h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How is your kitty? Any better today?
I hope things are going the right direction with your father-inlaw.
You and your hubby sure are having a rough time.
Do you have kids?

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and still following the progress. Hoping things improve.

Hi, abbi.

Joey's brighter and more alert than he was. I think some of the problem may have been constipation. However, he's still not 100% well. We're taking him back to the vet on Friday to see what the vet says.

Dad is a bit better than he was. They had increased the dose of painkillers, but they reduced the dose yesterday without any obvious problems. We don't think he'll be out of hospital this week, and Richard's mum is a bit depressed because it's their wedding anniversary tomorrow (54 years!) and Dad's still in hospital. We were hoping he'd be out this weekend, but that's looking very unlikely now. Richard's mum is getting worried that he won't be coming home at all, or not for very long.

We *are* going on holiday next week, with their blessing. They both acknowledge that Richard *needs* this break. I can guarantee that he'll spend the first few days doing absolutely nothing.

Looks like we are *not* going on holiday for the foreseeable future. Dad took a turn for the worse last night. He's picked up some kind of infection and won't be home for some time, if at all. His tumour is pressing on his spinal column, which affects his legs amongst other things. The cancer has turned very aggressive and is totally untreatable. The radiotherapy didn't work - it's meant to relieve the pain and it isn't. Last week they said he had a year to live; today they were talking months at the most.

Richard desperately needs a break but, understandably, is reluctant to go while his dad is so unwell. Dad has perked up a bit with the drugs for the infection, but he was really out of things when we visited at lunchtime today. The doctor reckons he'll be on a roller-coaster as far as mental alertness is concerned because of the drugs for the infection. There's also a problem that the drugs needed to treat the infection are likely to react badly with the drugs for the cancer. We're taking each day as it comes.

Oh my just as I was going to say how wonderful to have the blessing of a break.

The roller coaster thing is quite awful. Are there more siblings close ,to watch over them and each other ?
Even a night away might be helpful, you have been deeply entrenched for a while now. It helps if you can switch off with others

I hope he(father) can have some measure of comfort, that is easier for the family too. The only thing worse than suffering is watching it. It is very sad I will check in again,to see how things are going.

Richard only has one brother, who lives in Sheffield. Andy came down yesterday with his children - the hospital phoned Richard's mum yesterday morning and advised her to get Andy down here as they didn't know how long Dad was going to last. Andy doesn't really live close enough to help share the burden, and can't really get time away from work and the kids to be with his parents.

Richard has said he plans to take odd days off, here and there. We won't necessarily be going away, but we will be having days out, just to get away from things and take a break. It does mean that we won't be getting two two week holidays like we planned, but at least Richard will be able to take a short breather. He's starting this weekend by taking Friday and Monday off.

Wise to do
Precious time ahead!

Glad the was constipated in that case! It can be a horrid thingfor man or beast alike. A tad funny once all is well

Richard may not be taking today off - or not all of it. There are things he needs to clear up at work first, so I don't know how much time off he'll get.

It seems that constipation wasn't Joey's only problem. He hasn't been eating much and he drank a lot this morning, which he doesn't normally do. We took him to the vet (appointment arranged last week, not emergency), who said the thirst was a side-effect of the tablets. We thought Joey still might be constipated as he had no interest in anything and wasn't eating, but the vet said he was OK from that point of view. Then we started to discuss Joey's general condition. The vet said that Joey wasn't suffering, but that it sounded from our description as if his quality of life wasn't very good. (For the past few weeks Joey has mainly been sleeping and eating a bit. He didn't even go outside any more.) Any medication would be palliative, and would only prolong his life without necessarily adding anything to it.

To cut a long story short (Too late!), Joey was put to sleep at about 9am BST. He was so weak that the overdose acted almost immediately - it normally takes a couple of minutes. My first pet and favourite of the cats we've owned has gone. I miss him so much! Somehow 'smileys' seem inappropriate, but -

Aw that is awful for you
Sorry to hear you had to go through that
You gave your kitty a good life and as my vet told me they would have never lived that long or well on their own. You gave twice the life they'd had in the wild. Because of that love and care we often have to do this sort of action. We love them, there is no reason to suffer needlesly after a long life shared.Sounds like they were not able to be very like in the end

None of that makes it a lot easier, maybe later it will help a bit.
Life without pets is not nearly as warm & colorful
RIP Joey

Abbi, thanks for your good wishes.

