h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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Thanks for that. You got a couple of geniune LOLs too with those touching tales of geriatric lust, despite the unsettling parallels between some of the scenarios depicted in the site and my own recent love life.
I like the idea of a kind of h2g2 cyber-Darby & Joan Club for us Phyllosan-snorters! Perhaps we could call it The Slartibartfast Society, in honour of the most prominent senior citizen in the Hitchhiker books? I suggest that one rule should be a strict ban on anyone who types entirely in lower case with no punctuation and spelz lik dis, if u no wot I meen.
It's definitely worth serious consideration. Think of all the fun we could have reminiscing about the days when a mobile phone was one that got wheeled to the side of your hospital bed, and when we had proper songs with tunes you could whistle, like "Anarchy In The UK" and "Oh Bondage! Up Yours!".
Yes, this is an idea that has legs. Even if they are a bit arthritic.

You poor old souls. You're sad old geezers already and you might not even be half way through yet!

BTW WRT "...the unsettling parallels between some of the scenarios depicted in the site and my own recent love life..." Let's have the details, Ormy. You can't keep things like that to yourself.

"Sad old geezers"!? Show some respect for your elders, young ant! "Melancholy senior citizens", please!
Actually, you've caught me out. I was lying. The scenarios on the elderly-erotica site are much wilder than anything that's happened to me lately.

I've taken your recommendation to heart and sent Wummenbeevil out for a gallon of tiger balm and a nurse's uniform, and if that doesn't work, there's always the hairnets.

Well the Slartibartfast club or Zimmer Forum would save us hanging around the local Post Office all day. It's not been the same here since they moved the post office into the Co-op. Now we get all those funeral directors wandering around with measuring tapes and little pound signs rolling in their eyes. It's lost that homely atmosphere as well, how are you meant to ambush someone's ankles with a tartan trolley in something as big as a supermarket? Ah for the good old days, I haven't had a good gob at a band since my last case of TB. You had me struggling to remember Poly, you'll be glad to hear.

There don't seem to be many of those spellers on H2G2, I've only bumped into one. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I get the impression that either they don't land here very often, swiftly depart cos the place is full of ahem! maturer (chronologically anyway) types, or they only come out during the day when we're at the chiropodists.

Sorry Amy, missed your post there. Let's see what words of wisdom I inadvertantly scorned

Ha! I'm male and as such am liable to keel over at any minute, so you'd better get all the sad ole geezer lines in quick.

However as a mark of appreciation, I bequeath you my hip replacement that I'm not gonna live long enough to get.

..and my tiger balm, hairnet collection and tartan shopping trolley.

Sorry fellow sad ole geezer I think I'm goin' senile, I missed your reply to Amy's posting as well.

Wumbeevil, don't I know you from somewhere?

Hey! We don't have to be sad old gits! We can be ANGRY old gits, raging hard against the dying of the light! (Well, it's such a nuisance having to change the bulb. Always leaves me dizzy).
But beware. Talking to yourself is the first sign of senility. I tell myself that every day.

It's only a problem when you start getting replies.

Yeah right on man, vegetable rights, etc. We can be the Snarling Old Gits Giving Young Punks A Nice Talking-to Society.

Hey, we've been infiltrated already. We've got "ANTS" in our SOGGYPANTS.

Yes! The over-the-hill gang stung by the ant hill mob!
How about:
Stroppy
Elderly
Nutters
Instigating
Lively
Exchanges
?

Shouldn't that be "Life"?

We could have an advice group for receptive youngsters:-
Don't
Ever
Mention
Eating
Nuts
To
Irate
Ancients

I don't belieeeeve it!

Some other old git has beaten us to it! - http://www.h2g2.com/A464140

LOL!!

That's knocked the Zimmer right out from under us. Think I'll totter over and give them a piece of my mind if there's any of it left

You didn't actually do a search for "bof", did you?

Couldn't find a piece of my mind to give them, I know I left it near my teeth this morning...maybe I've eaten it with my complan. Anyway I applied for a life membership and they told me it takes 30 years to come thru. Still I suppose I can learn to drink half pints of mild in that time, might even buy a a cap. No, I don't mean that type silly, I don't think we'll need THEM somehow. Hmm, they'ld hold quite a bit of Ralgex tho...

Amy is going to be soooooo jealous, she's got at least another year to wait before she can join. Let's see, that'll be about 364 days after she kills me if she reads this.

Do you think we could smuggle her in so she could hear all our stories of the good old days?

No I don't know what she's done to deserve that either.

Poor old dear.

*pats Wumbeevil on the head*


Is your truss chafing?

Thank you, Wumbeevil!
Amy! Don't worry, it's not so bad when "life begins"!

It isn't?

No my truss is fine Amy, I've just smeared a new coating of goosefat on it. Well, where did you think that old people smell came from? Yeah well I suppose there's that as well, but two baths a year were enough for great grandad Wumbeevil and they're good enough for me as well. Dangerous things baths you know. Open top coffins we call 'em.

No, life beginning isn't bad at all. Some HRT and it was fine. Only trouble is, I think I'm turning into Margaret Thatcher - Ein Volk, Ein Poll Tax, Ein Baroness.

Must go, gotta invade Poland.