Journal Entries
Film Review: 'Van Helsing'
Posted May 24, 2004
Vampire hunter Van Helsing is plucked from the pages of 'Dracula' to get a total make-over as Hollywood re-writes Bram Stoker’s classic novel, not for the first time. After a quick battle with Robbie Coltrane’s Mr Hyde, Van Helsing makes his way back to the Vatican, where his superiors inform him of his next mission – to help prevent an entire family from spending an eternity in Purgatory by helping its remaining members in their quest to kill vampiric Count Dracula. The hero loads up his gas-powered crossbow and heads off to Romania with faithful friar Carl, unaware that he and the Count share a past so terrible God Himself has stricken it from his memory…
…Or something like that. Frankly, plot’s not really what you’ll be looking for in ‘Van Helsing’, though there is an admirable attempt to wedge some in between the action sequences. The biggest surprise this movie has to offer is that it’s not terrible – it detaches itself almost entirely from the original novel, and thus avoids being a painful reworking of a book which has suffered enough in the hands of film-makers. Writer / director Stephen Sommers, responsible for the recent excruciatingly awful (yet strangely popular) ‘Mummy’ films throws everything he can at the screen, and enough of it sticks to be entertaining, though perhaps two-and-a-quarter hours is a little more time than it really merited.
If there’s a point to this film, it certainly went over my head, but Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale soldier on relentlessly anyway. From their point of view, then, it’s a shame the show is stolen by Carl, a 19th Century monastic ‘Q’, who bumbles endearingly around Romania, but in a helpful way, and even manages to get himself laid in the process. Bless. Comparisons with James Bond are unavoidable when Carl shows off his latest inventions, but then it feels like that’s the point. Coupled with the Shakepearean-actor voice of Frankenstein’s Monster, you could be forgiven for feeling Sommers is taking the mickey every-now-and-then. But then, maybe that’s the point, too.
Good-humoured and action-packed, ‘Van Helsing’ won’t leave you feeling robbed of your pocket money, but probably won’t stand out in your memory either.
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Latest reply: May 24, 2004
Urgh... Exams
Posted May 23, 2004
This isn't really a journal entry, so much as an excse to waste time. I'm bored - bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I'm so bored, I've even considering starting to spell the word 'bired', just to see if anyone notices.
So, anything positive to say in the middle of all this boredom? Not really. I've finally learned to decline the relative adjective in Latin... and here it is:
hic, haec, hoc,
hunc, hanc, hoc,
huius, huius, huius,
huic, huic, huic,
hoc, hac, hoc,
hi, hae, haec,
hos, has, haec,
horum, harum, horum,
his, his, his,
his, his, his
It's great fun reciting the dative and ablative plurals, because it makes you sound like a French snake... 'heess, heess, heess...' See... I'm starting to find that sort of thing amusing... I'm that bired!
I was also amused by a Simpsons episode I watched this morning - called 'Bart-Mangled Banner', it contained a great rant from Grounskeeper Willie at a postman (mailman for those in the US):
"What did you say about my mother? I'll have you know, her feet stink because she works in manure all day - but it's still the best damn Starbucks in Glasgow!" (He even pronounces is 'Glesga', for added authenticity).
So, would that be the Byres Road branch?
Oh well... what to do now... I could either learn more Latin (ille, illa, illud...) or I could write a review of 'Van Helsing'. Hmmm... decisions, decisions...
R25968 23/5/04 18:33
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Latest reply: May 23, 2004
Film Review: 'Dawn of the Dead'
Posted Apr 23, 2004
When the world's ex-humans decide not to take it lying down anymore, a disparate group of people find themselves banding together in an attempt to survive the violent zombie apocalypse. Seeking refuge in a shopping mall, they wait for help to arrive, until they realise that there may be none coming, and they need a new plan if they're to come out the other side alive.
For a horror movie, 'Dawn of the Dead' is surprisingly good. It's not really up there on a par with films that, say, actually have a plot, but it does prove that sometimes plot is not essential. An ensemble cast makes a good enough crack at leaving an impression that, by the end, you may not learn their names, but you will at least have a feel for their characters and - heaven forbid - actually start to care what happens to them.