Richard did manage to get some time off yesterday and took me out for some retail therapy. Actually, we ended up buying things for each other, to cheer each other up. I got Richard a pair of cufflinks shaped like wrenches (we call them spanners, actually), 'cos he loves to tinker with things. Richard went to a shop called 'The Bear Factory' and had a bear made for me. I don't know if you have those shops in the US. Basically, you pick a 'skin' and a 'soundbox' (can be pre-recorded growl, bark (they do dogs, too!), snore, or you can record a message). Then they stuff the bear for you, you pick a name and they do a 'birth certificate'. So I now have a beautiful caramel coloured teddy bear called Joey!

I still keep referring to our other cat as 'Joey' and I've even called our dog 'Joey', so I guess it will be a while before I'm over my loss.

On the plus side, Richard's dad is so much better that they've moved him back into the main ward. The cancer isn't pressing on his spinal column like they thought it was. Having said all that, we're still not planning to go on holiday because we don't know what the prognosis is for the immediate future. Dad may never come home or, if he does, it may only be for a short time.

I have ben noticing that pet death often coincides with family deaths.
It can help in an odd way tha I really cannot put iinto words just yet.

How sweet & important you two are taking care of one another. What a good thing that is *support*
I like the tools for cufflinks and the bear was excellant idea!
You chose them for each other....AWWWWww Lucky Girl

Hopefully the pain for *Dad can be controlled now if the spinal cord is not as bad as once predicted. Pain medication acts weird when there are spinal cord compressions to work around. That could be good news as far as getting more comfortable.

Do they offer hospice there( means different things) or places that are more home like to go to?
You are in difficult times, watching suffering changes people.
Keep up the strengths and supports you have.
Do take care of yourself.

*peeks in*
Hope things are somewhat set, wishing a bit of comfort for all.

There is now hope of Dad coming home for a while, although he wasn't as well yesterday as he has been. Right now he's waiting for a second dose of radiotherapy. They didn't do his lower back region the first time, and he's experiencing pain in that area which they hope to be able to treat. Also, we're waiting for a visit from the local Social Services who will want to check out facilities, etc., and arrange home care for him - no way can Mum cope on her own.

Richard is hoping to snatch a week's holiday in early July if Dad's home by then. Failing that, we won't get a holiday until September.

I hope the social Services are efficient. They can be , making life much more bearable.
Good Luck and strength in all.

Hi cheerful dragon *waves*

Hi Abbi.

Dad came home on Wednesday. He's just about strong enough to make his way up the stairs for things like having a bath, but not frequently for things like going to the loo. Makes us glad that Mum's had a toilet installed downstairs. It's in the tiniest room you could imagine, but it serves the purpose, which is all that matters. Dad will be practically living downstairs now. Mum bought a powered recliner for him to sit and sleep in. It has seperate motors for the back and foot rest so they can be controlled individually. It's great fun to use.

The annoying thing is that if he needs a nurse to come in, they will have to pay for it. £8 per week gets them 30 minutes per day! They've paid tax and rates / council tax all their lives and when they need help that all the previous governments led them to believe would be free, they've got to pay again - at a time when many people their age can ill afford it. AFAIK, whether you pay for the nurse *isn't* means tested. They'd fail the means test if it was. And Mum's thinking about an asset transfer. It's not so much because of Dad - the house can't be counted towards his assets if he has to go into a home, 'cos she lives there. It's because she's worried that she might have to go into a home eventually and she wants her property to go to her children and grandchildren, not be spent on something she feels the government ought to be providing. It's not so bad for our generation. We're growing older with the foreknowledge that there are certain things that we will have to provide for ourselves. But their generation thought they were paying in advance and now they have to pay again.

OK, rant over. It's good to have Dad home. Less stressful for Richard and Mum, for one thing. In a way it would be good to have him home for his last days, but I'm not sure what the chances are of that happening.

It is very disturbing situation here also.
The people that worked the hardest and longest for the security of benefits in older years are not being taken care of properly.

It is terribly unfair how so much is connected to health problems. Young or old relationships-family finances, rountines and life as it WAS known changes. Wonderful the bath was in place downstairs.

It is an awful lot to deal with at once. Takes every bit of energy,time,money and patience one has and then some.

We have a lottery, I think a % of those profits should go to the elderly programs. We have luxary taxes on some items, seems if people can pay for the priveledge of luxaries, the tax should go for those elders that are in need of the basic comforts and care.

Abbi, when I said Mum had had a toilet installed downstairs, I meant just that - a toilet and washbasin, no bath or shower. There just isn't room for those things. Which means that Dad will have to struggle upstairs when he wants a bath or shower, but will be able to do other 'business' downstairs. I suppose it's one less thing to worry about.

Oh sorry, that fact did escape me sloppy of me.
Bathing would be a bit of a problem then.
<<<not a demand to cheerup, just some pretty flowers.

Hi ,I've been on vacation . Just popping in to see how you are doing this week