h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh wow, cool! That's something I've always wanted to do but never plucked up the guts

No, that's not true. We've all seen you at meets, fords.

RF

Eh excuse me Mr Pervert! Paragon of virtue here and all that and...ehm....

Find your guts and do it! It's an amazing experience.

I did a static line jump a few years back. My instructor told me not to worry about it as they’d guide me down by radio. The gave me helmet 13, and the radio didn’t work!

I’d love to do a jump like yours, with lots of freefall!

I take it that you made it down okay though.

Nope.

RF

I was ok once I remembered to start breathing again!

They gave my friend parachute 13

A friend of mine jumped out of his first plane just a couple of weeks ago... He went back the next day and did it again. Like you he said he was a bit jelly kneed and hesitant the first time and needed the instructor to give him a bit of a push, but he said the second time he practically dragged the instructor out the door. He's holding off on doing a solo because he's sure he'll get addicted to it.


Anyway, Good On Ya.

Addictive it is.

I spent all of Wednesday in ground school. Learnt everything about the parachute, exit proceedure, the routine during freefall, malfunctions and the flight plan. Then I was dangled from the ceiling and shook around for a bit.

And today I did my Accelerated Free Fall stage 1.

This is gonna be a 24-esque recount of the jump.

Had a refresh in the morning and got suited up, checked through the gear and hauled it on. No waddling this time. Solo gear is much comfier than the tandem. It wasn't as scary as the tandem either, no jelly legs and hardly any butterflies.

So, gear on and checked by Noel, first instructor, (who did my tandem and looks an awful lot like Doctor Cox from Scrubs but he isn't shouty, which put me at ease. ) we head to the plane and climb aboard. Second instructor, Lee, tells me to go through the routine step by step at 10,000 feet. At 15,000 feet the door is pulled open and Noel climbs outside. I step up to the door and Noel grabs my left arm and leg while Lee grabs the right. Big breath.

Shout "check in" to Lee and he gives the "okay", shout "check out" to Noel and he gives the "okay". I look up to the wingtip, think "ready" and lean out, think "set" and lean back in, think "arch" and step out.

The next few seconds are unreal. I can't think. My brain isn't working anymore. Suddenly the ground school training kicks in and I automatically shout "HASP!" We're back in business. Right, check my heading, now the altitude, shout altitude to Noel. He gives the signal for me to bring my legs up. Legs move up and I get a thumbs up. Shout the altitude to Lee and he gives me the signal to arch. I arch and get another thumbs up.

Next step is the three practice pulls. I arch, reach for the toggle and grab it then move back into the arch position. The second practice pull doesn't go as well and Lee has to guide my hand to the toggle. Third is spot on. Now we're in freetime and I'm checking the heading and altitude repeatedly until 6,000 feet.

Right then. I give the wave off, arch and reach for the toggle. I clutch it for a couple of seconds to make sure I've got a good grip and then throw it. This is the moment where you're supposed to count to four and then check if the canopy is the right size, shape and isn't damaged but my head turned into jelly and I forgot to count. A couple of seconds go by and I check the canopy. It's big, it's rectangular, it's free of damage - "Whooo! Yay!" Crap, I forgot to count. So I start counting after seeing the canopy is okay.

I look up, take control of the canopy and pull the toggles right down, flaring three times. There's no other skydivers near me and I have a scout around for the dropzone. Where is it? My radio crackles in and a voice tells me to turn so the sun's on my left. I pull down the left toggle and turn 90 degrees. Wow! That was easy! Radio man guides me for a bit and then lets me fly on my own. There's a huge cloud just below me and just as my feet dip into it the enormity of what I've just done hits me - "whooohooo!" and I'm engulfed by the cloud. Out of the cloud now and I check the altitude, 1,000 feet and I can see the cross that I should be aiming for. Time to head for the landing area. Radio crackles in and a voice tells me to do a couple of 180s to lose some height. I turn left and then right, wow! Amazing! At 500 feet I give the left toggle a pull, 300 feet and another left turn. Then it's a nice slow descent upwind until I'm 10 feet from the ground, flare! Toggles are pulled down as far as I can and "thud!" I'm down! And on my feet! "Whoaeurgh!" And I'm on my arse.

I gather myself and the parachute up, trundle onto the bus and drive back to the DZ with a huge grin slapped across my face.

I never thought I'd say this but...

That was WAAAYYY better than 24!!!

(It's funny, but earlier this afternoon I thought "I wonder if Footie's popped out for a quick plummet?" )

That's so exciting! All droppy on your own and everything. You so brave

Does Noel call you boys' names?

Take that, Bauer!

It was very exciting. When I got back my brother greeted me with a ciggie and my hands were all shaky again. Only for ten minutes this time though.

Brother jumped before me and when he deployed got twists in his lines so had to do big karate kicks to untwist them.

Then we were debriefed and watched the vidayo of our jumps. When Noel told me to bring my legs up I did it straight away, then they dropped straight back down. *belms* The only other problem was being too flat on exit. But apart from that they said it was a really good first stage.

He doesn't. If only he'd call me George.

Oo, blimey - I wouldn't want to have to do karate kicks at that height

Well, of course

Ahhhhh... Droppy George

Oh, and something strange - after landing there was a peculiar feeling in my throat and nose. Like you get after going underwater in a swimming pool. Brother got it too but neither of us had it after the tandem.

Won't that be something to do with sinuses and pressure?

Or possibly (reading between the lines) trying to eat a 'wich at 10,000 feet and jamming most of it up your nose



Hang on.

What happened to 'Teleporto!'?

Better than the scariest malfunction though. Where you deploy, count to four and check your canopy to find that it hasn't opened.

Or the other one where you get entangled in the canopy.

Maybe Drippy Walt will appear on a cloud next time.

Doesn't Bond go into a proper plummet and catch you up and save you at that point?

As long as you're jumping with Bond.

Or Bauer.

Are you sure you'd like that? You might drop your thermos.

Think so, but I couldn't figure out why we didn't get it on the tandem.

I believe eating 'wiches in freefall is in stage 7. My goggles will be smothered in mayo.

Forgot 'Teleporto!' Was so busy trying to remember to look at the wingtip (always forgot that bit in training) that I ended up just giving a 'Hell, yeah!'

'Hell yeah!'?

Hmmmm...

Given the circumstances, that's pretty damn cool

Bauer hasn't done a skydive yet. Done something Jack hasn't!

Got to try not to panic, do the drill and save myself.

I'd feel compelled to chuck my thermos to him. It's cold up there and he's so very drippy.