It's best not to beat around the bush here - this is still a horror movie, it's still full of horrible violence, and although it delivers few surprises, it still plasters enough gore on the walls to upset those of a squeamish disposition. There are scenes which could be considered psychologically disturbing if you actually stop to think about them long enough, but thinking is a luxury this film doesn't really require of its audience.
All in all, the creepiest thing about the movie is sitting through it knowing it was penned by the same guy who wrote the screenplays for the Scooby Doo films. Once you've got over that and disengaged your brain, you're free to enjoy that creepy feeling you get when you just *know* something bad's about to happen...
R25968 23:03 23/4/04
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Latest reply: Apr 23, 2004
Film Review: 'Shaun of the Dead'
Posted Apr 16, 2004
A loser in life and love, Shaun has just been dumped by his girlfriend, castigated for ignoring his mum and step-dad’s wedding anniversary, and ordered to evict his lay-about flatmate. All these problems, however, pale in comparison to the fact the undead are walking the streets of London, and the survival of him, his family and friends may depend on getting to the pub before zombies can tear them limb-from-limb.
It’s been said before, and I will stoop to the level of saying it again: this is one of those films that really defies classification. Describing itself as a ‘rom-zom-com’, ‘Shaun of the Dead’ is part romantic comedy, part horror movie, and part spoof, and like nothing I – in my admittedly limited experience – have ever seen before. For all that it manages to be all these things, it still feels like there’s something not quite right – as if there’s one big joke that you’re not clever enough (or perhaps twisted enough) to see. For its sunny suburban setting, there is very little light in this film – the humour is dark and often brutal, and the plot confronts the characters with difficult, sometimes heart-breaking decisions. The irony of the situation, whereby Shaun and his companions fail consistently to really understand the situation they are in, is stretched to breaking point, and finally becomes more frustrating than amusing.
The thing is, that looks like a list of complaints – you’d get the feeling I didn’t enjoy watching this movie, when I actually did. Managing to be consistently entertaining throughout its length, ‘Shaun of the Dead’ is a film that will keep you laughing as it drags you down into darkness. Very few lines are completely devoid of humour, no matter how murky that humour may be, and there are some fantastic laugh-out-loud moments scattered around with perfect timing. The squeamish may want to avoid this movie, but everyone else who gets the chance to see it, should.
R25968 01:08 17/4/04
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Latest reply: Apr 16, 2004
Film Review: 'Scooby Doo 2 - Monsters Unleashed'
Posted Apr 8, 2004
The highly successful Mystery Inc. face a potential backlash from the citizens of Coolsville when they come up against a mystery they may not be able to solve, whilst Scooby and Shaggy attempt to prove their worth by embarking on their own sleuthing expeditions.
The first live-action outing for Scooby Doo was a riot of colour and fun, beloved by many fans of the cartoon, though loathed by the cynical. Those who enjoyed themselves at the original will revel again in the cast’s perfect performances (especially Matthew Lillard as Shaggy, and Linda Cardellini’s Velma), whilst those who hated it should steer well clear. ‘Scooby Doo 2’ moves closer to the feel of the original animation, deploying over-the-top villains and cartoonish set-design to great effect. For a Hollywood movie, it feels strangely personal, as if made by real fans of the cartoon.
However, in amongst the clowning around, the film tries to reach a level of maturity, attempting to address an issue fundamental to Scooby Doo in all his incarnations – appearance versus reality; the contrast of who you are against who you want others to perceive you as, and what actually happens against what the media reports. Though this ‘love the real you’ moral message doesn’t grate, it can feel a little heavy-handed at times.
Ultimately, though, if the film is let down by anything, it is the overly elongated ending – the final battle is fought twice, and manages to drag both times. Fortunately, an awkward climax doesn’t ruin an otherwise entertaining movie, sparkling with humour and fun. Go to see ‘Scooby Doo 2’ intending to enjoy yourself, or don’t go at all.
R25968 01:26 9/4/04
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Latest reply: Apr 8, 2004
The Bad Kind of Puppy
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