h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bloody paid film makers. I hate them all.

You should of read my gripe about the detestable thing which shall never be mentioned on my journal again for I detest it so. Now they've started on something else.

'He knows he might not live through this'
Bloody imbecile! There's no doubt in Leonidas' mind that he's going to die in battle he goes to the oracle before marching on thermopylae to ask how the battle will go and she tells him that he and greece cant live. Now to you or me thats a pfft yeh maybe but to a spartan thats law. Leonidas knows he will die, and the Spartans are all willing to die before him - the fate of the spartans is already sealed before he even marches on.

"Facing insurmountable odds, their valor and sacrifice inspire all of Greece to unite against their Persian enemy, drawing a line in the sand for democracy"
Okay its a film about the Spartans led by KING Leonidas, they do know this right? And the Spartans weren't what you'd call a monarchy or a democracy either. Despite there brilliant womens rights record in comparison with say athens, they were in effect a theocracy. The two joint rulers of Sparta (two kings) had to prove they were decendants of Hercules or else they could not be King, so it was usually father to son, and neither could seize power. To stay in power, they were protected by the Homoioi - the Spartans. As the film maker says quite rightly they were the perfect killing machines. It always makes me smile to write that because who would win between a spartan and a samurai? Its Darth Vader versus Obi Wan - sure Obi wan is superior skilled but darth is sheer brute force.

"300"
NO! There were 20,000 at Thermopylae if there were only 300 it would have been over much more quickly then that because of the width of the pass. The whole reason why they were able to hold out for so long is that the Spartans werent the only ones there, and so the actual number of spartans fighting could always stay the same without having them worn out - constantly fresh elite troops? Oh yes, thats a well held battle line. And with those in your centre, the rest will easily hold.

On costume
Whoever was responsable for the costumes should be dragged to Greece. Now theres not that much wrong. In fact far from it I quite admire the fact that they all have beards, and there have well kept hair (HUSSAR!), AND they have the red capes and shields with inverted V. But whats the leather thong got to do with it??? No - either naked or armoured; there is no mid ground. There leonidas' body guard. He, and they, should all have bronze breast plates without exception. Spartans are proud and noble they wouldnt have done anything less. Unless of course, it was required for battle reasons like speed.
Now lets remember that a Spartan soldier is on average much fitter then your regular royal marine - they train from birth, which thank Crom is seen in the film - so a bronze breast plate wouldnt exactly cause that much trouble. However without it they can have a fair march speed so its possible that Leonidas would order them removed in order to facilitate a faster moving line (which he did use in the battle). However, they would have gone naked. The leather thong wont add any extra protection from the spears and arrows of the Persian force, and nor should they even think that.

The Persians
Oh now heres where it gets really tongue in cheek. Go have a look. Now is it just me, or do they seem to move and look like the orcs in lord of the rings? Not that I'd ever accuse hollywood of insulting the east more then once a film (we've already had the democracy thing) but surely this is pushing it a bit.

"Based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller, 300 is a ferocious retelling of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae"
Okay I'll let this be the films get out clause. I will seek out 300 and read it cover to cover. If this filth is Millers mistake then by Crom he will pay! BY CROM I TELL YOU! The Battle came before the comic - if its wrong, it shouldnt be adapted in the bloody first place. Its like U571 all over again, except this time theres no spartans to complain.

Ahh now having read further I see the truth - look whose directing it. The grand failure of a director who gave us dawn of the dead; Zack Snyder. Lets see what else he's done ay? Wait, this is his second film (apart from something else that looks insignificant). He's on line to do Rainbow Six though.
So let me get this straight. A man who has made perhaps one of the worse films of all time, totally missing the beauty of the original, has been given a film that should be the Zulu of our generation, and instead of creating something that would have blown all the recent historical attempts out of the water, we end up with a pile of cack.


You might be wondering why I'm so enraged by all of this. Well its mainly due to 300 spartans, a very bad and inaccurate film but one of the few films to grab me by the bits from start to finish despite how bad it was. I remember when it had finished I said allowed 'one day I'm going to remake it' - Now because of that moron who cant get facts known for 2 millenia (!!!) I would never get a chance, because this is a frank miller film, and every simple minded moron will go see it simply to see another sin city. It'll be awful and they'll love him for it.

Wait I've just realised something

Channel 4. Oh blessed channel four, bringer of the epics! They could make it in association with an american company! called.... TANDEM! These fellas did Dune the mini series! Wait what was the other company?

HALLMARK! THEY COULD DO IT!
They did the argonauts, and hercules, and dinotopia, and mike basset! Okay well not that much woo on mike basset, but they did do the Merlin with Sam Niel in which was incredibly woo. In Fact they do a hell of a lot of work on TV films. Hmmm wonder how I could get them...


Anyway happy new year - heres my usual year reveiw, condensed into significant moments simplified, in some semblance of order..

