Journal Entries
The two girlfriends
Posted Aug 7, 2003
It's saturday evening, 22.00 GMT and I saw on BBC 2 the news about the horrible murder of the two girlfriends, whose bodies have been just found.
Probably since I have a "space" at this site, I feel now even more related to what happened. Emotions are commonly related to territories and its our mental survival that it works like that, otherwise we would be totally overwhelmed by the amount of impressions.
Two girls are murdered; their friendship killed, their future taken away; dreams unfullfilled.
Children are kidnapped from their parents, stolen from their community.
Their lives whiped out of the book of daily life; reduced to "material" for police researchers.
Reduced to food for the graveyard.
Their lives swallowed by murderer(s).
It happened.
Did not "have to happen", so I don't share the question "why it hád to happen". I believe that question is born out of the emotion that even if you don't have the answer, it at least múst have any (religious) meaning, which thought is in the far end of ány calming. Who wouldn't be sensitive to that way of mourning, if death comes very close.
Gone is their place: in school, at home, in the church, in the village, in Great Brittan, in the world. Their boyfriends receive no more letters and kisses.
Their schoolagenda's are still written full with obligations, meetings, dates for time to come. Our time, not theirs anymore.
Their clock has been forced to stop, lives have been vanished into thin air.
I cannot protest. We cannot protest. The muderer(s) have already won.
But they won't murder our effort to justice, to a peaceful future for all children. And they won't murder ultimately my/our joy in life.
Life is for us. Murderers only posses death and death possesses them.
I know murderers are very common people, no sadistic psychopaths. They "simply" locked the door and threw away the key. Forever. That's frightning, but life is more than fear.
I would líke to sing the words of "DEAR PRUDENCE" of the beatles.
"Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play.
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day.
The sun is up, the sky is blue.
It's beautiful and so are you,
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?"
But I cannot sing it.
No, they wil not "come out to play".
They won't.
Never.
Ever.
They're gone, they're gone, their loss deplore.
For we shall never see them more.
(paraphrase of; "Oh let me weep"/The fairy Queen, Henry Purcell)
I say farewell to the girls, but not to my memory of them and not to the hope they had about life.
Amsterdam, august 17, 2002.
Alfredo.
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Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003
Drives me nuts !
Posted Aug 7, 2003
Surely drives me núts, all those semi-magical words.
I've got to be véry rational to find my way in this forest of fuzzy frazes.
At least "they" use for my introduction four different words;"Edit Page" ,"Entry", "Guide Entry" and "Introduction".
Words that don't sink in because of a lack of affinity? Maybe.
Or because I'm much too self-willed to adjust to terminology that isn't my own creation? Maybe. But I can dwell in the words of music of Purcell, for instance.
I guess it's indeed because i'm on linguistic territory which is not my own creation and in which I only partially want to participate.
Partially? Yes, because I want to stick to non-fiction items.
And "maybe", because I've always hated science fiction. I'm always surprised that "those English" still watch at "Penelope" and other puppets in flying scoucers(at BBC!!). The program will have a name, since it exists scince the sixties.
Somewhere I experience a huge difference between fairies and other themes from the magical 6 year old childrenworld like snowflakes,circusses,donkeys,"santaclaus"/Sinterklaas, the moon and planets,working with clay, to diguise ,Chinese Lanterns, etc. and those sterile dulls in their flying machines from nowhere to nowhere..
Maybe I like "magic" when it is fysical as a donkey is and snowflakes are and the Magical Mysterie Tour was in that busride through town.
I lack an antenna for the other stuff and I don't mind lacking it.
Was that the same why I didn't even finish looking at Harry Potter.
No, I don't think so. It was Dutch spoken and poorly acted by the boy "Harry", although the girl acted much better.
Tomorrow I'm gonna buy the video "the Lord of the Rings". I hope that will be a fairy-tale like journey.
Yes, I got myself taped ; it's the mixture of fantasy and nature that I like. Because of this, they typified my sculptures of clay as a combination of abstract and naturalistic. That's it, probably....
But those puppets in flying scoucers are also a mixture of fantasy and reality.
Yes and no.
This day has become old.
I quit.
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Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003
Feeling Welcome
Posted Aug 7, 2003
It's for me a unique experience, that after I subscribed for H2G2( = hg to me),I received a personal welcome by a volunteer Ace Broulan.
It's a nice rule to meet any newcomer this way at hg.
Because HG feels indeed as an enormous universe of roads, hiding places, brothels, bars, churches, platforms, fairy islands end other things that our human mind can imagine. Overwhelming for/to me and I don't like that feeling, because it sucks energy.
This kind of welcome eases my mind and calms my soul.
Therefore I can feel now the impulse ánd the energy to find my way around ,most of it by myself.
And that is what true "help" is all about; helping someone to help him-/herself.
My mental elasticity - so to speak - is my weakest point and in a welcome-situation like this I am able to overbridge this handicap and get on.
Now I want to find out how I can find other "Spaces" and if there is any platform for the music of Henry Purcell.
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Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003
Hesitation
Posted Aug 7, 2003
Yes,I clearly feel hesitation in my attempt to start my digital diary.
Not so much because of the intimicy, but of other reasons.
First of all I am a sceptic in relation to digital relations; I do love peronal e-mails with a few women in The Netherlands, but incidently I also want to meet them in real life. I want to use mailing as an extension of physical daily social life and not as a substitute. Of course I'm only speeking for my self ,about myself.
- more and more I'll try to forget the possiblility of a reading audience- .
Besides this I realize how superficial "digital friendships" can be, or to express it in opposite terms: how suggestive their impression can be.
My second hesitation comes from my hunger for real nature and for streetlife so to speak. Being much on the internet feels for me as an electronic coffin and I ám already fearfull of death, so why give it more space in my life than strictly necessary..........
Practical surfing feels very nice, but no more than that. Chatting is something I never do. I can't stand it.
And in the third place I am somewhere afraid - despite my hesitations - for addiction. It is such an easy medium and correspondence can feel very impressive and I do realize I can sometimes feel very lonely; it's part of my existence.That makes me also critical towards myself besides other attitudes.
But St Broulan (oh my god, I forgot her exact name),"my ace", accidently(?) gave me a little push and therefore she is "Saint" Boulan from now on...(speaking about "impressive"...).
At last my main reason to overcome my hesitation is the fact that this site is part of the BBC. Yes, I do love the BBC (BBC 2 and BBC world/BBC radio). I watch it more than the Dutch T.V. I hardly ever look at movies on T.V., whatever station it is on and whénever I do see one I only look if there's no advertisement in between, as the commercials have; in any country. BBC is higly professional, skillfull and "civilised" in such a way that I do feel at home in many of their programs. At home ,in Holland,there is a website for singles and it is connected to a quality "Labour" newspaper and that background makes ME feel at home at"even" a site like that. Maybe it's hypocrite, but it doesn't feel like that.
I am just explaining myself, not judging others (!!).
It's been a long day; tomorrow the "Paradox" of helping in relation to the attention of my ace St. Broulan.
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Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003
Alfredo
Researcher U237909
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