or dodgy deals on behalf of the Board, unbeknown to the Waynes themselves. <<

That's the first and only mention of "the Board" - is that Wayne Enterprises? (Please bear in mind I've never seen this series.)

You have Fish Moony's nightclub and Fish Mooney. Is the nightclub a different spelling, or is that a typo? You have 9 mooney and 3 moony so I can't decide.

Yep, that change to that sentence to make it clearer is a good idea

<BB<

>>Yet for all his success, it becomes increasingly apparent that he can only stem the tide of crime and never solve it. Gotham...<<

Solve is the wrong word there I think. You can solve one crime, but not all of the crime in a city. That's more like a cleanse.

Perhaps:

Yet for all his success, it becomes increasingly apparent that he can only stem the tide of crime. Gotham...

Sorry, missed your other questions earlier

Mooney is spelt with an E, so like money with a double-o (but not 007)

Yes, it should be the Board of Wayne Enterprises, so good point to ensure that is clear.

And you've raised a good point about that sentence about Gordon - the point is that he is fighting a losing battle as only with Batman can Gotham be saved, so perhaps change it to:

"Yet for all his success, it becomes increasingly apparent that he can only ever at best stem the tide of crime for short periods."

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>>Although the Waynes were innocent, their labyrinthine organisation Wayne Enterprises had almost infinite divisions involved in a plethora of morally ambiguous research or dodgy deals on behalf of the Board of Wayne Enterprises, unbeknown to the Waynes themselves. <<

Could we condense that, a bit?

Is this better?

Although the Waynes themselves were innocent of wrongdoing, the same cannot be said of their company, Wayne Enterprises. This labyrinthine organisation had almost infinite divisions involved in a plethora of morally ambiguous research.

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Much

>>Meanwhile plans to develop Meanwhile plans to develop Gotham's Arkham District are unveiled. Although the Waynes had hoped to develop this as a hospital are unveiled. Although the Waynes had hoped to develop this as a hospital to help those with mental health needs, after their deaths the 200 year old Arkham Asylum, which had been closed for 15 years, is re-opened with some low-cost housing also built in the area by Falcone and Maroni.<<

Meanwhile plans to develop Gotham's Arkham District are unveiled. Although the Waynes had hoped to develop this as a hospital

this <--- what? Gotham's Arkham District?

The rest is too much information for one sentence.
The Waynes had hoped to develop this (?) as a hospital to help those with mental health needs. Following their deaths the 200-year-old Arkham Asylum, which had been closed for 15 years, is re-opened with some low-cost housing also built in the area by Falcone and Maroni.

A lady calling herself Theresa Walker, who is really Nyssa al Ghul (Jaime Murray), seeks to destroy Gotham completely in revenge for her father's death and, with Doctor Strange's help, can implant chips in people's brains to control their actions.

Doctor Strange?

How about making the following change? (I don't think we need worry about mentioning the low-cost housing)

Meanwhile plans to develop Gotham's Arkham District, an area dominated by the closed 200 year old Arkham Gaol, are revealed. Rather than build a new state-of-the-art hospital to help those with mental health needs as the Waynes had planned, following their deaths the old, crumbling building is rush re-opened as an asylum where patients are inhumanely incarcerated - and worse.

Yes, Professor Strange, not

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Since 2016 a full-grown Batman played by Ben Affleck has featured in the DC Universe Justice League films. This series is unrelated.

Why "full-grown Batman"? I have in my mind's eye a miniature Batman growing in size...

Sorry, don't understand "This series is unrelated." - unrelated to what?

Could change that to 'Gotham is unrelated to the adult portrayal of Batman as played by Ben Affleck in the DC Universe Justice League films since 2016.'

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that's much clearer!

All fixed and ready for your approval

GB

Can we add one footnote, please?

Jerome Valeska (Cameron MonaghanMonaghan also plays Jerome's twin-brother Jeremiah.</FOOTNOTE&gt

Other than that good to go!

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Done

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