Hello 2005!
Hello.. anyone there?
Hi Beanie - Crom I miss you so much
Hi Robin
Hi Foolish Zaitoichi versus Yojimbo man! PFFT!
Bye Robin
Hi Mr painting buying man
WOO MR PAINTING MAN!
Hi bank balance!
Meet Hyborians!
Hi Mongoose
Stick it Mongoose! (curse there vile name!)
Bye General Studies (Finally vanquished him! HUSSAR)
Hi new PC! You sexy little thing you
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO X&Y
Hi Nikki
WOO Nikki
Hi Ipod!
Ta Gina!
Coldplay live - MEGAWOO
Bye Nikki
Grr results (6 damn markS)
Hello again dole officer
Hi Gaz
(In the style of bridge over river kwai)'YOU PAINT MODELS NOW!'
'I cut you Good!'
Damn you gaz *waving fist*
Hi Leeds
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HI BIZARRE GAY CLUB!
Hi strange man at grand central wanting to discuss alexander graham brunel... (absolutely my favorite night ever)
Hi Judo
OW JUDO YOU BADGER FACE!
Hi Insomnia
HI GINA!
BYE insomnia ha, in your face!
Night Gina
Morning Gina
Sorry Gina
Night Gina (apart from this one)
Morning Gina
Bye everyone
Hi Preston
Hi insomnia
Hi insane people
Hi student loan you sexy little thing
Hello super 8 film making
Hi Aldi
Hi Kat.. wait.. budgeries.. bye kat
Hi mystery lady who I regret not learning the name of
HELLO NOISEY NEIGHBOURS
Good morning Wagner - GOOD MORNING NEIGHBOURS FROM ME AND WAG!
Bye bye student loan
Hi doctor - no drugs for you
Hi Councillor?
Hi Sophia (aka russian chick who may not be russian)
Bye Gina
Hi Bev - Prepare for war!
Hi Sancho, I am Sancho!
Hi Iai Iaido (sorry)
Hello Male Navigation gene, you serve me well

Hi again Sophia...
Hi missed deadlines


Woo - denotes general happy time, not necessarily involving owt like.
? - denotes either something not finished yet, something that I havent got yet, or something that I dunno cause I've had a drink.
Night/morning - definately not involving owt, although she doesnt read this and probably doesnt care, although I know who does so should make it clear.


Predictions for the future:
WOO Sophia!
Hi Gina!
Bye Gina
Hi Nikki!
WOO Nikki!
Introducing 'Preston - City of the Damned'
Hello production team!
Bye Bye Great Nanna Jinny
Hello Iceland!
Hi Beanie?

I've also noticed I have until august to get my waist to 30" or I have to abandon bushido, cut off my net, and become a monk... badger..

Amusing, and dare I write it - entertaining!

Have you thought of resolutions yet, Mark?

No. more. beer.

Anthony - on my course, good fella - said lets go out for a drink. I spent thirty quid, had at least 3 double vodkas, a double gin, a double sabuca, a double malibu, 3 pints of guinness, 2 pints of fosters and goblin knows how many xxxx.

My knee cap is totally busted, I still feel dizzy, my left hand is a mess, oh and the picture in the landing that anthony dubbed jesus has come off the wall, and I have a very bad feeling that anthony may have lept on it in an attempt to make love with jesus but I dont know it might have been that way when we got here cause theres no way he could have pulled it off and im too lazy to try.

Ah well, off to continue with the secret project of awesomeness

http://www.darkhorse.com/profile/preview.php?theid=48-339&p=0

Look, HPB, I've asked you plenty of times now to stay off my Personal Space. Now when I did my year review I was at home, and I compiled a list of links to postings I made telling you not to post on my personal space - anywhere, at anytime, for any reason.

Your not doing this, so I guess you're trying to incite me, which is sad really.

If I weren't exhausted I'd go to the Mod team now. I'll do it tomorrow because I'm tired of this HPB. You know your doing it to annoy me, I know your doing it to annoy me, people watching know your doing it to annoy me.

Chill, Mark. It's a new year. Let the bygones be and move on to marvellous things! And that link was helpful and it pertains to what you wrote about more than my remark did.

Which was the point of posting it.

The helpful bit, not the being more relevant than your bit.

I just spent half an hour writing a love elaberate reply. Then this stupid mouse clicked and I lost it. Bloody mouse.

Anyway, jist of it was - go away hpb, you know what your doing. Its stupid and by continuing to do it your breaking house rules, and seeing as though I'm still on pre-mod (and Ill never ask for it to be removed because to be honest I dont beleive thats how it should work) you shouldnt be making any attempt to encite me into an arguement by disagreeing with my wishes especially considering your an ACE

It's not breaking the house rules to post in a public forum (payed by the public) nor is it against the house rules to provide (attempts to be) helpful links (as long as it isn't commerical, offensive etc.etc.), that's want an ACE DOES in their welcomes.

Asking questions or posting links is not provocation.

What I AM doing is letting bygones be bygones, taking the high ground, burying the hatchet, putting out my hand, playing nice, signing a treaty of neutrality etc. etc.
It's what ACEs /do/.

It's not possible to avoid arguments by not confronting them though so "inciting" is done by yourself because nobody can "make" you do anything, really.

I think it's great you care enough to argue, Mark. Isn't it what discussion's all about, taking in what others say and going by your own standards?

Treaty, eh

We have faith in your abilities to keep peace Mark

Ahh but you see I am not arguing, for I cannot due to the moddage being wrought upon me, I am merely stating facts known to one and all, although maybe not to jeeves he's been a little slow of late. Not Jeeves from Jeeves and Wooster though he rocks a fat one. Like bob. And the fat monkey production team!

Go dictatorships when I'm the dictator, woooooo! etc etc etc