h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Duncan that was the worst joke *ever*!

*slaps Duncan* Well, as long as we're finished by midnight on the 5th we should be okay...

I have just found out that July 31st is a bank holiday here - so I'll see what I can do with Ryanair and Braclaycard (not too hopeful, though as one is often full and the other often empty!)

Incidentally the worst joke ever is:
A diner walks into a posh French seafood restaurant, (you know, the kind where your potential meal is swimming about in a tank by the door.) On his way in he notices a little green squid and decides that this is the very thing for him.
The waiter takes his order and fishes out said squid, but being a softy he can't kill it so he gives it to Gervaisse LePosh, the maitre d'.
Gervaisse is annoyed by this and slaps the squid on a chopping block, raising a large cleaver over his head. However, before he can dispatch the squid he looks down at its pitiful little eyes and its little moustache (so like his own) and cannot bring himself to kill it.
Now, it wouldn't do to disappoint the customer so he looks around for someone with a stronger temprament - and chances upon Hans, the burly German dish washer, and so he asks him to do it.
Hans goes through the same rigmarole of lifting the cleaver high above his head, but he too glimpses the squids pathetic look and its big soppy eyes, and he too breaks down....
...which just goes to show that ......
"Hans, that do dishes can be soft as Gervaise with midl green, hairy lipped squid!"

...so there

*slaps Duncan even harder*

EV - the lipped Squd joke is a classic of the 20th century.

The Barclaycard (or Braclaycard as I originally wrote) is not particularily flexible as ever, but Ryanair seem to be happy to transport me to somewhere called "Glasgow Prestwick" for a nominal sum - I presume this place is in the middle of nowhere and that transport is provided by Yak or something?

Prestwick is down at Irvine (west coast Scotland) about in the middle of nowhere. They do have a train station at the airport, though, that will be happy to take you as far as Glasgow, and from there you'll have to change trains to get to Edinburgh.
Prestwick is the only airport that RyanAir's got in Scotland, which is a pity. It's also the only part of Britain that Elvis has visited.

"Here at Bracklaycard, we've been making a few changes.

From now on your card will be a nicer colour

It will even have a little holographic image in the corner to keep your kids amused.

And if you don't pay your bills we won't be sending you any nasty threatening letters...

We will be taking a hostage!"

Braclaycard - Your money or their life!

(as originally heard on 'And now in colour')

Now, that's what I call a good advertisement!! I want a card in a nice colour! I want a card with a cool hologram! I don't want threatening letters!! I want a Barclaycard!!

No you want a Braclaycard *she says quickly before we get our ***** sued off us

Ooops.. Typo! Of course I meant Braclaycard. Didn't I say that? I think my fingers typed faster than my thoughts could handle. Or something.

Happens to me all the time

Careful you don't make any typos when typing "Mastercard" then.

I've decided for the four-lettered esay option. Four letters can't be too hrad to tpye, can they??

ho on!

I geb your padron?

It is becoming like an episode of Allo Allo in here!

But for it to be an episode of Alo Allo, we need Renau and some British flyerboys to complete the picture.
Anyone know a Fairfax or a Crabtree?

*scratches head*

Unfortunately the crowds have already started gathering like wasps around a jam factory.

I'd offer up my floor as a possible place to pitch a tent but my parents are coming to stay for the weekend, so I'm afraid the space is already taken - by me. Slightly irritating - they just invited themselves. I might have to leave the proceedings early in order to let them into the flat, unless I can find the spare keys, which is unlikely. Poot.