h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well Bill-Bill, how's the oul noggin? Did you find a bed to sleep under OK last night?

i hear you loud n clear. d oul ned kelly is only killin me, but didnt i have dat new drink dat sponsors d GAA players n its after workin wonders. i slept in ranelagh last night. on d bleedin couch n i had a big filthy donner kebab with chips with all the lettuce n shite dey put into it. jaysis, i think i'm gonna puke.

I keep alternating between the screaming hungries and the screaming gonna-pukies.And my head keeps coming dangerously close to the keyboard. I just wanna rest my eyes for a little while ......
I hate you people.

Well I'm definitely at the gonna-pukies stage at the moment, yet that donor kebab sounds SOOOOO good - what the f**k?? Oh why oh why? (was fun though, wasn't it?) My bin looks like a really good getting-sick-into bucket.

Really, I bet I could fit my head right in there!

The keyboard looks like a really good getting-sick-onto thing.
It's our last day, sure why not?

I double dare ya (Jinx, no catch back, tax for life)

stop complaining-take your punishment, you do the crime you do the time. i might be tempted to splash out on a donner at lunch time.

sing with me girls-SING LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

oooooh ooooooh eeeee, it felt so good to me
i saw you there all alone
thats why i wanna walk you home
thats why i wanna walk you home
thats why i wanna walk you home

(that's us at lunchtime!)

Eeeeehhhh-ooooohhh Captain Jack,
Bring me back to the railroad track.

(well, it's better than Cotton-eye Joe, or that song off that awful road safety add)

im the backwards man, im the backwards man
i go backwards as fast as i can.

someones got it in for me
they're printing stories in the press
who ever it is i wish they'd cut it out quick
but when they will i can only guess

they say i shot a man named grace
and took his wife to italy
she inherited a million bucks
and when she died it came to me

I CANT HELP IT IF I'M LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you hear the one about the architect who built his house backwards so he could watch T.V. all the time?

What a classic

It's quite difficul to type this, the keyboards all sticky and smelly.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was tied to the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
He thought it was a game.

Why did the tree fall down?
It thought it was a monkey.

Susan Hickey, me oul flower. Never have I wanted to laugh-whilst-vommiting so hard in my whole life! Oh, I hope I don't fall out of the tree!

seen a young girl on a street corner
stick a needle in her arm
she died in the dirt of an alley way
her mother cried she had no chance

HEARTBREAKER!! HEARTBREAKER!! I WANT YOU TO FIRE THAT SHOT!!
HEARTBREAKER!! HEARTBREAKER!! I WANT YOU TO!! I WANT YOU!!
dooo do, doo doo d-do dooo dooo
dooo do, doo doo d-do dooo dooo
dooo do, doo doo d-do dooo dooo
dooo do, doo doo d-do doooooooooo

sometimes i might get drunk
walk like a duck
smell like a skunk
dont hurt me none
dont hurt my pride
cos i got my little
right by my side

she's a tryin to hide
pretendin like she dont KNOW ME!!!

SEE that girls, too cool for school strollin out of the canteen with you two callin after me n tellin me dat you'd miss me. ahh yeah,AHH YEAH n i didnt even say goodbye. how f*ckin cool was that. it shows to all who sail aboard the good ship SDCC that you know your places. my bitches n my hoes.

i'm a womans man, no time to talk.

Ah it's all part of our cunning plan.
You see everyone in the canteen witnessed how much we clearly love and miss you so when your body turns up so badly beaten that it can only be identified by the donar kebab sauce on the face people will say "Oh no it couldn't have been those two lovely girls they love and miss brian so much" he he he suckers ....

(heeheeheeheehee)

He still hasn't washed his face yet, either. I just checked! Oh Bill!

And do you wanna know how cool WE are? We're to cool for this sinking old boat that is the SDCC. We're leaving. We were merely slumming it with the kebab-eating little people of the world for a few months - you know, feeling their plight and all that. And you, Bill, are one of those people.